Got that out of my system

Ya, ok, I whined yesterday. Today I had a good talk with my trainer. I haven't given up. I don't have answers but I haven't given up. I need to remember I used to be here:

(about 400lbs)

 And then I was here for many years:

(about 285lbs)

And now I am here:

(222lbs)

I am healthier than I ever was. I am maintaining, even though at a higher weight than I want to be (222) I am maintaining. I need to keep remembering how far I have come!

In other news...

I went on the trail for the first time with Dexter over the weekend. He loved it:

I remembered Ziva. I still miss her and it has been well over a year now since she passed. I took this photo of her on a rock on the trail one day:

 Here's Dex on that same rock:

 Thanks for listening to yesterday's whine. I hope to not repeat that any time too soon. Till next time, Walk-On!

The Trail - April 2016

Pass me that bottle of whine

Just pass it and don't give me any lip.
I am tired.
I am tired of ALL this effort I put in to dropping a few pounds and nothing happens! I feel like this consumes my life. I hate it. I don't want to be defined by my weight loss battles.

But if I don't teach the yoga class one day a week.....
if I don't workout two mornings a week, with the trainer.....
if I stopped leading the weight loss support group.....
if I stopped worrying about every bit of food or drink I put into my mouth....

What then?
What then....?

Sixteen years ago, when I was in my mid 40's, I adopted a lifestyle that dropped weight off like crazy. Basically I ate once a day, Monday thru Friday. The weekends were my off days. I could eat whatever.  I lost 70 pounds. When I got pregnant and the doctor told me I could not keep up with this eating style, I gained it all back.

Two weeks ago, I decided to try that again. It is called "Intermittent Fasting". Monday thru Friday I have coffee in the morning, with half and half. I don't eat again until after 5pm. From 5pm to 9-ish, I have a good supper and maybe a few snack items. I try to keep things on the healthier side and keep good snack items like fruits and nuts around. I will admit though, that I had frozen yogurt and even a piece of cake one night. When food journaling I would have those items anyway, so it wasn't a big deal to me.

After the first week, nothing changed. In fact, I went up a bit. The middle of the second week I dropped five pounds. Today I was right back up again. WTF???*^%$%@&#^*%^* I am so dang fed up with this.

I even upped my walking. I've been very consistently getting 5000 or more steps a day. It doesn't sound like much to YOU, but to ME this was an improvement.

And today I gained weight. Damn scale.

What would I be doing if I weren't doing what I am doing? My guess is that I would gain a lot of weight. I do miss some other parts of my life though. My house used to be cleaner. I used to be an avid sewer/quilter. I used to draw and paint. I used to garden more. Why am I not doing these things? Why do I feel the healthy living lifestyle is so all encompassing?  Why does the healthy living lifestyle seem to be sucking the life right out of me?

I don't know.

I shall try to figure this out. Until then, don't give up, cuz I am not. Walk-on with me, cuz I am still walking too.

Ouch!!!

Abby was bonked on the head by a 2 by 4 this week!!! 

She's heard such things in her head before and when the third person pointed out that she wasn't walking like she used to, I think she may have finally gotten that message.  Funny how that works sometimes. We just don't listen!!!

Dexter is always ready to go for a walk. He is a very busy puppy and walking will tire him out for a few seconds. There are no excuses to not incorporate walking into your schedule too.

Don't forget to drink enough water, every day!

"PLAY WITH ME!"

Along with Abby and Dexter, I hope you will all, "Walk-On", too!

The future or the past?

My apologies for those who follow my blog...all two or three of you, but I just have not had much to share without repeating the same crap over and over again. Many other bloggers struggle with postings now and then. I feel I am in good company.

LIFE:
February has been a horrid month for me. I suffer from depression more often at this time of the year. It usually isn't acute enough to go to see the doctor. Way back when, years ago, when I realized what was happening I was amazed at how predictable this time of year could be! Anyway, knowing what is going on, does help get through this time of moodiness, but it still is a drag. 
I am doing pretty good this week. At least I feel like I am. I don't know what next week will bring. I read that if you are depressed, you are often living in the past. If you are anxious, you are often living in the future. If you are at peace, you are often living in the present. That future anxious thing is me in a nutshell! Oh how I go on with worry about the "what-ifs"!!!
Abby just hides behind her rose colored glasses. She pretends that everything is just hunky dory and that there is nothing wrong:

It would be better for her to face her fears than to ignore them until she drives herself and others around her, batty. Better isn't always the easy way to do things though. Abby and I will be fine. We ARE fine. Life goes on and so do we.

