Oh Poor Me...NOT!!!

Sometimes I really DO feel like poor Eeyore. So sad. So down in the dumps. This journey though, has shown me that a sad day is most often followed by a better day and then a happier day!

That is what happened a week ago, yesterday. After a .2 gain last Saturday, that really shouldn't count for much, this week I had a .6 loss. That really shouldn't count either, but I am counting it anyway! I think I am hovering around a plateau right now. I am mostly, okay with this. I know I need to change up my exercise routine a bit, in order to push for bigger losses again.

In two weeks my son goes back to school and I plan to do just that, change up my exercises! It is still very hot here in central Arkansas and I look forward to the days I can walk my dog outside again! Until then, once I am more free to go back into the gym at the center, I will keep exercising in the pool. It might not be doing much for weight loss, but I feel it is still keeping major weight gain from happening!

I am still riding the 'high' from being able to fit into those jeans this last week!

I am excited that I have this pair and two others that I saved from all those many years ago! I will be wearing them this fall and winter. I like them so much that if I lose too much and get too small for them and keep that weight off, I will have them professionally altered to fit. They are bell bottoms and I am such a hippy chick at heart!Don't be an Eeyore! Keep on with your personal program and KNOW that a better day always comes, IF you really WANT it to! Besides, who wants to be blue unless they are in the Blue Man Group?!!!

See you next week!

I am Doing Fine!

Just a quick hello! After that tough weekend I thought I should share that I am doing better. This morning I tried on clothes that I have saved for over 11 years. That is the blouse I wore when I got married! I admit I have a muffin-top above those jeans, but I could button them, zip them, and sit down in them, today! I will be wearing them this fall and winter, for sure! I tried those jeans on about three months ago and could not even button them!
Moral of the story: Never give up! I am NOT!

She IS Human, After All!

At Saturday's meeting I gained point two pounds. Ooooooooooooooooooooo! I am quitting. This isn't worth it. Why bother? I am a failure. I am bad. I suck. I am not worthy. So what?
At the meeting, someone said to me that I really was human, after all! Just because I have been successful these past eight months, doesn't mean I am a super hero! I did decide to take today off though. I have not exercised. I am still eating like I should. I am not giving up. I even had TWO cigarettes today because we found some, laying about! I won't have any tomorrow.

OMG! Does this blow your mind? See? I truly AM human and I DO have my better days and my not-so-great days. In the past, I would give up and gorge myself. I might smoke a pack of cigarettes. I might drink a bottle of wine. I am not doing that, this time. Tomorrow I will exercise, as I normally do. I might even add a bit of time to it, just to atone for being naughty today.

That is what this is all about! We are all human. We will have days like these. It is not an excuse to give up and lay down and die. At least it is not for me. I have lost over 60 pounds! I am not about to throw that away! I am not giving up.

See you next week.
Me, The Human

He Look-a Like-a Man!

Remember that comedy bit on "Mad TV"? Ms Swan would make comments, with her awful accent, in those hilarious skits. Anyway, I came across the above clip art and although it is a silhouette of a man, it still works.

I don't see myself as being the first one in line. I think I was there before the surgery back in'81 though. In my current lifestyle change program, I think I was most like number three or four. And now I think I am between five and six. Will I ever be an eight? I dunno. How about a nine? That is not even in this picture!

Have you ever wondered about your body image? You may have heard that anorexics see themselves as huge, fat, obese, people when they look in the mirror. They might be walking skeletons but they don't see themselves that way.

How do obese people see themselves? Are we so afraid to look into a mirror for more than a glance, that we don't really know what we see?
For many, myself included, it is a self esteem issue. For the past eight months, I have been working on my inside self, just as much as my outside self. Both selves are hard to deal with at times! Take a good long look at yourself in the mirror. I don't care if you have clothes on or not, but if not, please pull the curtains so you don't scare the neighbors!!!

It is easy to pick out what we don't like about ourselves. Make yourself pick out what you DO like! Always walk away from a mirror with a smile. It really will help you like yourself.

