Cheap Cheap goes the Chicken

I have done this experiment twice now. I buy baked chicken from the deli when it gets marked down for a quick sale. I have twice bought two containers of baked chicken for $4.13 per box. The full price is $6.99 per container. Each box has two breasts, two thighs, two wings, and two legs. I will then de-bone them as well as take the skin off. I break them up into containers to freeze for homemade chicken soups or other dishes requiring cooked, chopped chicken. After I do this you can see these results on my counter:

As I work to de-bone and de-skin the chicken, I usually nibble at the wings as they are too hard to strip the meat off of. I actually build this in to my lunch as part of the meal. So those three containers to the right are just meat and are mostly from four legs, four thighs, and four breasts. The pile on the left is the skin and bone.

Those three containers cost me $8.26. I weighed them and did the math. I am paying about $3.30 per pound for that chicken. Remember, this is for TWO birds. Now when I see organic chicken on sale that is already de-boned and has the skin removed, $4/lb doesn't seem as expensive. Keep this in mind when you buy whole chickens, whether organic or not. There IS a lot of waste. Chicken really isn't all that cheap when you compare this way, to boneless beef or pork cuts, or ground beef or pork.

I DO still like the convenience of the cooked chicken. I will not pay the full price for it ever! I would be paying close to $10 a pound then!!!

In other notes, we went for a walk today. We went on the trail to see if it was still blocked by the trees that came down during the Christmas storm we had. The trail had mostly been cleared. The huge fifty foot pile of debris in front of our house though, has NOT been picked up yet. We are not amused.

I was down another pound this week. I am not even trying hard to do anything. I am just living a nice normal life and giving myself some down time to relax once or twice a week. Guess what? I am doing just fine! Even I find it amazing to think I can live life this way! It is so easy! And boy do I get off on the men who seem to go out of their way to hold doors open for me! hahahaha My sweet husband has nothing to worry about though. He is still and always will be the love of my life. I just am not used to being treated with respect from strangers. That is kind of sad, isn't it? Hopefully I am helping others to become as happy and healthy and fit and just normal as I am!

Till next week...walk on!

Zippity Do Da!

Ahhhhhh, it feels soooooo good! Yes, after weeks of being way OFF track, I am finally back ON track! Zippity do da, zippity yay, my oh my, what a wonderful day!

I was all over the place for a while. I didn't give up but I sure was worried for a while. Silly me. I think part of the problem that it took so long to recover from the holidays was our weather here. One day we are in the cold and the next we are in spring like weather. I must admit that walking in the sunshine today was invigorating!

I even dropped a couple pounds. I am always curious to see if that trend stays on the downward slide or not. I would still like to get down another ten or so pounds.

I went back to the pool for the first time in months. My skin was so dried out afterwards! I put lotion on it and I smelled like chlorine. Yuck! I had showered afterwards, but I guess my skin had absorbed more chlorine that I had expected.

It has been fun to have new folks in our weight loss support group. I am always so hopeful that some of them will stick it out and gain control of their lives, learning to live healthier and to maybe lose a few pounds in the process.

I recently found another older photo of me. This couldn't get any more real because both photos were taken in the month of October. The one on the left was in 2007 and on the right October 2012. Gads, was I really THAT fat!!!??? And gads, am I really THAT skinny???!!!

I know this isn't the most interesting posting and is pretty much all about me. I don't have any new tips or tricks to share. I will say though, that giving up is never an option. You might have to side step to get around that big old tree in front of you, but just go forward as soon as you can get around it. You can do it. Shoot, I DID!

Walk-on my friends...see ya on the trail!

Reality Check

Ok, the holidays are over. The yoga classes are back in session. The last of the holiday treats have been consumed. The weight has gone up four pounds since just before Christmas.

I have not been exercising very hard. More like hardly at all. I have kept up with my yoga twice a week and I have walked 3-6 miles per week for the past ...oh, week or so. I have also not done much of anything for a few days in the middle of the week. I used to make it a point to do something six to seven days a week.

I've been enjoying a few too many sweet treats, wine, breads, cakes, candies, and the like. I know why the weight crept back up.

My negative Nelly inner voice is saying, "Here we go, we are going to get fat again." My positive Polly inner voice is saying "No, this too shall pass and we will be back on track soon."
Nelly: "You can't do this long term. You are a fake."
Polly: "That's just silly! You've worked too hard...well not hard, because it was easy. But you've stayed with the plan and did the work needed to lose all that weight! Give yourself a break!"
Nelly: "That is just a bunch of BS. Once a fatty, always a fatty."
Polly: "Yes, it IS true, once a fatty, always a fatty. You will never forget you WERE a fatty. But you will not give back all those diamonds you EARNED girl! Now hush up and give yourself some credit here!"
Nelly: "You..." !!!SLAP!!!
Polly: "Shut up Nelly! She is doing just fine. Leave her alone. Come on Walker Lady, let's plan our week and get back on track."

See you next time. Till then, walk on!!!

Trail check

If you haven't heard, our area was hit by a pretty good winter storm on Christmas Day. Some folks were without power for over a week! Everywhere there are trees and limbs and broken branches that will need to be cleaned up. We had some damage here too, but the house wasn't hit.

We went out today to see what damages there were to the Levy trail we like going on so much. Most of the trail survived and all of it could still be traversed. There were a few tricky parts though!

Ziva let me lead the way so I could feel special.
She is such a brave dog. (coughcough)

New Yoga pose?

There was evidence of folks having cut up some of the trees and branches that were blocking the trail. There was a section of trail that I think of as the 'party' section that you could have driven on as it was so clean. Funny how all the trees and limbs seem to fall sideways along that part of the trail so it was still passable!

With changes coming to my exercise routine again, it was good to know that I still have my trail to fall back on, when all else fails.

Till next time, walk-on!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

What's that? It's been a new year for a week now? Really? Gee, time flies! I should have known time was flying since I have been working on getting this post done since New Year's Day.

SO, we made it to another year! Time to celebrate! Time to get back on track if we've strayed off the healthy eating path or if we have not been doing our exercises as we should. (Don't look at me that way!) Of course I was PERFECT over the holidays. Why I exercised every single day! I didn't over indulge. Not me. I am perfect.

Does that all sound right to you? Of course not. I am human! I DID have a perfect holiday as far as exercise and eating healthy. I enjoyed indulgences. I used a lot of shopping in place of actually going to classes for exercising. (Not to mention many of the classes were not going on due to the holidays) I know I gained weight over the holidays. I had way too many carbs, mostly in the form of Chex mix. I had too much alcohol, mostly in wine. I gained about 2.5 pounds. I am not upset about this at all! Ok, I AM a little upset, only because it took so long to lose those same two pounds before! Will it take a long time to get them back off? I don't know yet.