AROUND THE 'NET:
I read a great article the other day. It is from Coach Calorie. www.coachcalorie.com
I copied it here as it really is a very good read!

By: Tony Schober - Coach Calorie

Like most of you I've been through my cycles of weight loss and weight gain. Something would spark my motivation and I would be hyper focused for weeks at a time.
And then the drive would start to taper. That taper would lead to a few missed workouts or some off plan eating.
This would continue until losing weight was no longer my #1 priority any more. It looked something like this:

• Yeah, let's do this!

• It's working!

• This isn't so bad.

• I'm gonna look awesome come summer time.

• I'm hungry, but I'm doing great, so I can afford to eat that.

• I'm feeling too lazy to work out today. Missing one workout won't matter.

• Man, I haven't worked out in a week. I need to work out tomorrow.

• OK, it's been another week without a workout now.

• Ugh, my weight is starting to go back up from all that garbage I've been eating.

• I did all that work for nothing.

• Eh, what's the point. I should just be happy with who I am. It's wintertime anyways.

• I. Hate. My. Body.

Rinse and repeat - over and over and over again.
I see people going through those same cycles as I did. The thoughts might be slightly different, and the motivation to lose weight might come from a different place, but almost everyone goes through the following cycle:

 

Our ultimate goal is to take that initial motivation and extend it all the way until we reach our goal, which is forever, as there is no real destination - only a way of life. Our goal is to make motivation into a habit itself.

The Most Effective Weight Loss Motivation: I'm not going to throw out a bunch of gimmicky motivational tools in the hopes one of them sticks. Yes, pictures of fit people, pictures of overweight people, music, workout partners, swimsuit season, and fear of embarrassment are all potential motivation sparks. But they are short term sparks. They won't last forever.
Here's how you create forever-lasting motivation for weight loss...
You make every aspect of your weight loss program enjoyable. You love what you eat. You love how much you eat. You love your exercise. You love moving your body. You love the way it makes you feel. You love the way it makes others feel.
And this next part is what's most important - you don't care about what anyone else thinks about what you're doing. That means if you were the only other person in this world you would still do all the same things. You would still eat all the same things. You would still do all the same workouts.
The people who are always in shape LIVE for fitness. They are passionate about it. It is their life. It's what makes them happy and brings them pleasure - not the end result, but the simple act of doing.
They love the journey - not the destination. And when they think that way they receive the instant gratification that is necessary to always feel motivated.
You can have what you want today - right now in this very instant if you change the way you think about your weight loss.
There is no destination. The destination is forever, and the sooner you see that the sooner you can enjoy the NOW and find the energy and motivation to change.
Latch on to what makes you happy right now and go with it. Get excited about it. Look forward to it.
That new cycle will push you forward forever.
Have a healthy day!
Tony Schober
Founder - Coach Calorie

"Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right."

* * * * *

Isn't that a great article? I know it sure spoke to me. "There is NO destination-only a way of life!" Once we get to the weight we want, then what? Weight loss is a destination. We need to form a better way of life that incorporates the weight we lose. It IS a lifestyle, not an end.
I will leave you with all this reading, to contemplate on your own. Until next time, walk-on!

Figuring it out

This morning I was reading Roni's blog. She wrote something I can relate to:

"Since I sold the conference, blogging as a career is pretty much out for me and frankly I want it to be. I’m tired of the hustle. Finding sponsors is exhausting, running ads is annoying (and frankly pretty fruitless) and I’m over the constant pressure of  getting more readers — actually I’ve been over that for some time.  I, honestly, hate the “business of blogging,” always have. I just want to do what I do and share what I can without all the pressure of it having an income tied to it.

Now that I confessed that, I’m left with what?

Nothing.

Okay, that’s pretty dramatic. I have lots! I just feel lost. This motivated, energetic, goal-orientated mama is without a plan or direction and it’s really throwing me for a loop.

I’ll figure it out. I always do."

I have had these thoughts too! I am teaching yoga and working out and trying to walk more and drinking less. I have a strong possibility of an offer to teach yoga for money, but I am not sure I should make that commitment. And then what am I left with? Nothing.

I go to the weight loss support group and those folks help keep me going, but frankly I wonder why I bother sometimes. I have lost a pound or two or three and the following week, I've gained it right back.