This also works with photographs. Take photos of yourself as you make changes in your life. Really see what you look good in and what makes you look worse. Learn
how to dress yourself in the most flattering ways.

These three photos of me are taken just a few weeks apart. There isn't that huge of a weight loss between the first and last one. The difference is in what clothes I am wearing and how I am wearing them! If you think you look better, you will carry yourself better and you will look better and feel better! It is one of those vicious cycles, but in a good way.

I was down another two pounds at my weigh-in yesterday. I was surprised again! I am afraid to let my guard down just yet. I know I am due for a plateau any week now. I don't know how I will handle that, when it happens. I am trying to keep a positive attitude and to keep looking at the new me, in the mirror. I think that will get me through a plateau and on to continued success!

That's all I have to share with you today. So get out and go for a walk or swim!!!

Perfectionism

There was a very good article in my Spark People newsletter this morning. It talked about everything in moderation. The last page of the article had this paragraph:

"By refusing to be a perfectionist, you can take most of the stress out of weight loss. You’ll see small problems as what they are—very small problems, not major calamities that mean you've blown it. You'll be able to find pleasure and satisfaction in the fact you’re learning as you go and doing a little better all the time. No more making things worse because your perfectionism caused you to write off the rest of the day or week after one little slip."

I suffer from a mild anxiety disorder and perfectionism issues used to trigger failure. It used to be if I ate one bite of a 'bad food' I may as well give up, forever. I bet a lot of folks think this way. I have finally gotten to where I recognize many of these triggers and have been able to overcome them more and more. I no longer see things as an absolute.

This morning I actually gave in to something that has been on my mind for a long time. My husband likes to get doughnuts every Sunday morning. Most of the time I pass on having any. This morning, I did not. This was my plate:
That is one eighth of a maple frosted cream filled Long John and a doughnut hole. One whole Long John has 425 calories and 11 grams of fat. I made it a plan to have just a little bit...just a little taste. Using a tool that we discussed in the weight loss support group yesterday, I took my time, eating the Long John. The trick is that you are supposed to savor and enjoy your food. You are not supposed to wolf it down as fast as you can! The faster you can eat, the more you can stuff in your tummy! Right?

I gave myself permission to eat the doughnut slowly. I managed to divide it into three bites. I actually did not eat the doughnut hole! In class yesterday, our Fearless Leader restated the fact that the first bite of food packs the most flavor punch. We taste the first mouthful of food the most intensely. This really is true. I found that third morsel of this Long John had little to no flavor. I could not even taste the maple frosting. In fact, the whole thing didn't taste as good as I had imagined. This made it easy to pass on the doughnut hole.
In a perfect world, it used to be that that bite of doughnut would mean failure. In a realistic world, it is not! I continue to strive to slow down and taste my food. It is one of the hardest things for me to learn. I have made some progress though. Think of the tortoise and eat slowly. Taste your food!!! And if your food is not satisfying to your palate, don't waste your calories on it. Toss it and find something more to your liking.
That is my advice for today! Now go for a walk, if the temperatures are cooler where you are. I am headed to the pool this afternoon. See you next week!

KABOOM!!!

I weighed in today. I thought I might be down a pound or two, but not three point six pounds!!! I made another milestone! Almost 63 pounds have gone away, over the past eight months!

I can hardly believe it! I plan to reward myself with a new swimsuit.

I was going to be all philosophical on today's posting too! You will have to forgive me though, because I am just so in shock over this milestone event!

I still worry about that fatter gal I left behind. I hope she retires now and leaves me to enjoy the rest of my life in a more normal and healthy way! I have a lot of work to do to get my brain in order too. My life constantly evolves and changes as the 'new' me emerges. It is true, what they say, you do feel almost reborn in a new body!

At night, when laying in bed, my knees hit each other now. I can feel my ribs and hip bones. It is all strange, this new body. I hate the saggy flabby parts and sometimes wish I had the money to get a few nips and tucks on my belly and underarms. I am just not vain enough to do that. I will have to get creative with my clothing. I know most people still see a fat woman walking around. I feel skinny though and what I feel...counts!