I won't let this set me back though. In fact, I think this will be a great time to see if the theory of 'shocking' the system works. I might have inadvertently kick started a weight loss slide! Then again, maybe not. hahaha

Seriously, there are so many things in transition, it will be interesting to see what does and what does not change. Will the weight go off a little faster or will I be stuck on a plateau for months again? What new exercise regime will I do now that the weight training classes are no longer offered? Will I be walking the trail more? I have so many choices...it is actually exciting!

I haven't made any New Year resolutions. I don't need to. I am resolved to keep on eating right and exercising and enjoying it as much as I can! I will also try not counting calories for a while, to see how 'normal' I can become. Today is the first day that I am doing that.

Ok, if I don't get this posting done and published right now, it will be 2014 before it appears! Or you might think something happened to me and that I quit. Nope, not me! I am still here. I hope you are too! Get back with 'it' as soon as you can folks. It's a great life. Let's live it to the fullest!

As always, dear readers, walk on!

WHO? ME?

Just stopping by to say another quick hello! We are snowed in and I am missing my exercise classes. I knew I liked them, but I didn't know how much I liked them until I'd been deprived of being able to go to them!!!

I think I have gained about ten pounds over the holidays so far. Wayyyyy too many carbs...that chex-mix is wicked good! I hope to walk to the store today to get some much needed fresh produce. We can't drive out there yet and might not be able to for a few more days. My wrist got tweaked and I can't even shovel snow, which I would gladly have done for exercise!

My favorite Fat 2 Fit podcast sent out a notice that they plan to be back in 2013. I sure hope so! I miss that podcast a lot. It won't be the same guys, but I am hoping it will be the same theme...I can't imagine it won't be! "Eat like the thinner person you want to become." That is it in a nutshell. MMMMMMM nuts, cashews, pecans, almonds....we have a lot of those in the house right now too. I think I gained a pound, just thinking about them!

I hope you are having a wonderful holiday season as well. Be kind to yourself and get back on track as much as you can, as soon as you can. That is what I plan to do!

Till next year, walk on my friends!!!

Dashing through the snow...

Just dashing in for a quick hello! 

Hello!

No snow here yet. Perhaps by Christmas Day!
Today begins a five day stint with no exercise classes. Whatever will I do?
I am going out to dinner tonight, to celebrate with my husband. It is his birthday today!
I am glad the world didn't end, as some feared.
I refuse to change the number above, that says what I weigh. I've been all over the place and even saw a 180 for a day. I will see what happens in 2013, after the holidays and all the goodies I plan to enjoy!

Has anyone noticed that chicken prices are not very good right now? I have a freezer full of beef roasts and ground beef. I have one package of pork. I have no chicken. Well, I suppose I could have chicken if I bought regular chicken and wasn't waiting for the organic chicken to be on sale. How dare I want to wait for a sale price? It might have something to do with the organic chicken being higher priced per pound than the steak that I buy sometimes!!!
I should look into raising chickens in the back yard. But then I would have to butcher them myself as my hubby and child would hightail it out of here if they saw me wielding an ax.

For the first time that I can recall, I am looking forward to enjoying a goodie or two this holiday season. For the first time, I am not afraid of having a treat or two! For the first time I am not worried. For the first time, I feel in control of what I choose to eat. I will over indulge a bit here and there and I might gain a pound or so. THIS year though, I know I can take it back off as I get back into my routine of exercising and eating right.

It is still SO very easy! I cannot believe how successful I have been and continue to be! Really, if you are struggling, don't give up. Figure out what works for you and in the words of Picard, "Make it so."

On a serious note, yes, I DID walk in remembrance for the children and adults who died in Newtown. It felt good to pay homage to them. I am doing more, but for today, this was the right thing to do.

Now dear readers...enjoy the holidays, your families, your lives, and as always,

Walk On

Time on the 21st

I just haven't felt like posting anything since Friday's tragedy in Connecticut. How does anyone deal with the horror of those little lives being taken so violently? I don't know. I do know I was immensely happy to hug my 6th grader when he came home from school that day. I felt guilty because I had a child to hug.
I have heard some talk of folks saying they are walking for at least 27 minutes on Friday the 21st, in order to remember those 27 lives lost, both young and old. For 27 minutes they will walk in silent contemplation and reverence. I plan to do something similar during my Friday walk. I don't want to hold it to a specific 27 minutes, but will dedicate 30 minutes without music or podcasts playing in my ears...to remember all that have been lost too many times in too many places. Join me?

Being Comfortable

I am enjoying a most delicious apple right now. I take a bite and type and bite and type. As long as I don't drool on the keyboard, I think this will work out just fine!
Speaking of working out, I was thinking about my exercise regimen yesterday. I really like the balance I have right now:

• Sundays I often go for a very long walk. 
• Monday is yoga and I like how I get to stretch all my muscles after having done whatever I've done on the weekends. It seems to start the week out right.
• Tuesday is a short walk in the morning and upper body weight training class in the afternoon.
• Wednesday I am back in yoga class. After the workout on Tuesday, I find yoga relieves tight and sore muscles.
• Thursday is a short walk in the morning again. In the afternoon I go to weight training class for the lower body and legs.
• Friday is a free-for-all day. I usually schedule some sort of errand running or I might do the short walk. Sometimes I don't leave the house, but I will do some housework. I also have recently made a morning appointment with myself to sit for 15 minutes and work on my art journaling.
• Saturday is a toss-up day. I can go for a walk, work on the strength machines, go in the pool, or do major yard work or housework or shopping or nothing. 

I am comfortable. Not TOO comfortable, but just the right amount of comfortable. As each week passes and my weight does not go up, I am thinking..."Is this real? Why is this time SO different? How can this be SO freakin' easy???" Is it because I give myself permission to not be perfect? Is it because I don't need to be 120 pounds to be healthy? I think for each of us, the answer is a different reason.

All those years of trying to lose weight and failing over and over again...why am I successful now? In part I think it comes down to the fact that I educated myself and continue to educate myself about foods and new discoveries in the world of heath. I remain a skeptic about most things (especially the NEWEST things) and stick to the basics that keep working well for me, time and time again. In part, I...

• eat sensibly and mindfully.
• add vegetables every time I can.
• make changes where I can and don't stress about the changes I can't make.
• keep active in life or in exercise classes.
• utilize a support group that helps me stay motivated and is very therapeutic.
• change up my exercise routine if I get bored doing what I am doing. 
• if something keeps tripping me up, I figure out how to not trip over it!

