What the heck am I saying? I hardly know where to begin. How about with a cute picture of Abby with a toy spider to play with and to tease the cat with?
Abby has had a hard time of it. Things have been going sour for months now. Although she kept hanging on, she was loosing ground. One thing about Abby, she doesn't like taking pills. She thinks she is strong enough to deal with life on her own. She thinks she isn't SO depressed that she needs a pill to make her happy.
Then she fell apart . . . again. She had mild depression, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, crying way too hard for no real tangible reason, and was so miserable. She felt like she was under her own private rain cloud…all doomy and gloomy. She put on a good front though. She was in denial. She did not want to take any damn pills.
She wasn't suicidal. (You don't have to want to end your life to need help.) Abby just figured everyone was sad, every day. She felt very empty too. She bravely sought help and started taking a medicine that helped, but it made her very sleepy.
She could barely make herself go to yoga class, much less keep up with the ten minute a day walks. She was mad at herself for being this way. She went back to the doctor and tried a new pill. She isn't as tired now. Hopefully this new pill will help her with coping skills and get her back into the life she really wants to live.
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It's funny how Abby has a lot of the same problems I have! I've been on my new pills for two weeks now. I am now in my studio more and have a bit more energy. I am still not happy with my level of alcohol intake although it is a LOT less and getting more-so.
I had something happen this past weekend that I really truly hope means I am headed back on the right path. I got a kick in the pants. I tried to put on a dress and it didn't fit. I love this particular dress. It really brought it home that I might only have gained 20 or 30 pounds, but it IS making a difference in my size. And I do NOT like this, not one little bit!
Today I felt that spark of renewal and rebirth. Today I felt that I might be able to make this life, MY life, on MY terms again. Keep your fingers crossed.
Oh, and walk on, even if only for ten minutes a day!