See ya next time!

Quick Update!

This is a quick shout-out to Shirley and all the gang at the center: "I miss you all too! Only five more weeks to go before I am back with you all again!"

I have spent the summer reading, swimming, and trying to keep on track with everything. I just had the Forth of July Invasion of all my adult kids and my son-in-law here at the house. It was hard to resist all the tempting holiday treats! It helped that my daughter has declared herself to be a Vegan. She and I were able to share many foods! I won't know until tomorrow if the snacking and lack of exercising, did any damage. I only really missed one day, so it really isn't that bad!

I have tackled several stressful issues over the past ten days. I really recognized the 'old me' trying to rear her head and take over the 'new me'! The AC went out in our RV that my daughter and her husband were going to stay in and getting that fixed the week before a huge holiday weekend wasn't easy! I was frazzled by all the company coming and by getting everything ready to go. I wanted to eat and I wanted a cigarette. I resisted both.

I will admit I had a coupe crackers that I normally would not have touched. I also had a couple puffs of my husband's cigarette. However, I got right back in the right frame of mind and am not smoking again, nor am I over-eating. In the past, I would have been doing both as well as drinking! No wonder I was fat!!! It is interesting to me when I discover such things about my psyche.

But I did it! Although I missed one day of planned exercising, I DID manage to go swimming, WITH the family, at the same pool I have been going to all summer! So YA me!

I am working on trying to sell off some of my fat clothes now. I have recently had to buy about 95% of the clothes that are currently hanging in my closet. I had donated a lot of clothes but I could really use some money to buy new clothing. I shop at the thrift stores, so it isn't like I am needing new, off the rack, clothing! Anyway, it is all working out. It is all working out s-l-o-w-l-y, which is the way it is supposed to when you are making a life-style change!

I hope to have a better posting over the weekend. Tomorrow is weigh-in day. I am only one pound away from having lost 60 pounds!!! Wish me luck!

About Those Pizzas

I have come to the conclusion that the Kroger store brand Margherita pizza has the most bang for your buck....I mean the most food for your calories. I checked the sizes and calories of the other brands and none were even close.
I even came across an ad for fat free pizzas that you could order online for delivery to your home! Wow, that sounds great, doesn't it?
Here is the product they are selling. Nice packaging.

The price is a bit high and I am sorry I forgot to check to see if this includes shipping or not. 6 Fat Free Pizzas - $29.94. Only $4.99 each!
You could also buy in bulk, order several hundred dollars worth of pizzas, and get a better per-pizza bargain.

Now we get to the nitty gritty stuff. Here is their nutritional label:Wow! A WHOLE pizza for less than 300 calories!!!???!!! This is amazing!!! Ummm, did you read the fine print? It is a whole six ounce pizza. That is even smaller than the 11 ounce Kashi pizza that came in a box that is the same size as Red Baron's Pizzas.

I am still going to see if I can work up a fast, easy, low fat, low calorie pizza crust. I know there are tons of recipes out there for them. I have tried a few and ... yuck. I will let you know if I find something better!

Now go for a walk!

Real or Not Real?

That is the question! Whether it is nobler to have the real deal or to save fat and calories and eat chemicals, ah yes, that IS the question! (Hey! I never said I was a Shakespearean actor!!!)
The consensus has been that we should always eat as close to real foods as we can. Butter has cream and salt in it. I am not going to go into all the chemicals in margarine. All of the "diet" products I have come across though, have a lot of chemicals in them to replace the great tastes of the real deal.

I am on the fence about this debate. I rely heavily on my fat free cheeses, occasional diet soda, and fat free yogurts. How can I stay on a low fat food plan if I don't? True lettuce is kinda pure, but the fat free dressing isn't! I wouldn't be able to eat anything that I could enjoy!!! Waa, waa, waa!!!