My weight has remained down from where it was a month ago. The more I live, what seems normal to me, the more I am amazed that I am not gaining, and in fact I lost a bit. This is exciting...well to ME it is!

Till next time, Walk-on!!!

Granny was right

Granny was right about more than we realized at the time.

Remember when she was doctoring her family? 

It has been so long ago since I've seen this show but I still recall one episode that has stuck in my mind all these years. There was an episode where a woman asked Granny for help. She couldn't sleep at night. Did Granny have some hill-country medicine that would help her sleep?

What did Granny prescribe? I seem to recall butter churning, floor washing, wall washing, washing clothes by hand with a washboard, and various chores that were normal for Granny to do every day. The woman was well off and had a maid that did all her household chores. When she followed Granny's advice she slept like a baby that night.

I've always remembered that part of that episode. If you're lazing around and at the end of the day you can't sleep, SOMETIMES it is because you haven't been active enough during the day.

A parade of wheat

It has been a whirlwind around this household! After the 'Big Dam Bridge Full Moon Walk' we had a birthday for my son. We then followed up that with a parade! The three of us were in the parade group from Fit 2 Live out of North Little Rock.

That is my son on the left, my husband in the middle and myself on the right. The parade theme was "A Psychedelic Christmas" so I found my original big bell, bell bottom jeans from 1974. Funny how tight they fit back in '74 and how lose they were now! I had to wear a belt to hold them up. What a fun way to get a 4+ mile walk done for that day's exercise!

So many things are on my mind! Before I forget all of them, I am trying to type really really fast! Here are the tidbits from my mind today:

• My weight started a downward trend again! I am not sure why but I am not going to argue the fact that over the last four weeks I've dropped at least two pounds!
• It has now been over a week since I quit smoking. I've been off the patch for four or five days. I declare that I have again, quit!
• I like having a trainer to work with on weight training. He keeps track of what I am doing and what I need to do and when I need to change it up. I like the freedom to not have to think about every detail and to just DO what he says I should.
• I like the structure of the yoga classes too, for the same reasons as the weight training sessions. 
• Having two days a week of structured yoga and structured weight training is plenty for me. The other three days are toss up days to exercise how I want to. I do make it a point to do something in the name of exercise each day, but I no longer am worried that I am not doing enough or doing exercise hard enough.
• I am starting to wean myself off of calorie counting. My New Year's goal is to stop all together. It is scary but at the same time exhilarating to think I can do this!
• My eating habits are getting more and more second nature. I love not having to be so damned obsessive about every morsel that goes into my mouth.
• I enjoy helping others with their weight issues. The longer I am successful at this the more empowered I feel that I CAN make a difference in someone else's life so that they do not have to suffer like I did.
• When I 'cheat' or just have to have something extra I am making it a point to have some mixed nuts, or a piece of fruit, or Greek yogurt. My theory is that since those are more natural foods, they will be absorbed better, health-wise, than a processed food would be.

I saw this on Facebook the other day:

I love the one that says the unopened registers

are there for decoration only! hahaha

My eating habits are leaning more and more towards eating more protein, vegetables, fruits, and drinking more water. I am trying to cut more and more wheat carbs out of my diet. That is an experiment I am working on to see if it makes a difference in how I feel or if the belly fat that I still carry around goes away more.

There is a theory out there that says the wheat we eat now is so far removed from the wheat our grandparents ate, that it is the cause for every ailment under the sun! I am undecided about *GMO stuff, but heck, this is worth a try! (*GMO = genetically modified organism) We often eat too much wheat anyway. Look at the processed foods and just see if there is any wheat in it. We are supposed to be surprised at what does actually have wheat in the ingredients.

We think of breads and such as having wheat, but I think we forget just how much wheat we use in other products. Maybe it IS something and maybe it isn't. I am ever the skeptic, so I can't take anyone's word for it. I will be my own guinea pig again. I'll keep you posted on the results.

That's it in a nutshell for today! My exercise of choice today is decorating the house for the holidays. It is a lot of work but it is also a fun way to exercise!

Till next time...walk-on!

It was a cold and stormy night...

No, not quite. It was cold but the sky was clear. It was almost a full moon. My husband and son joined me in our second annual "Big Dam Bridge Full Moon Walk" last night.

When we arrived, it was almost dark. Aren't those lights pretty? They changed with the music that was playing over the loudspeakers.

There I am, about halfway back to the North Little Rock side, where we started at:

I love how the lights are checking me.

Here I am, posing for a photo. I was on the Little Rock side of the bridge at this point. I wish I could share with you just how exhilarated I was! As I strode along, this feeling of power and strength and pure enjoyment flooded over me. When I did this same walk last year, I didn't weigh THAT much more than I do now...I was about 25 pounds more a year ago. It was a bit of a struggle to do that walk, but this time...this time I felt SO STRONG! That feeling carried me all through today. I was proud of myself. It is a strange feeling to admit that I could be PROUD of what I've accomplished. Little old me...I DID it. I lost the weight. I worked at getting stronger. I accomplished so much! Little old me.......and now I hope I can help others to feel this good about themselves too.

Walk-on dear readers...walk-on.

Gobble Gobble

Happy Thanksgiving Day! 

I am thankful to all my readers who see my messages and are inspired to keep on, keeping on, with improving their lives, losing weight, and just living healthier! YOU keep ME going! Yes, you do!!!

I am totally not stressed out about today. I plan to eat well and sensibly. I will have pumpkin pie. It won't be the whole pie though, and I plan to enjoy every bite of what I do have. I also will go for a little walk later today as it is super lovely outside today!

I am grateful, that after all these years, I seem to have finally figured things out! I am successful, for the first time EVER, all on my own with no surgery, pills, gimmicks, or major life stresses used to lose weight for a short time, only to then gain it all back again.

I love my diamonds! I did have help though. Without the support of my husband and the folks in my support group, I really believe I would not have been this successful.

So again, thank you!

Not real exercise?

I didn't go to the gym today.
I didn't go for a swim.
I didn't walk on the trail today.
I didn't pick up my weights.
I didn't sit on the bouncy ball.
I didn't stretch out the bands.
I didn't do yoga or a DVD.
however.....
I did cover our 21,000 square foot lawn with fertilizer.
I did feed and mulch the roses.
I did sweep the sidewalk clear.
I did clip off the dead heads of flowers.
I did trim down some shrubs.
I did rake out my neighbor's huge flower bed.
I did sweep off her sidewalk.
I did a load of laundry and a little housework too.
I guess I did a little bit. How about you?