I've made changes, one at a time, to try to figure out what might make the biggest difference in my weight. Strength training has not made the pounds drop off. Neither has walking more. The only changes noticed in drinking is that if I do not drink beer, I don't have a beer belly. The weight just stays stuck.

Roni says she will figure it out. I say that too. In the back of my mind though, there is a little voice that says, "but what if you don't this time?"

All I CAN do is something Roni introduced me to, a while back. "wycwyc". "What you can, when you can" and for now, that is enough.

In a brighter vein of thought, Dexter is still here. He is the most awesome pup! He is going for walks with me. He knows how to sit, wait, lay down, and is learning to "crawl" on his belly. He is so stinking cute!!! I am smitten.

Please have a wonderful holiday season. Enjoy and indulge a bit, exercise a bit, take some time for yourself. Do a kindness towards a stranger. And as always, walk-on!

Tis the Season

Abby and Dexter are decorating for the holidays. They don't want to 'hear' all the bad stuff in the world. For the next few days, they want to just enjoy the beauty of the season. That is why they are in the snow globe.

The addition of Dex in her life has meant that Abby is walking more steps than ever! Raising a puppy can be a challenge, but it sure has a LOT of rewards! Till next time, Walk-On!

Old and New

A year ago today, I had to make the very hard decision to put Ziva down. She and I had one last walk on the trail that day.

Today I took Dex for his first walk. It seemed quite fitting. Thank you Ziva, for all the miles. Thank you Dex for starting the new miles with me.

Walk On

Oh my, life can be ..... well it just can BE!

I had a most amazing Thanksgiving. All my kids were home for the holiday. I hadn't seen my oldest son in over three years! All of us hadn't been together for Thanksgiving in over ten years. It was a wonderful visit, and was way too short. But all was good and I am STILL basking in the memories of the day.

In other news, after driving myself and my family nutso regarding the search for a dog, I finally found one! As of this writing I am thinking of calling him Dexter, Dex for short.  He is an airedale and lab mix as far as we know.

Soon I should be walking the trails again, with my new companion.

Till next time, walk on my dears, walk on!

How did I miss October?

I had a birthday, shortly before Halloween. I bought a car for myself and I love it!
I am still teaching yoga classes and might be doing it for money next year.
I am still strength training, twice a week, with a trainer.
I have nine tabs open on my computer right now.
I am embracing the fact that I am obsessive and working on how to make that work FOR me, instead of AGAINST me.
I have not really gained or lost weight. I am still teaching others how to live a healthier life. I AM living a healthier life. Just because I am not at the weight I want to be at, doesn't mean I am a failure.

Abby is looking at all the local shelters in hopes of finding a new walking partner. Ziva left some big paws to be filled!

Till next time, walk-on!

Observations and Procrastinations

I need to start carrying a bag that has room for a food journal, a pocket notebook, pens and perhaps a drawing notebook. I read an article that, once again, said that keeping a food journal is the key to losing weight. I hate it. I don't like it. I don't want to do it. I also don't want to be at the weight I am at.

So I need to start keeping a food journal again. (sigh)

I also need a notebook to write down witty sayings when I think of them since I can't remember most any thought for more than a nanosecond or so, like when I am in the bathroom and note that we need shampoo and not remember to write it down on the grocery list in the kitchen as I pass through there 30 seconds later, to go to the laundry room where I note I need laundry soap and more pasta sauce because my pantry, which is in the laundry room, only has one jar of pasta sauce, so I go to write that on the grocery list back in the kitchen, saying to myself "I need to add three things" and will forget the third thing, which was the shampoo, as I let the dogs out because they are at my feet looking at me with their eyes all sad and stuff, saying "We are full of pee and if you don't let us out we will pee on the carpeting because you didn't let us out" and O-o-o-o . . . SHINY!!! Yes, my brain works this way.

We finally got a break from the oppressive heat of summer. The weather has been perfect for walking. I have not been able to bring myself to actually go walking out on the trails though. I am still really missing Ziva. I don't feel safe without her by my side.

I toyed with getting another dog but we have two aging cats and two little older dogs. I don't want to bring a new big one into the mix right now. Perhaps when the cats are gone, I can look at getting another dog. Or not. I need to find a place I can feel safe, while walking. I could use an indoor track but I am not an indoor loving person. When the weather is nice like this, I want to be out in nature. Nature also doesn't seem to be found while street walking either. (No, not THAT kind of street walking!!!)

I've been giving a LOT of thought to my life. I feel so unfocused.