Seriously though...I choose to do a low fat diet. I see it as my personal-right-for-ME plan of healthier eating. I was eating WAY too much fat before. Since my diet is a lifestyle change for me...one that I can live with for the rest of my life...I need to make it healthy, low-fat, and tasty! If I don't, I will fail. I know I will, because life is about food and sharing of food and eating food. Well, in our society it is anyway. I have also failed in the past when I don't eat food that satisfies.

So what's a mother to do? Research. Yes, I will have to do more reading, more research, more in-depth studying to figure out this dilemma. At the same time, I am looking into making my own fat free Greek style vanilla yogurt! This is my all time favorite yogurt, as it mixes with everything so well.

I was down another pound last Saturday! I am so close to the 60 pounds lost goal! I am very pleased that the change in my exercise routine has not affected my weight in a negative way!

There are always challenges. I miss being able to exercise in the mornings and think about it all day until I get it out of the way. I don't like that about myself. But, I will just keep working on ME!

Now go...exercise...or eat a banana ...you shouldn't be sitting here at your computer!!!

Back in the Middle With You!

I was reading an article on Sparkpeople.com this morning, about a doctor who lost 140 pounds and has kept it off for about three years. She said as a 300 pound doctor, she wasn't taken seriously. As a healthier and fit doctor she "couldn't possibly know what it is like to be obese".
I have thought of such things in a similar vein this past couple weeks, especially when at the local public swimming pool. I have reached the halfway mark on my weight loss journey. I am sure when people see me, that don't know me, they only see a fat woman. They don't realize I have lost close to 60 pounds already! I feel like walking up to everyone of them and saying, "I know you don't see it, but I have lost over fifty pounds!" Isn't that silly?

Oh You Silly Woman!!!

Have you seen a pattern in my blog? I have. Every once in a while, I have an off week...a week where I am doubting everything I am doing...a week where I am thinking I should just give up. How silly is that? Because I have had over 45 years of practice, I can now recognize this pattern of thinking for what it is: SABOTAGE!!!
My inner child is trying to sabotage my outer adult! This is one time where spanking a child can be done without guilt! I have sent that child to her corner to pout and am back in my happier mood! YES, losing a couple pounds this week helped. I admit it! I am silly because I think I may have misread the scale on Wednesday!!!

I wanted to treat myself for having lost that first 50 pounds. Instead of a food treat, I got myself some hot pink Crocs sandals! I love Crocs and have acquired several pairs this year. I have bright colors and am getting away from the dull black colors that used to be 99% of my wardrobe. I think color in your closet makes you happier!

In other news, I tried another Margherita pizza. I found the Kashi brand in our store. You may recall I had tried the Kroger store brand with good results. I figured Kashi should be healthier. Isn't that their brand image, that they are a healthier choice? I did the same portions with the Kashi, that I had done with the Kroger brand. For half a pizza:
Kashi: 435 calories with 14 grams of fat.
Krogers: 420 calories with 18 grams of fat.
At first glance, it would seem that if you want to cut the fats you would go with the Kashi pizza. If you want to cut calories you would cut the Krogers pizza. They are very close in comparison. BUT what I found out was that the Kashi pizza is TINY! I was SO MAD when I opened the box and found their pizza was smaller! The box was the same size as normal frozen pizza boxes but the content was about half the size!!! Talk about deception! Taking this size difference into consideration, the Kroger store brand had a lot more food for the calories than the Kashi.

So beware when comparing pizzas. The Red Baron pizza we get for the boys, weighs 21oz. and my Kashi pizza was 11oz. I wish I had noticed that before!!! I am not sure what the Kroger pizza weighs exactly, but I know it was closer to the Red Baron size than the skimpy Kashi size.

I still have to find the Newman's Pizza and I may try the California Margherita one. I had tried the California pizzas a few years ago and found the crust to be very lacking in taste and texture.
You can bet I will read the weights on these pizzas and compare them to
the Kroger one again. Just an added note: I have not found the pre-made pizza crusts to be a healthy choice and I may decide to give up and make my own crusts in the future.