Did I mention we have NINE mature oak trees in our large yard? AND that we take care of our neighbor's yard too? I think almost three hours of yard work will count as exercising today.

Happy Fall! Oh, and walk-on dear readers, walk-on.

Random Thoughts

In no particular order, here are a bunch of random thoughts going through my head today:

1. No news about my friend who was injured. I hope to hear something on Monday at yoga class.

2. I finally took some photos off my phone and have them in my computer now. I have done this before, but here is a reminder of why I don't like the trail so much in the summertime in the south:

That is 77 inside and 110 outside. I bet I could have fried eggs without grease this summer if I'd put them out on the driveway!!!

3. About a month ago these flowers started blooming again. My cell phone camera doesn't begin to do them justice!

They are bigger than a baseball!

4. I have not stopped smoking, but have set Monday as the day to wake up and be smoke free once more! (damn cigarettes)

5. Mark Sisson of paleo eating fame was on a podcast I listened to today. He talks a good talk. He suggests trying his methods for four weeks and judge for yourself. I hate when things sound good because so many turn out to be just another twist on low carb or low fat or .

6. Crabby McSlacker, over on Cranky Fitness, asked on a recent post if we are guinea pigs with ourselves. I read her posting last night and was tired, but that thought stuck with me a lot today. Do we experiment on ourselves to see what works and what doesn't? I would say a resounding yes! 
See #5 above...am I thinking about experimenting with myself with Sisson's program? (the key word there is thinking about) I am not ready to give up on grains and dairy yet though.

7. I am really enjoying weight training classes. I think I am getting stronger. There are hopes that we can keep working together when these free sessions end.

8. I've been avoiding the trail a lot. I have no real reason or excuse. I finally forced myself out of the house at ten this morning and took off. Again, this photo doesn't do it justice. I am SO glad I did go out there.

9. THE BLAME GAME: I was thinking about how we play the 'blame game' with excuses as to why we do this or that or turn out the way we do. I think I started gaining weight around age four when my sister was born. So should I blame her for me being fat? My parents entertained a lot and always had chips and snacks and very buttery popcorn around. Should I blame them for me being fat? Fat makes us fat, or so they said in the 70's. Now they say it is sugar. Should I blame the government for getting it wrong?

I've said it before and I will say it again...we CAN blame everyone and everything we want to blame for how we ARE. We can really only blame ourselves for how we proceed from here.

10. For whatever reason, I have managed to lose over 100 pounds. "Whatever reason"? I worked at it. I didn't give up. I tried again. I tried a different way than from before. THIS time, it worked. THIS time it continues to work. I don't feel like I am starving. I don't feel I am over exercising. I am leading an active life but not at breakneck speed.

Will my way of losing weight work for you? It might. I can offer suggestions. I can offer tips. The trouble is, what happened to me, happened to ME. Not you. YOU have to experiment with yourself to learn what will work best for you.

We all have generalities that we can follow that seem to work on some levels for all of us. Knowing what we eat; eating quality food; fitting exercise in our lives; those all make a difference. Remember that we are all different. We all have to devise a lifestyle that will work for us, personally.

"OH that is TOO hard! I don't want to do all that WORK to lose weight!" Fine. You don't have to! That's the good news, right? Yes, there is bad news. You won't change if you don't change.

That's it for today friends. Walk-on!

Hurting for a friend

I am sad today. At our yoga class we learned that a well liked member had been in an accident on Saturday. She is 65 and was riding her bicycle when she collided with a vehicle. She's been in a coma ever since. We don't know the prognosis.
She was one of the first ones in class that I talked to on a regular basis. An avid bicyclist and gardener, she always seemed full of energy and had a smile. I hope she will be ok. 

And they call it "The Streak"!

I admit it...I am a streaker! When I started changing my life around, I was adamant that FAT was very bad and was making me fat. I cut back everywhere on fatty foods. The less fat the better...in EVERYTHING! I was on a zero tolerance, no fat streak.

I then went on a tangent of having oatmeal every morning. Without fail, I HAD to have oatmeal.

I had a streak of Greek yogurt eating. I often had four or five servings a day!

There was the chicken salad for lunch streak that turned in to baked chicken with spinach salad for every lunch streak.

Right now I am eating eggs a lot. I love them poached on an English muffin with a piece of Canadian bacon. I have two eggs, one each on a half muffin, for breakfast. Yum!

There was the walking over ten miles a week streak, and the swim in the pool five days a week streak. That was followed by shopping every day at the thrift store streak. Shopping became my exercise of choice for a while.

I seem to go in streaks all over the place!

 The trail is beautiful this time of year.

 Ziva is always ready to go farther.

 I noticed this interesting piece of wood buried in the trail bed.

 Early morning sun makes the trail almost look magical.

 This could be a weed, but it still stuck out and begged to be noticed.

 Long tall morning shadows are interesting too.

 Walk-on dear readers!
 But with clothes on please...we don't do that type of streaking!

Move along, move along, nothing to see here

As I write this, this morning, I am beating myself up over two stupid things. The first is that I am still struggling with cigarettes. I am not smoking much, but I am smoking some. I know I will quit again. I hope I get myself kicked in the butt hard enough to make that happen REAL soon. Right now I am having a royal pity party though, and it ain't happening.

The other thing that I am beating myself up for, is over shampoo. Shampoo??? WHAT? Yes, shampoo. I am cheap frugal. It is a holdover from 20 years with my first husband who was a penny pincher extraordinaire. Sometimes this IS a good thing, but not always.

When I go grocery shopping I go down isle 20 in my local Kroger's, to see what is in the markdown section. I have had great luck with trying new things there, that I would never have bought at full price. The latest was Pantene shampoo and conditioner that was 50% off! Wow, a quality shampoo instead of the cheapo watered down stuff that is .99 cents a bottle! What a deal.....until this past week. We used it and it left a waxy feeling in our hair. We could not rinse it out! My hair looked wet or greasy, even though it was just cleaned!

So today I went to the store to return the bottles that I hadn't used. All SIXTEEN bottles worth...over $48 of shampoo and conditioner. The store would not take it back because it was marked down and I didn't have a receipt. I don't blame them, but that hurt the pocketbook a LOT. I did arrange to have the bottles donated to a women's shelter so perhaps someone there could get more use out of it. But I am kicking myself and feeling REALLY bad that I made such a huge and to me, costly mistake.