I AM mostly fine. My trainer wonders sometimes though. It seems like there is always something happening to upend my life. My daughter moved in with us. The RV needed more work on a leak. My son has gotten busier at school. There have been events we've gone to, out of town. The latest tizzy came when a guy that my husband used to work with, contacted him. That one gave pause to daydreams about getting a job offer to move back to California and all the chaos that would go with that. It seems like I have something on my mind all the time. No wonder I can't sit still and just read or sew!

In other news, I decided to not drink for the month of September. I called it 'Sober September'. I thought I was being so clever. I did not know that that was a REAL thing!!! I lasted two weeks before I had ONE glass of wine when we went out to dinner this week. Other than that one glass, I haven't had a drop. When I got on the scale, I had gained a pound. WTF???? I am not going to use this as a reason to start drinking more though. I just do not need the empty calories. It sure would have been nice to have seen a little sign that alcohol had been contributing to some of my excess poundage. Oh well.

I don't know if it is perfection I am seeking or not. I have agonized over which direction to go in. What DO I want to be when I grow up? I dabble in artistic things like drawing and my Abby cartoons. I do a lot of quilting. I crochet too. Some people I know have said I should become a life coach or fitness trainer or yoga instructor. I am not degreed in any of those though. I've wondered about becoming a writer. What would I write about?  Not knowing which way to go has kept me going nowhere. "She's a real no-where ma'am" (sigh)

With all the chaos in my life, both big and little, I am feeling that something is in the air. The weather is getting ready to turn to fall. I am sure that has something to do with it. I hope that this feeling will develop into a direction to go in, even if it is only for a few months. I would like to have some new direction to go in. I want to like having that new direction. I want to find where the Yellow Brick Road went to so I can go off and see the Wizard. I want to be in Onederland again. (Johnny Depp is such a fox) humma, humma!
That is the latest.  Walk-On dear readers!

Bad Habits

It seems like this once-a-month thing (blog posting) is becoming a habit. But if it is only once a month, is that really a habit? I don't know. For now, I will just keep trying to post at least once a month, so you know I am still alive and kicking. Is that alright with you?

It is hard to write because I keep thinking you only want to hear about successes and not failures. Of course I don't actually HAVE failures....more like setbacks. This current setback has been going on for several years though. My how time flies!!! It is hard to remember that I HAVE kept OFF about 65 pounds for the past two years or so. I can't seem to give myself credit for that.

This past summer sure has been busy for me. It hasn't shown signs of slowing down just yet. We've taken the RV out twice now. The first time was back in July. We visited friends. Thank goodness they had outside electric outlets, because our generator wouldn't run! That meant we would not have air conditioning. It was in the high 90's, so AC really WAS a must-have item. Our friends let us plug in to their house though, so we managed. One of the nights we had a campfire. I was struck by the folks sitting around the fire:

Young and old were all overweight. Several were very overweight. One had a knee brace, several were smoking cigarettes, and several were drinking...a lot. Don't get me wrong, I like my alcohol too. I was just struck by how common all our bad habits are. I left the weekend with renewed resolve to clean up my act a bit more. I've been skating along a bit too much of late. I worry for our friends though.

Currently I am still teaching yoga, one day a week. I take a second yoga class on another day and do strength training twice a week. I am teaching a weight loss/healthy living support group class once a week too. I have started to come up with little mini-challenges for them to try. We've done a challenge where everyone picks something they can do to improve their meals. Another challenge was to pick two days to write down what we did every hour of the day for two 24 hour periods. It has been inspiring! We've started talking more about how to improve things in our lives. I was almost ready to close the group down and now we seem to have breathed life back into it. A support group really does help!

A simple thing I often struggle with is eating two sandwiches, or two hamburgers. I am hungry so I think I need two to make my tummy stop growling. I don't. But I will eat two, anyway! Why? I have eaten just one sandwich or burger and been very sated. Why does my brain fight me so much?

I can fix a yummy shell fish taco that has only 90 calories. Shoot, I could have several for what the sandwich or burger has in calories. I'd be bursting if I tried to eat that many fish tacos. I love the crunch too. Is this a common problem for us fluffy folk? Is that why we overeat? Are we so afraid of that feeling of hunger that we stuff ourselves, just in case there will never be food in our lives again? I wonder.