Did I tell you I bought an exercise bike? It could have been this one, from this old ad from the early 70's. It isn't perfect and has a few issues, but I am using it a couple times a week. I only do about ten minutes a time on it though, as it really tires my legs out! This is a good thing!

I met my goal for this ten week period. I am getting real close to a SIXTY pound loss! I have never ever ever done this for such a long time, in a healthy manner, with exercising involved, and am just amazed this is working! What is the difference? I think a huge part is that I am not doing this on my own this time. Folks do say that support groups are important. Guess what? They were right!

I had to show this bag of dog food again. It is a 40 pound bag and is the actual one I drag into the house every few weeks. I still cannot believe I lost more weight than this bag weighs!

This next week should be a lot like last week, as far as exercise goes. There is no end in sight of the 90+ temperatures that have kept me in a pool or indoors to exercise! We need the rain, badly!

Thanks for reading my blog today. Is there anything you would like me to talk about? I have some ideas for a future blog posting and might do one in the middle of the week.
Anyway, it is Father's Day today and I need to help my son get his presents ready to give to his dad. I hope you are having a great day and will come back soon!
Bye for now!

Pool Party!

Today has been a little bit better. Since my glum-day on Wednesday, I have puzzled and puzzled over why I was having a tough time. I came up with several itty bitty thoughts that added up to one big pity party! I KNOW this stuff happens. I also know I can get through it this time. I know I can, I know I can, I know I can....I WILL!!!

In no particular order, things that triggered my glum-day were these:

1. I saw a TV show that said the fat guy in the pool aerobics class, wasn't going to lose any weight that way because it isn't a real workout.

2. I was bored at the local outdoor swimming pool as I have no one to pass the time with, so time seems to drag on and on and on there.

3. I realized I really do not like exercising in the afternoon and I want to exercise in the mornings. I want to get it out of my way so I don't have to obsess about it until I DO get it done.

4. I stepped on the scale during the middle of the week, not wearing the clothing that I normally wear to weigh-in. I had on heavier clothes because I was working out in the gym. I was wearing real shoes not my sandals; pants and top, not skirt and blouse; and it wasn't the same time of day even. How can I compare week to week if I am not being consistent?

5. The elliptical hurt my knee so I couldn't do that. The half hour on the treadmill about killed me! I thought I could walk????????

6. I am tired.

7. Food has not been satisfying to me lately. I have the munchies and don't even have a reason to have them!

What am I doing to solve my dilemma? I first turned to online searches to find motivation. I then adjusted my workout schedule. I am doing a few minutes of either the bike, the Wii, or just using dumbbells to exercise 10-30 minutes at home. This way I only have to worry about half as much time in the pool or gym. It seems to be helping already. My brain is coming back on track and I think I am going to be okay again!

I have about nine or ten more weeks of this summer vacation. I can do this. I have to! I don't want to be fatter than I am and would rather be skinnier!!!

I weigh in, officially, tomorrow. I hope it surprises me. But if not, I know I will be okay! Shirley, a friend from the pool, left me a nice note that has stuck with me all day. She only said what I have been saying to myself these past few days, but it was nice to hear it from someone else too. Thank you Shirley!

A quick note about these past few days. I never went off my food program and I still did my minimum of 60 minutes per day of on-purpose-exercise! Why do I note this? Because in the past, I would have quit and been eating burgers at Hardee's by now. I live about two blocks from one! hahahahahaha!!!

Okay, now it is time to say bye for today everyone! See you after this weekend!

Not A Good Day...

It has now been a full week since my son has been out of school. I KNEW what happened today would eventually happen, and since today was the day it happened, I am glum and am writing about it.

I have made it to the outdoor pool every day I planned to, and exercised as planned. I have made it to the indoor pool over the weekend and exercised . I have been eating within my personal food plan. Today was the first day I tried using the gym at the senior center. As I suspected and dreaded, I couldn't really do anything. I got on the elliptical first. That hurt my knee and I gave up after five minutes. Next I went to the treadmill. I did a mile and a half in 30 minutes and feel like I have run a marathon! I had a suspicion that I wasn't getting enough out of the pool workouts and this has confirmed it.