That's about it for today. The weight is staying the same again, but at  somewhat lower number that is three pounds down from where it had been for over five months. That is good. I am trying very hard to keep doing what I need to do to keep things in line as far as exercise and food intake. My heart is not in it. However, being the cheap frugal person that I am, I am STILL hanging on to those 100+ diamonds and I will not give up. I trust that things will turn around for the better soon...they always do. And I know in the whole scheme of things in life, that this too, shall pass and it really is NOT that big of a deal!

Walk-On my friends, walk-on......oh, and don't buy Pantene shampoo!!!

Floating Along

Weigh-in later today. Struggling with those blasted cigarettes this week. Kinda floating along right now with a maintenence mode of good eating most of the time and exercising too. Keep watching. Knowing me, things will change again soon! (in a good way)

Keep positive! Walk-on and see you around the bend!

The Numb3rs Game

As Frosty the Snowman says when he is awakened,
"Happy Birthday"!

Yes, today is my birthday. Number 58! I can hardly believe I am that old. I can hardly believe I am this young! I realized that my Mom was only five years older than I am today, when she passed away. My baby sister who passed away a few years ago last week, would have turned 50 this year. My oldest son will turn 30 in a few weeks and my youngest son will turn 12, a few weeks later.

What a life I have lead! What an adventure! What a thrill to contemplate all the curiosities the future will bring! And I have a much brighter future with a lot better quality of life ahead because of all the changes I've made over the past 24 months.

Let's do the boring stuff now, to see what has changed:

Year               2010            2012
Weight            291              188          
Cholesterol     225              177          
Waist              51"               36"          
BP                  159/89         113/70
BMI                43                 27
Body Fat        42%              27%
Size                28                16

One of my old goals was to be at 175 by today. I missed that. Will I ever be at that weight? Maybe. I am not as concerned as I was just a few months ago, about reaching that goal weight. I am still learning how to live life in this new body. I am still learning how to accept that I am looking like a normal person. I still have a body image problem in that I still often see a fat woman in the mirror.

For 2012 I made the One-derland goal in January and the 100 pound total loss goal in April.
I've  stalled out since then. However, I find it very easy to maintain where I am at. I still count calories because I still struggle with knowing if I have eaten too much or more often now, if I have eaten too little! I cannot believe I just typed that!!!

MY NEW GOALS for 2013:

1. To continue to eat healthy and to live an active and FUN life!
2. To continue to work on believing in myself that I CAN keep this life style going and that I WON'T gain back the weight.
3. To continue to educate myself and others about living a better life.
4. To continue finding new and fun activities to spice up my activity levels. (I am going to check out martial arts in November!)

Notice that there are no numbers in the goals I have set. I am enjoying where I am at right now. If more weight comes off later, that would be terrific. As long as more weight doesn't come back on, I think I will work more on just learning how to live this way for now. I have to learn how to buy the right clothes that flatter me. I want them to be comfortable too, but I want them to actually enhance these new parts that are looking pretty good for an old lady.

  

Happy Birthday to me! Walk-on friends of my blog! See you around the bend.

The Blame Game

We can't help what was done to us as children. We can help what we do to ourselves as adults.

We can't help how our parents raised us. If you want to blame your parents for not teaching you how to eat a healthy diet, go ahead. Then get on with your life and teach yourself how to do it right!

Do not let your past be your excuse to stay fat!  

The "Un-Meal"

I am often asked about what I eat on a day to day basis. I really don't eat too many odd things....at least not every day. You'll always find my Fage - 0% fat - Greek yogurt in my fridge. Most of the time you'll find eggs, baby organic spinach, and a variety of veggies. More than 50% of the time you will find some form of chicken, cooked, and ready to add to salad, sandwich, or soup. Pre-cooked oatmeal will be in the fridge or freezer in single serving containers.

Today has been an odd day...an "un-meal" day. Breakfast had sauteed onions and mushrooms, wilted spinach, two poached eggs, a fresh orange, and an English muffin. That isn't too radical, but it isn't oatmeal either. I used to eat 99% of my breakfasts as oatmeal.

Not strange enough for you? I made up for it at lunch time. I had an organic apple, a half cup of 'diet' trail mix, and ten pickled herring pieces. The Norwegian is coming out of me with that herring. YUM!!!



Supper will be much more traditional. I am fixing pork loin roast, red potatoes, and steamed veggies.

I have been enjoying lots of food experiments. Some work out and many do not! I like making food more fun. I love not having food as 'the enemy'!

A few tips regarding yogurt. I really am loyal to my Fage Greek yogurt. If I want a tangy flavor or want a substitute for sour cream, I use the fat free style. If I need something sweeter and more dessert like, I use the 2% style. I sometimes use a very good quality jam (not jelly) to add my fruit to the yogurt. I will not buy the yogurt with their own added fruit on the bottom, or even on the side. I sometimes use sugar free, fat free instant pudding mix with my yogurt. A teaspoon or more, to taste, can truly turn simple yogurt into a very satisfying treat! Plus, yogurt is good for you!

And yes, I know that instant pudding is not the best thing. I make exceptions for some things. I also have discovered lemon and lime curd. I will add one or the other to yogurt as well. Curd has a LOT more sugar in it though. It comes down to the lessor of two evils I guess. Chemicals or sugars. More important to me is being satisfied from a craving that could have soooooo many more calories. I like these concoctions that keep guilt out of the ingredient list.

(LATER THAT DAY) Ok, so that is how my day had gone until supper. I made the mistake of making brownies for my son for after supper dessert tonight. The Chocolate Demon then descended upon me, forced my mouth open and made me eat about two or three chewy oooooey gooey brownies! Bad Chocolate Demon...bad bad bad.

I have also had the "Eve Complex" today. Whole Foods has their great fall apple crops in, in all their glorious splendor!!! I've had four so far today.


I bet I have gained five pounds. Grrrrrrr......and how many thousands of extra calories have I eaten? I actually kept track and it was between two and four hundred. Big whoop-de-do! It isn't exact because I am not sure on the brownies' calorie count. I have allowed for a bunch of them, just in case. I would rather over estimate than under estimate. Too bad I can't "Un-Meal" the times I over did my caloric count. I guess I need to find a magic wand for that too!

In other news our state's fair started today. I think I will go there and have cotton candy...and a funnel cake. Actually, though I might have some of those treats, I doubt I could eat a whole funnel cake without getting sick. Even when PLANNING to be bad, I am not bad. Nope. I am LIVING life with indulgences now and then.  It is all part of living a healthy lifestyle. I have said it before and will say it again...if I can do it, so can you!


