I don't feel a 'little bit nutty'...I feel I am full blown walnuts!

I wish I knew what weight is right for me. I've never been there. I might be there now. I might not be there now. It is not easy to figure out.

I was reading a guest post on Crabby's blog last week. Shadowduck had a wonderful posting titled: The Long Slow Climb. It was a very good posting. I left a comment, as did many others, and my blog posting today is pulled from my comment.

"I am still here in plateau-land and have pretty much been living here for a year now. Recently I even gained a few pounds. How depressing. I've been trying to keep a stiff upper lip about it all, but it isn't easy. 

I like the analogy of the "Me" from two years ago talking to the "Me" now...or seeing the "Me" now and admiring how far I've come! So what if it is only 99 pounds right now and at one time was 105 pounds lost? This is still a great achievement! I will keep telling myself this. I can't give up now and go back to what I was! I just can't!

I am trying to be proud of what I have achieved, and that is why I have not given up. Truth be told, that 100 pounds was not that hard to take off. I was stubborn and stuck with it and had all my ducks in a row to achieve that huge milestone. I know that and I am trying hard to keep that in my brain. I have always been such a failure at this weight stuff! I don't want to be a failure this time as this is the biggest achievement I have EVER done on my own with no gimmicks.

Having had so much steady success for the 15 months it took to lose that 100 pounds, it has been a real test of perseverance to not let 'it' get to me that I have not lost anything since then. 

This last bit of weight has been just stuck for over a year now. I am not trying to be ultra thin/skinny either. The old charts say I should be around 140-150 and I am just hoping to get to 179. Today I have 13 pounds to lose to get there. This is all new territory for me too. I am not sure if I should just be happy at this weight or if I should be worried sick that I am starting to gain it all back or if I am just crazy like the rest of the world and it will be what it will be. :D

Thank you for your comments. (and for 'listening' to my story here) Perhaps I will find the way to kick start my progress again, and that will be great. If not, I think the powers that be are just teaching me to love this version of me, as I AM so much better than I was two years ago!"

 "I am not just a little bit nutty, 

I am full blown walnuts!"

Walk-on dear readers, walk-on...

Party On Dudes and Dudettes....

Life can be a bitch or a party....

I weighed in at 192 pounds this week. So now I have to say I've only lost 99 pounds and I've been kicked out of One-derland...but no, I AM still IN One-derland, I just can't say I've lost 100 pounds right now. OR I can say I lost 100 pounds and gained back one, so now I have only lost 99 pounds. How neurotic we foodies/fatties/health-nutters/crazy/sane/normal people we can be.

...but I have stopped smoking, for over a week now.

...and I am tired of calorie counting and don't really think that is the problem anyway.

...plus I know one thing I haven't been doing...walking. So I am adding more walking back into my life.

...and then there is the Taekwondo that wasn't working for me. The class times are bad for my life. In the end, the cost will be too much to continue on, so I have decided to discontinue that.

Am I suffering with depression? Am I overly stressed in my life? I don't think so. I am not thrilled with the scale. I am concerned with the expansion in my waist. I've gained several inches that are in no way related to the scale readings. It is like I have a bunch of air blowing up little balloons in my belly. I am hoping this is a reaction to the excess sugars from drinking a bit more wine than usual. I don't have wine in the house now as the last was finished over a week ago. I've added the walking back in for four out of the last five days. I am still eating pretty good I think. If things keep going the wrong way, I am not sure what I will look at next.

Words of wisdom common sense: 100 calories of carrots is not the same as 100 calories of cookies.

See you soon.....I am going to go party now, with nature...Walk-on dear readers!

To market, to market, jiggety jig...

Saturday Morning: I just finished a most delicious breakfast. We had eggs and sausages from the farmers' market, orange Cutie segments, homemade biscuits, and homemade hash browns with chopped onions. YUM.

As I sip the last of the morning coffee, I thought to my self that I should post on my blog more. Why don't I? Well, mostly I don't because I only have snippets of thoughts that don't seem to be enough to make a whole posting. Sometimes it is because I wrestle with the tedious chore of using my own photos vs the easier way of stealing borrowing photos from Google Images. I worry about copyright infringement. I don't like to do it. But I also do not like using my own photos because it takes so damn long to edit them (to MY exactness) and then to upload them. The photos on this posting took about an hour to prepare for the blog. I don't know if it is because I am so slow, or what.

Anyway...

The farmers' market is finally open for the season. (I know there is one egg missing from this dozen, use your imagination: This is what $4 eggs (a dozen), looks like. The other booth had them for $4.50 per dozen. They are free range chicken eggs, even the green ones.