As I left the treadmill behind, I looked at the different exercise machines, knowing I still had 30 more minutes of exercise to do. I sadly walked on by. I was rubber legged and tired and very discouraged. Did I mention I had gained a couple pounds? I weighed in on the 'Saturday Scale' that I always use. It was up.

Now what do I do? I KNOW this is a tough spot for me to be in. I KNOW this is a prime example of a time when I have quit in the past.

Stay tuned to see how this turns out!

I Ate Half a Pizza!

You should have seen the looks I got from that comment when I was at my weight support group on Saturday! I must preface this by saying I used to eat a whole pizza before I started changing things. These are not pizzeria pizzas. I am referring to the frozen ones you get in the grocery stores.

I love pizza. I have been trying for months to create a pizza that not only tastes good to me, but that is within my comfort range of calories, fat, and volume. You can eat most any pizza if you limit yourself to one slice. I just haven't gotten to that point yet.

I tried using pita bread, burrito wraps, and tomato basil wraps as the crusts for my concoctions. None of these were very satisfying. I tried finding a frozen pizza that worked and until I found the Krogers Thin Crust Margherita pizza, I had been unsuccessful. This pizza's serving size is 1/3 of a pizza! I added veggie toppings that I personally like and oh my, this was good! I figured out the calories in half of the pizza too. I cut the frozen pizza in half, re-wrapped the other half and put it back in the freezer before it thawed. This way I can load all my toppings and have a half pizza that really satisfies me! I then have the other half saved for the next time it is pizza night!

Most pizza still is not all that healthy for you, even mine. I would not say to eat this every night as it still has a lot of sodium in it, but it sure was handy! My family has their own real pizzas with their meats and such, at the same time I have my special one. I no longer feel deprived when joining them! Perhaps someday I will be more comfortable with one slice, but for now, this is an option that works for me!

I had loaded the most recent pizza I had with slices of portabella mushrooms, onions, and the like and even added a quarter cup of no-fat Kraft mozzarella cheese! For half a pizza it was 475 calories and had 18 grams of fat. Yummy!

One of the secrets to finding a healthy base pizza to start with, is thin crusts. I see there is a Newman Thin Crust Margherita pizza out there now too. I have not seen it in my stores yet, but will definitely check it out when I do.

I am very motivated to keep on track this summer while my exercise time is constrained by having a young child home from school. I have accomplished a lot over the past seven months. I have:

• Gone from 291 lbs. to 236.8 lbs. (down 54 lbs.)
• Chest 53" to 43" (10" difference)
  
• Waist 50" to43" (7" difference)
• Hips 54" to 47" (7" difference)
• Thigh 29" to 26" (3" difference)

I don't want to gain a pound or an inch back! I am working on the second half of my weight loss journey and this will be harder than the first half. But I do NOT want to backslide! This has been too much fun; fitting into new clothes, having more confidence, and helping encourage others has been a blast!

I also found an outdoor pool, that had a reasonable rate for both my son and I, to use this summer. I can use it four days a week and it is also good to pry my son away from the computer a bit. I can go to the gym on the weekends and on Wednesdays my son will go to see the children's programs at our local library while I sneak in 45 minutes of circuit training at the gym too. I got it covered!

PHEW! I wrote a lot. This entry was hard for me to do for some reason. I just couldn't get started and it isn't as witty as I would like. Maybe next weekend will see more wit and pictures!

Enjoy your week and be kind to yourself!

She's Gone Batty

Why DO they call those underarm flaps, bat-wings??? I think that is rather insulting to bats, don't you?
Have you seen any of these shows:
"Heavy"
"The Biggest Loser"
"Extreme Weight Loss"
I've seen all three of these shows since I started working on my lifestyle changes. I have been very disappointed. I really wish they would share more helpful ideas, along with the sensational weight losses and contests. I guess that doesn't make for good television ratings though. Here are my notes on all three:

THE BIGGEST LOSER: Didn't they have more of the 'how-to do tips' during the first few seasons? These days, I watch The Biggest Loser to get a tidbit of motivation here and there. What comes to mind from this most recent season was the talk Jillian had where she parroted back to Hanna (or Olivia?) what they used to say to themselves about not being deserving or good enough, etc. I also loved the challenge where they had to carry the weight they lost. I am sure there were other bits I took away from the shows, but overall, I don't like the unrealistic approach of losing so much weight so fast and having to commit to hours and hours in the gym to stay thin.