Walk-on folks! See ya next time...

Just Sayin'

On my way home from weight training class I had to slow down and brake three times for three different cars that all stopped short. All three cars turned into three different fast food joints within a few blocks of each other. See? This goes to prove that fast food can be dangerous to your health!!!

Why IS Processed Food so Bad?

I mean, doesn't processed food have lots of extra vitamins? Doesn't it have less fat and more nutrients?Aren't the pictures on the outside of the box appetizing? That food looks so good....doesn't it? AND it is SO easy to make into a meal! How can this be a bad thing?

First of all, let's define "processed food".  My definition is that processed food is any food or food-like substance that is not in its original form. Box mixes are processed foods. Pasta is a processed food. An apple is not. An apple pie is. Applesauce is a processed food. A food that has been 'worked on' is a processed food.

Where it starts to get tricky is when you start defining what type of processing has been done. To what degree has a real food been converted into a processed food?

I realize that most of our foods are processed to appeal to our modern day palates. Most folks like their peas cooked, not raw. Same goes for meats. Boiling peas is a very basic processing step. Grilling meat is pretty basic too. Peas in canned pea soup are processed more and usually have more added to it for flavor. Meat that is breaded and fried is more processed. Meat that is ground up is even more processed. Meat that is finely ground and mixed with God knows what, is slime is even MORE processed. Is it still food? Well, ya...kinda......but.......

Think about bread for a moment. On the back of most loaves of bread in the store, you'll see dozens of ingredients and additives. Most homemade breads are variations of flour, water, a bit of salt, and yeast. (mmmm YUM!!! homemade bread!!!) How long does a store-bought loaf taste fresh and soft? How long does homemade taste fresh and soft?

Take a bite of store-bought bread and it practically melts in your mouth. It will do that on day one and day two and day three and day four and day five and day six and often, even longer!

Take a bite of homemade bread and it is a bit more chewy. It tastes really good that first day, especially when still warm from the oven. Day two and it is ok. Day three it is french toast. Day four it is often bird food or frozen for stuffing in whole chickens or bread puddings. I think of the store-bought bread as pre-digested. Some of the work your gut is supposed to do, is already done by the pre-processing of the store-bought bread.

I tend to think of most foods this way...the more you don't have to do to it, the better it is for you. Remember the closer you are to picking it, plucking it, or shooting it, the more your food is not processed.

This is gross, but think of how a bird feeds its young. A bird eats a bug, processes that bug in its gut and then regurgitates pre-processed food into the baby bird's mouth. It makes it easier for the baby bird to digest. Processed foods get easier and easier to digest through our gut. The faster it breaks down, the faster it is absorbed. The faster it is absorbed, the faster it gets into our system and gets stored, often as fat. And who knows how many additives and questionable chemicals are also added in there? Is that good?

I am not a scientist but this all makes sense to me. Processed food just is not processed by our systems in the same way or in the best way for us as humans. Processed foods contribute to our weight gaining society. It may even make our systems hang on to calories from them as fat. I believe this to be true. Do you?

I try to eat the least processed foods that I can, however, I do not totally avoid processed foods. You have to choose what is best for YOU. Sometimes that might be what I do, but all the time, it should be what YOU do for YOU!

As Tim Gunn says, "Make it work!"
As Walker Lady says, "Walk-On!"

Anyone for lunch?

One chicken thigh and leg; de-boned, skinned, and chopped up makes a great salad, especially if you add red seedless grapes, chopped celery, grape tomatoes, a little honey mustard, a tablespoon of Miracle Whip Lite, and curry.

How about a whole bag of organic steamed veggies on the other side of the plate? That is 310 calories on a big plate and includes a tablespoon of butter! Now I ask you, how can you be hungry after this for lunch? Hmmmmmm?

What does a size 16 look like?

All the women above used a sewing pattern that was a size 16, for the slacks they are wearing. 

Size 16 seems to come in all shapes that don't look quite the same!

How can you feel good about yourself if you are not a model size 2? An article I glanced at had the subject line:

"Look Gorgeous Even With Size 16 Jeans".  

EVEN with size 16? What? Is size 16 normally an ugly size? 

What does size 16 look like?

 Oh how flattering this is! (insert sarcasm)
That size 16 model is so NOT pretty!

Here is a size 16 model that does a lot of work for Lane Bryant:

Her name is Ashley Graham and she's 22,  5' 9" tall. 

Her measurements are reported to be 36-34-47. 

By the way, her bra size is a 38D.

Here is another size 16 woman, although she is not a model:

She is 57, 5' 9" tall and her measurements are reported to be 40-37-43. 

Although she wore a D cup when she was in her 20's, 

somehow it measures as an A cup now. (38A-40A)

Let this be a lesson to you...if you are younger and have weight to lose, either lose it while you are still young so your skin shrinks back or save a lot of money so you can get plastic surgery to remove it later!

I am sure you've guessed that the photos of the 57 year old are mine. This is why it is hard for me to grasp that I am a size 16 and only considered to be overweight a bit. I "see" a huge belly and think I am still obese. My intellectual brain says differently. Someday I hope the two catch up to each other!

See the scar above my belly button? That is what stomach stapling surgery did to you 30 years ago.
I hear that the modern day version of this surgery leaves smaller scars now, but I would still never recommend the surgery.

Sometimes I AM allowing myself to catch a glimpse of what others see. This woman below, with her dog, doesn't look as huge as her brain sometimes wants to tell her she is. 

She actually doesn't look half bad for an old lady. 

I will enjoy my size 16. I will have to hunt a bit more, than some might, for the right clothes to hide the loose skin because I cannot afford plastic surgery, but that is ok. Being a size 16 is pretty cool and with the right clothes, you might even say a little sexy. Maybe spicy? Ah heck, I'll take being a nice woman who has a neat dog named Ziva!

Walk-On!!!

Can you keep a secret?

Shhhhhhhhhh....don't tell anyone or we might jinx this. After a week of eating more, my weight was down 1.8 this week. Now this could be just that same swing that has been going on since April OR it just might be the start of something good. I shall keep you posted...of course!

Can't wait to hit the trail tomorrow morning! Upper 50's and sunshine make for perfect walkin' weather. See you there!

Walk-on

Freaky Friday

Do I write about how the furnace service man said that I looked so good and SO healthy for having lost so much weight? He's used to seeing folks look sickly when they've lost a lot of weight.