Something else I have noticed is how portion sizes really affect healthy eating habits. We think we know how big a serving is, but we really don't. Check out some of these comparisons:

Then there is the whole wine beer booze crap. In the morning it is a non issue. I can tell myself I won't have a drink that night. I can do that every single morning. At night my resolve fades. It has become a bad habit and probably not all that good for me. le Sigh. I have managed to cut back a lot this summer. I still enjoy one or two drinks before bedtime though. At least it isn't a whole bottle of wine every night...yes, it used to be that! As in all the changes I make to be healthier, it is baby steps that work best for me.

So ya, is anyone out there? Will Crabby stop by? She's such a love for stopping by and seeing me. I feel honored, every single time. If you don't comment, I don't know if anyone reads this anymore. If you comment anonymously, I can't email you back. DO know, I always really appreciate your comments. Even if you only said "Hi!", at least I would know someone was here.

Guess that is it for today, and probably for this month! Oh, ya...before I forget....walk on my dear readers, walk on.

Hello World!

Hello world! How are you? I am doing pretty good these days. Life has been very busy. Let me start with the RV and I will finish with how I am doing with my health and fitness stuff.

After almost three weeks at the shop, we finally got our RV back. We knew there had been a leak at one time. In the overhead cab area there is a bed. This is a picture of the front corner over the driver's side:

See the warping of the wallpaper? Now take a close look at the wood. (click on the photo for a closeup) It is rotted through. That is all from water damage. The previous owners said it didn't leak. I am not calling them liars. I think a lot of beginner RV-ers do not realize how easy it is for an RV to develop a leak OR how much damage can come from a very small leak.

Here is another shot of that same corner. You can see the discoloring on the carpeted wall above the wood. You can also see more of the rotting on that wood.

Look what was underneath, hidden from view:

That brown is the board/support underneath the bed cushions. Here is more of that board, exposed:

Here is what it looked like across the front, inside that wood trim that was rotten:

The carpeted part had acted as a wick to send water all along the front of the cabover.

On the passenger side of the cabover, it looked like this:

See any damage? Nope. However, when the white part was removed and the wood trim taken off, it looked like this:

Below is a picture of the white cubby, opened up. We had all the white part removed. This was a shallow cubby and we are going to use the area in a different way.

We knew we'd have to deal with this and figured it in to the cost of owning an RV. When all the systems were checked out and repairs were made we ended up with a bill of $3100. $2500 was for labor costs alone! Ouch. However, we now have a leak free RV and all systems are a go. Now we need to find some time to actually GO camping! hahahaha

In other news, I did something I said I would NEVER do! I gave up creamer in my coffee. Roni, from Roni's Way blog says to do wycwyc. (What You Can, When You Can). Since I haven't been able to motivate myself to make any other changes, I decided that just perhaps I could make this small change. I have been creamer-free for over a week now. I was using half and half to the tune of 100-150 calories per day. It isn't much but it IS something I CAN do!

I am still teaching yoga and going to another yoga class, and working out twice a week with the trainer. I need to walk more. My knee is in pretty bad shape though, and walking hurts. There isn't much I can do about it either. It isn't bad enough to be operated on and any shots only last a few months. I currently am looking for a swimsuit. I am headed back to the pool so I can workout without putting weight on that bad knee.

That is all the latest. It isn't much these days, but for my few followers, I wanted to check in with you to let you know I am still out here. Thanks for reading!

Till next time, walk-on!

Trailer Tails

Here is my son, myself, and my husband when we picked up the new RV:

We are trying to decide if we will cut down one tree to make a carport for the new rig. This is our backyard with the RV in it. The carport would be put behind where the RV is in this photo:

We are such tree-huggers though, that we haven't been able to decide if we could really do this! The location is the only location we can use too. We will have to give it all more thought.

For now the rig is in the shop. We are having it thoroughly gone through and having a repair made. See the middle there? That is rotten wood from having been water damaged. We knew it was there when we bought it. We hope the repair will be done well and to our satisfaction. We are skeptical about it though.

This is located in the overhead bed area, above the driver's side. It is a common place for Class C's to leak. I think I have found a leak in this general area in about 99% of the used RV's I've looked at!

Last weekend we went to Albuquerque, NM and back. It was a rush trip to take care of a family member. While on the road we were stopped to gas up when I saw this trailer across the way from us:

Cute rig! Then I took note of the towing vehicle. It seems a little small, don't you think? The tow vehicle is a Pontiac Torrent, which is an SUV. It has a towing capacity of 3500 pounds.  The trailer weighs about 2600 pounds, empty.  So yes, this should be a workable combination.