This is early in the season for eggs. The hens react to daylight hours and as spring comes on, they lay more and more eggs. Later in the summer I would expect to see the yolks a LOT darker in color. The store bought egg is on the left and the farmers' market egg is on the right.

Both are about the same in freshness. That is a rarity as I would expect the store-bought eggs to be a lot older and less fresh. We can't always buy the farm fresh stuff and now I won't feel like I am missing out on 'good' eggs as much as I had thought.

I am not sure that the cost difference warrants the farm egg over the store egg. We could not tell any difference in flavors and I honestly wanted there to be a huge difference!

'Cage free' eggs in the grocery store are not the same as 'free range' eggs at the farmers' market, I may try farm eggs again, just because of that. (Or I could get my own hens...but I would hate having chickens in town.) Perhaps in another month the yolks will darken and the full flavor will come through.

Here is the rest of our haul at the market on Saturday:

There are sweet potatoes, the eggs, red lettuce, broccoli, beef and sausages. The sausages were pretty good, though I overcooked them and they were a tad dry...not burnt though. They came from the same vendor that had the eggs. I liked these young gals and will do business with them again!

Sunday Evening: We were very disappointed in the steaks. They were super small, SUPER expensive, and although tender, they had little if any, flavor. From the same vendor though, the hamburger was very well received by the hubster and our son. In some fairness, part of the reason that the steaks were not what we had hoped was because I thought we were paying a price per pound. The steaks ended up costing close to a dollar an OUNCE or more. Very very very expensive.
The ground beef though, at $6/lb, did have better flavor than the extra lean beef I get at the grocery store. Was it because it was fattier or because it was grass-fed? I am not sure. We will try grass-fed again...just not from this vendor.

Monday Afternoon: We inquired about the CSA program at another vendor. If we were to sign up, it would cost us about $20-$30 per week, paid in advance. ($800 for the most expensive) I am just not ready to commit to getting a mystery basket each week.

In other news, our governor is reportedly about to sign a bill, allowing farmers to sell raw milk to the public with some limitations but at least it will not be illegal anymore. I have plans to meet up with some small farmers after it is finally legal to buy the milk. I have plans for several homemade things from this.

Monday Night: Supper is over and I am tired. I've been running all day. I wish I could say I was jogging all day but I don't do running for exercising. The day flew by...just way too fast. Yoga wasn't as rewarding as I had hoped. I am looking forward to our regular teacher coming back. The sub isn't all that bad but our regular teacher has us spoiled. Tomorrow is Taekwondo. I still feel so dumb in that class. I can't remember the sequences of the moves. I plan to ask for a little more help or to be allowed to take notes. I hope if I can practice at home I can remember more than two moves at a time!

Oh and last but certainly not least!!!! THANK YOU to all who leave comments. I do read every single one and I have no good excuse for not answering every single one. I hope you'll overlook this little shortcoming of mine. I, very much, appreciate all your comments, I really do. Well maybe not the spammer comments. I get tired of deleting them over and over again. blah!!!

Walk-On dear readers and have a great week!

I am...crazy

As promised, your fearless leader:

Donut Rolling

I DID make it to my first martial arts class ... and survived.... and didn't hurt myself or others around me! I have about seven more free classes to go. I needed to do something to motivate me to get back on track with my exercising. I get bored so easily!

My goal is to try the martial arts, for the free one month trial. Then spend the money for a membership there, or at a local gym. Somehow I am going to find the money for a trainer for at least a few sessions if I go back to the gym. I wish I could afford one all the time! Things never did work out with the trainer I was trying to meet up with a few weeks back and I have given up on him. :(

I hope to get a photo of me in my martial arts uniform. If I do, you'd better not laugh at me. I felt SO out of my element Tuesday! My first class included four boys...teens or tweens maybe, one 20-ish year old girl, and the two instructors, one male and one female. I got lots of special treatment...I am sure it wasn't because I have the coordination of a donut. Actually, at least a donut can roll...I haven't had to do that yet, but I saw some of the more advanced students do that.

I struggled with going back to the second class on Thursday, but I did. I am glad I did too. I was awarded my first belt! Yes, it is the white one, but it is MY first! They also did a little ceremony to present it to me. I like feeling so special!

I feel very uncoordinated, clumsy, and way out of my comfort zone in class. It is strange saying "SIR" and bowing. I find I am strangely loving it! I don't know if I will keep up with it beyond the free 30 day pass. I DO like a challenge though and the thought of perhaps getting at least one colored belt someday is appealing.

I will keep you posted!