Do I write about the neighbor's adult daughter who marvels at my weight loss and asks me every time how I did it. I tell her it is a lifestyle thing of good eating, and staying active. She looks down and says she is on the HCG diet again. Then hands me the banana pudding her mother, our neighbor, made. "I can't eat this on the HCG diet" she explains. She is still looking for her magic pill. (I had a spoonful of the pudding and it was soooooooo good! The child had some for dessert for the next couple nights and I had a spoonful again too!)

Do I write about being interviewed by the Fit 2 Live organization today? Yup, little ol' me was videotaped earlier today. I was talking about the trail I go walking on, the weight training I've started, and my overall journey of weight loss and learning now to live better. And I may have impressed them a bit. They mentioned the possibility of me speaking to some local groups about my experiences.

Maybe I should mention that I am still eating a lot more food and that tomorrow will be one full week of doing so. What will that blasted scale say? Can what I have preached all these past months really be real? Eat more....weigh less? Really? Really?

I think I won't write about anything tonight. I am happily exhausted from a very busy, exciting, crazy day! I have class to lead tomorrow and I need to get some sleep.

Things are a-happening in my life that are..... well they are downright un-freakin-believable!

Happy last day of Summer everyone! See you on the trails and yes, I promise to report the good, bad, or ugly results of the demon scale, tomorrow!

Walk-On!

Train Smarter, Not Harder

That is my message of the day. Lots of little things have been going on this past week. After a surprise drop in weight last week, I gained five pounds when I got on the scale, five days later. Was I bummed? No, I was downright depressed. And it hasn't gotten better. I am still down in the dumps about it. In reading about what to do I came across that phrase to "train smarter, not harder". Eat more, exercise less, be smarter, not harder on yourself. Really.

I saw my doctor for my annual checkup and although it went well, a test was forgotten and I have to go back...and pay another co-pay to have it done. (grumble) However, he was impressed that I had lost 31 more pounds since he saw me last.  And the nurse practitioner kept looking at my chart as we talked and then when I said I had lost 100 pounds total, she said "THAT explains it!" She thought she had the wrong chart because it did not match the weight of the person sitting in front of her! Ok, so that was kinda good.

I was nominated to become my quilting guild's 1st Vice President. I am already their Newsletter Editor and Web Master. I needed to add more to my life, right? Ok, so it is kinda cool to be asked and they promised it would only be when the President can't be there, that I would have to step in and that otherwise it would be an easy peasy job. We shall see.

Thursday I was solo at the support group as my co-teacher had another thing he had to do. We cover for each other when needed and I do not mind that at all. However, on Thursday afternoon, I had my weight training class too. I feel a bit stressed and stretched, so I think I will need to give up the Thursday morning support group until the weight training classes end in January. I am both sad and relieved about this decision.

The numbers are coming in from the tests I had at the checkup and my vitamin D level was way down again. I need to get a supplement. You'd think I got enough sunshine from my walking, but evidently I don't. I also will be seeing a specialist about my finger joint issues. It would be nice to get some pain relief! They want to ultrasound my kidney to check for something else and I need to have the boob squishing test done too. sigh....it is so challenging to be female sometimes!

Thursday my weight was up five pounds from Saturday. Why? In checking online and contacting someone about it, it seems I might now not be eating enough. I know, I preach that all the time. Well, it has come home to me here. So for the next few weeks I am upping my calories by about 500 more per day! Yes, you read that right. 500. I refuse to enter my weight from Thursday on my chart at the top of this blog. Besides, it was Thursday's weight, not the 'official' Saturday weight.

I found out that a local group wants to use a quote of mine in their book about getting our city healthier. They also want to interview me. Wow. Where will THIS lead? What will I do if I can't maintain a healthy weight? I do not want to be a hypocrite! I want to help others. NOW I find I have to help myself more. Should I wear makeup? I don't own any. ACK!!!

(I told you so, Robert...you have to give me THREE years before any of this change in me will be real and credible.)

I am tired tonight and have a big day tomorrow. I hope this posting makes sense! If not, don't pick on me too much. Later gators......

Cultured Corner

I have been keeping an artist journal that is loaded with references to my lifestyle. The ups and downs of weight gains and losses make for interesting topics. This is one page that was done back in July. I think I will share these with you all as the mood strikes me to. (smile)

All Wrapped Up

Years ago I remember my folks getting such a kick out of a joke where a woman met her husband and his boss at the door, wrapped in plastic wrap. (She didn't know the husband was bringing the boss home) Dad really thought this was hilarious. Mom just thought it was amusing....she had often complained when Dad brought home unexpected company for dinner.

I've been thinking I should wrap my body in plastic wrap. No, I would not meet my husband at the door like this, although I could ...... never mind! Anyway, when you wear a ring for a long time, that area of your finger gets slimmer. Why not wrap the saggy parts of my body in plastic wrap to shrink that?

If you do an online search about body wrapping in plastic wrap, you will be amazed at how many folks have tried this! I also found out that you can really mess up your skin. Some folks don't know they are allergic to certain plastics and blister up as if burned. Some leave it on too long and just have all kinds of yucky things happen to their skin. I think I will pass on this method to make my skin look less like a bloodhound and more like a human!

Yesterday I was in the thrift shop and decided to treat myself to a new piece of clothing. I am getting pickier about what I buy and what I keep in my closet! I found three pairs of jeans to try on. I didn't want the cheapo looking ones and went for those that had interesting details like studs or braiding on the pockets. All three were size 18's. One after another, I tried each one on. This is no easy feat when balancing on one foot trying to get my legs into jeans without crashing into the changing room mirror! One after another I tried each on and time after time I had to admit that none of them fit. They were too large! Really? I went back and found two more pairs of size 16 jeans. I tried them on. They fit! I was fully prepared for them to not fit as they are higher-end jeans. But they fit like a comfortable pair of leather gloves...snug but not tight, no sagging, no baggy butt, not too tapered in the legs...perfect for how I like wearing jeans! I used to wear size 28 jeans. Size 18 was really small to me. Size 16 seems really weird...but in a good way!

As I went through the checkout I was talking with my favorite checker girl about my fabulous finds for the day. I mentioned how happy I was to find out I was a size 16. She looked at me and said, "I wouldn't think you WERE a size 18!" Sweet girl. I should have given her a tip.

Just a few more notes before I head out to face the day...Cynthia commented on "The Thinker" posting, saying she had food obsessions. She thought that was a strong word, and I agree. However, I also agree that we get obsessed by certain foods! One way I have handled it is to find a substitute that would satisfy. If I craved cheesecake I put a little sugar-free/fat-free Jello Cheesecake pudding mix into my fat-free plain Greek yogurt. Sometimes I get fancy and put some lemon zest on that. It is very good. If I crave brownies, I find a recipe that I can cut the calories down by using yogurt or applesauce. I then calculate and allow for the calories for a serving of said brownie and I give the rest away to neighbors, the child, or sometimes freeze a few separate servings. Take the power away from the cravings and find a way to satisfy without insanity. It can be done!