HEAVY: I liked the earlier episodes better than the later ones. I got more out of this show than the other two. I feel like it was more personalized and was addressing not only the exercise, but the foods, and the mental work to become thinner and healthier. I also think the weight losses were more realistic. Of course I wish I had the money to go to those resorts! Wow!!! Again, I felt the earlier episodes were better than the last ones were, when they changed to the second health resort.

EXTREME WEIGHT LOSS: Big disappointment. I didn't mind the weight loss goal setting. Some people I know have said they had issues with that. They thought the girl was being asked to lose too much, too fast to win a prize.

All I kept hearing in my head were ALL the bribes my father tried giving me in order to get me to lose weight as a young girl! (they didn't work then either) Then the girl on the first episode made the comment that she was working out 4-5 hours a day!?! You couldn't do that if you were on your own and had to hold down a job could you? Maybe it would work if you had oodles of money so that you didn't have to worry about living expenses.

I was dumb-founded at the part about her getting surgery for excess skin removal before she was done losing the weight. The only reason I heard for this was that they said it was because she was chafing. I just think it was too soon for her to have that done. Pass her some Gold Bond powder for crying out loud!

IF I were to lose that much weight, I would hide my flappy little arms until I proved I could keep it off for a while, before spending the money to have it surgically removed. She was in her early 20's for crying out loud! HER skin will shrink back. I will watch a few more episodes to see if they get any better.

COMMENT: Just as an aside...In my 20's (1981) I had gastric bypass surgery and lost almost 200 pounds in one year. Skin does eventually shrink. Now, in my mid-50's I am losing the weight that came back on when I got pregnant, a year after that surgery. I had three (wonderful) kids in five years and gained about half the weight back. I was stuck at 270-280 for 20-some years. As of today I have lost a little over 50 pounds since November and can almost fly like a glider squirrel because of the skin flaps under my arms!
My old skin won't shrink as much as a younger woman's would and I plan to just deal with it....unless maybe...if I win the lottery...then I might consider some tucking here and there! lol

24 Steps

That is how many steps it is from the first floor to the second floor at the center I go to. There is a landing in the middle, so you can rest on your way up. There is also an elevator you can use.

When I first started this journey, not only could I NOT go up those stairs, I could not go DOWN those stairs! My knees and balance were so out of whack that I had to have a death grip on the railing to hold me up on the way down.

Within a couple weeks though, I could go down those steps. Within a couple months, I could go up them. I would pull myself partially up by using the railing but I was taking the stairs.

Now, I can go up those 24 steps, right up the middle, no extra help needed! I still hold the railing going down the stairs, just because I don't want to have a misstep and fall! I think that is kinda neat to have accomplished this!

Another thing I have noticed is that I have little bump muscles in my arms now. They are not a body builder's muscles, but they ARE muscles!

Sometimes, when I walk down the hall in our house and turn the corner I catch a glimpse of myself in the full length mirror there. "Who IS that woman?" It can't be me because that woman is thinner than I am. I smile and walk on. What a nice reward to give myself permission to like that reflection in the mirror again.

Do something kind for yourself today. Whatever your triumph, big or small, give your self a pat on the back or an atta-girl or atta-boy! Don't give up. We're getting there, one step at a time.

Fluffy is Okay

There is a comedian that is quite heavy and his famous saying is "I'm not fat, I am fluffy!" I am not a huge fan of the comedian, but I sure like saying fluffy instead of fat!