Cynthia and I both agree, it just doesn't seem fair that those of us who tend to be fluffy MUST think about food and food choices a lot. I cannot say if this will ever become second nature or if we will always have to live like this. I am trying to make it more a lifestyle that I live so I do it without thinking. I have the snacks available for when I am just Jones-ing for something crunchy or salty. These are snacks that are 'ok' by my choice, to have and to not worry too much about consuming.

Finally Cynthia talked about loose skin too. She's lost almost 150 pounds, but still won't go out in shorts because she says she looks like a deflated elephant! I really know what she is saying. Plastic surgery is just not an option. I hope when I go in for my annual checkup next week, that my doctor can give me some hope for a lot of these wrinkles eventually becoming a little less like bloodhound skin. In the meantime, I am also looking into ramping up some weight training into my schedule. I haven't done much in that department and need to check it out.

Well, that's it for today I guess. I have a busy weekend ahead and a busier week next week! It is all good though. For now, take care of yourself, and walk on......

The Thinker

I've been rethinking about a lot of things lately. I actually took off the whole weekend to spend time with my family. No trips to the center for exercise or meetings or classes, no walks, no sitting at my computer in my studio away from family. It was wonderful.

I wasn't just sitting around being a couch potato, nor did I ignore my food choices. We stayed active. We worked for hours in the hot sun, doing yard work. We went shopping. We moved furniture around in the house and put shelves up. I exercised a LOT that way!

It's been five solid months now that the scale hasn't really moved. I fluctuate between 187 and 189 pounds, give or take an ounce or three. When I stop and think about it, I have reached a level of comfort and weight that might be just where I stay at. I lead an active life, make a point of exercising several times a week, eat sensibly, and take care of myself. Is this really as easy at it seems? How was I missing this all my life?

I don't feel deprived. I am not starving. I am not beating myself up on the treadmill. I am not running marathons. I am happy! Okay, so TODAY I am handling the stuck scale just fine. Will I feel this way tomorrow or next week? I don't know yet.

Another thing I wonder about is all this food stuff. Is organic really better? I agree that some organic foods taste better, but some do not. Organic also costs double or more. I don't mind paying more IF it truly tastes better. If I cannot tell the difference though, does it really matter THAT much? I am starting to ease up on my restrictions of trying to always only buy organic. I think I will use the non-organic if it tastes the same or better. I still like the organic chicken better for taste, so I will probably keep buying that. As far as the organic beef...ground beef, it does not taste any better or worse. I would do better on buying the really lean non-organic beef than spending even more on the organic. 

All these decisions are subject to change as the wind blows. It is just that lately I am thinking I don't really have to be SO hung up on every little thing!!! I am obsessive enough about other stuff in my life! I don't need to obsess about food too. And having said all this, I certainly will NOT gain all my weight back! I plan to keep that 100 pounds off and gone for good. I know I can do this now. I have done it for almost a half a year. IF things change in the future, it will be because I decide to make it change. The only option for change would be to try to lose more weight. Right now, I think I will coast for a while and see where this leads me. 

As ever, I will be researching and reading and listening to pod casts and videos. There is so much information out there! I also will be having my annual check up next week. I have lots of questions for the doctor. His answers and the tests results will probably play a part in how I proceed from now on too.

Success is neurologically determined by one's ability to stay focused on a task. My task is to eat healthy, stay active, fit exercise in my daily life or fit activity in my daily life. If I do that, I will be successful.

To TOTALLY change thoughts now, there is one thing I wish I could take care of. I have so much loose skin and flappy body parts that I feel so ugly sometimes! My bat arms could lift me high in the sky if a strong wind came up. Perhaps I should do what the lady in the picture below is doing. Heck, wouldn't it be the patriotic thing to do?

Till next time folks, walk on!

Ven Venting

Besides being a quilter I am also somewhat of an artist. I've always wanted to be one, when I grew up. Because of my artistic leanings, I am drawn (pun intended) to artistic shows. One such show is Project Runway. I think it is season 10 right now and we are about a third of the way into the shows. Each week these fashion designers are given a theme and they need to come up with a design and an outfit for models to wear.

In the past they have had to make something that a business woman could wear from office to dinner date. They've been able to design for stars who would be attending a red carpet event. They were sent to a hardware store once, to find items to make into clothing. (Most of the time they go to a place called Mood, that is a huge fabric store) You should see what you can make from black plastic garbage bags! I love seeing how their creative minds work.

Last week they were designing outfits for normal women whose friends wanted to give them a makeover. This is always challenging for designers to do because they are used to working with models that wear like a size zero. When you start getting over a size ten you are way up into the plus sizes in the fashion industry. (can you see my eyes rolling here?)

I forgot to mention that this show starts with about 15-20 designers and each week they eliminate one. Of course we get to know more and more about the different designers as each show comes on. And beings this is a 'reality' TV show, there is always some drama.

So, last week this one designer contestant gets a woman of size assigned to him. She was a whopping size 10 if you listened to her and size 14 or more if you listened to the designer that had her as his client. This designer's name was Ven. I think he is in his 30's and he really is a very talented designer. I don't like him as much any more.

All through the show he is complaining about how huge his client was and how he never designed for 'a woman of size' before. He says to his client that he will try to find a belt in a larger size as the ones he's been given are all too small. He says remarks that plainly are hurting the woman. He seems blissfully unaware at how he's coming across.

I am not the only one who wanted to throttle the man! However, on a list group I am on, of fellow artistic types, a person came on and asked why didn't the woman stand up for herself? Why did she take all that abuse and cutting comments without saying anything? She is seen crying in some clips, so he really did hurt her feelings.

This happens to so many women of size. We take abuse because many of us have such low self esteem that we feel we are not worthy to stand up for ourselves. When the obvious is pointed out to us, it hurts but we are agreeing inside that we really are awful people for being so huge.

I had planned to go on and on about this but after trying to write this post since Wednesday, I am giving up. Just know that I am angry with that designer and wish for him to lose the contest. I am angry at people who judge others for their size or looks or bank accounts. I am angry at myself for being judgemental and for having felt that I am not worth 'it' either. Gads!!! Self worth is so hard to feel sometimes!

and that is all i have to say for today.....blah