Obese should be a four letter word too. I hate the negativity in the terms associated with being overweight. Don't most people who are fat, (excuse me, I meant to say fluffy) already beat themselves up over their weight issues? Is it because we are so sensitive to our weight that when we hear the words we take them to heart too much?

Fat, obese, overweight, plump, chubby, stout, portly, tubby, flabby, pudgy, piggy, heavy, chunky, hefty, XXX size, plus size, queen size, big girls, and more...all words, just words! But they can really affect us, can't they?

We give too much power to others and to words others may use. We should NOT be using words like this in our own brains either. We don't need to beat ourselves up any more than we already do!

These are the facts: I am over 50 and I am fluffy. I choose to say fluffy because I don't need to beat myself up over this weight stuff!!! The word fluffy makes me smile. Life should be more about smiles.

Are you fluffy too?

And I didn't Give Up!

The dark mood has lifted and I am doing okay today. I still am going to explore ways to stave off these feelings, as I am sure they will come to haunt me again!

I made it to the center to exercise this morning and have a very good, very healthy supper planned. One day at a time...one day at a time.....

Try, try, again...

I just realized that I now have less than 100 pounds to lose to be in the non-obese range! According to "the charts" out there, I should weigh around 150 pounds, give or take about twenty pounds. You may have noticed I have a 100 pound goal right now. That goal will get me to 191 pounds...41 pounds above 'normal' and only 21 pounds above a healthy weight.

I was down a little over a pound and a half this week. I should be rejoicing. For some reason I am not. This whole week has seen higher calories and fat. I am averaging around 1000 calories a day and 21 grams of fat. The previous weeks have been less than these numbers.

I took one of those silly quizzes that says I am food obsessive. I am afraid to not be this way. I will be trying to find answers on how to deal with this, this week. I recognize the old tapes trying to start running that lead to quitting. It IS a good thing that I gave away my big clothes. I can't afford to get fatter again!!!

Being Chicken

Yummy! This was lunch today. Starting with the base...the salad plate I use is a fun design that makes you smile right from the start! (I think having fun dinnerware is a great thing!) I then added more color by tossing in a couple handfuls of mixed greens. On top of it all is a mixture of diced chicken, sliced black olives, grape tomatoes-cut in half, chopped green peppers, chopped sweet Vidalia onions, and a little Miracle Whip Lite dressing. (It is amazing how far a tablespoon of dressing goes!) I also added a little seasoned salt and dried celery flakes. mmm mmm mmm!

My salad dishes are almost as large as a dinner plate. They have a bowl shape and hold a LOT of food! I love having this huge meal with no guilt. It has about 225 calories and six grams of fat. It is also very filling!

I am still learning about foods. It is a never ending education for me. This is the part of this lifestyle change that I detest most. Well, at least today I detest it most-est!

Something else that bugs me, is that once I start eating, I want to keep eating, even when full. It is like a feeding frenzy!!! What am I? Part shark?Sometimes I am afraid to try to eat breakfasts because I will use up calories and then overeat by the end of the day! I hate, HATE, HATE, having to think about food ALL the time! Will I have to write down everything I eat, all the time, for the rest of my life? I ain't gonna. No-sir-ree-Bob! I do not have the alternative answer to this yet, but it will be a cold day in H-E-double toothpicks before I will write down everything I eat for all the rest of my life! But this is a maintenance thing that will be addressed when I arrive at the end of the weight loss part of my program. As I have already told you, I invent things to worry about and today was the day to worry about something that doesn't really need to be worried about for a long time yet.

The thought I want to leave you with today is why I am writing this blog and sharing it with total strangers, as well as a number of people who know who I am in person. Yes, it IS a self-serving thing to do. By sharing my thoughts, fears, feelings, worries, successes, ups, downs, and the rest, I truly hope to help out someone else on this journey. By sharing all this, I also keep motivating myself more. So I AM being selfish by sharing my journey, but I really do hope I can help too. Fair trade? I think so. I don't want to hide my journey this time. I don't want to be a chicken anymore! Come on! Be brave with me and let's go cook a chicken for supper tonight. No frying though!