It has a maximum loaded weight that is over 3700 pounds. If they load all the water, propane, supplies, etc, they could take it over 3500 quite easily. This is a common problem for folks. The towing vehicle is over estimated and the trailer is under estimated.

In other news, I am back to teaching yoga again and loving it! I am also still working with my trainer. He's turned out to be a pretty good guy. I've almost quit, twice, and he talked me out of it. Sure, he has ulterior motives, but he's not making a living off what I pay him. He is doing it because he actually seems to care. Whether he does or doesn't, he makes it seem like he does. For now, I can deal with that.
That's it for today. Hope you are all having a very fine day!
Walk-on!

Adding a little more to my blog

As a part of living a healthier life, and growing older more gracefully, I have decided to try my hand at learning how to camp with an RV. We owned an RV for almost ten years before we had to sell it as we could not get out to camp or go to events like we used to. It was sitting in the backyard like a huge monolithic yard art piece!

1995 Jamboree Searcher

Our old RV had served us well. We even lived in it for six weeks when we relocated from California to Arkansas during the recession. My husband, myself, our (then) seven year old son, a German Shepherd, two rat terriers, and three cats lived in a 24' Class C RV at a local KOA campground. It is amazing that we all survived! That RV was truly our home for a while.

Fast forward four and a half years and we are recovering pretty well from the recession. We miss our RV and thought perhaps we could find another one! We looked for well over a year for another RV though. Many were water damaged. Some just had a horrible layout for our style of camping. I traveled to nearby towns and searched the internet every day for months on end with no luck.

It was frustrating to try to work with local dealerships because they seemed to loose interest in us when we said we didn't want to buy new. If they DID remain interested, they would not listen to us. Here is an example of a recent exchange this spring with a salesman who was helping us:
**************************************
From: Derek
To: WalkerLady
Subject: Class C Motorhome
Hey there, I’ve been waiting for a piece of inventory that would fit your needs and its finally here if your still on the market!
I just had a 2006 traded into us! This unit is 29 foot and has two slides in the living area. (blah blah blah I am editing out a bunch of verbiage here)
I’m sure this unit is going to go fast so if this sounds like something you’d consider please let me know!!
Look forward to hearing back,
Derek.
***
From: WalkerLady
To: Derek
Subject: Class C Motorhome
Thank you for keeping us in mind.
We told you that we absolutely do not want slides though.
Please take us off your list.
***
From: Derek
To: WalkerLady
Subject: Class C Motorhome
Dang, I thought I found you one! I will definitely keep you on my list!
Let me know if you need anything!
Derek!
****************************************
Sorry Derek, even if we hadn't found an RV already, we would not deal with you since you are not really listening to us anyway.

And yes, we did, finally, find a new RV. We just brought her home last weekend. She needs some fixing up, but we are confident that she will be a good fit for us and provide us with many years of adventure.

2005 Jamboree

I never drove our other RV. I have never done the setup routine when we went camping. I have a LOT to learn! I hope you enjoy this additional thread in my blog. It really is related to healthier living for me. I hope that this gets me out and about more. I hope that I go camping and while at a state park, I also go walking more. We will see, won't we?

Until next time, walk-on y'all!

PushmePullme

Just another quickie for you all. I am doing alright. Actually today I am doing better. I am still doing strength training, two days a week. Abby has decided to join me:

I have been exhausted lately. I am in great spirits though! There is a lot going on in my life and I find it hard to find time to breath. Guess that means I am getting my cardio, right? Anyway, I think Abby and I will be back in full swing soon. I really do!

Till then, walk-on y'all!

All is Not Lost

I'm still here! I just don't have much to talk about these days. I am currently doing yoga twice a week and two workouts a week with a trainer. I am not doing much else in the way of exercising. I want to kick myself in the butt for being such a slacker!
I recently had to admit that I needed to re-size my wedding ring. I had gone from a size nine to a seven when I lost the hundred pounds. The ring was cutting into my finger since I've gained back so much. I was surprised when we only had to go up one ring size though! There is still hope! hahahaha
I am not much of an inspiration these days. I am taking one day at a time and hoping my mojo comes back.
OTHER than the weight crap, my life has been pretty good. I've been off my meds for three months now, maybe longer? And I am feeling fine. No depression, no anxiety attacks, no gut wrenching emotional crap at all. That feels pretty good!
So that's all I have to say right now. Sorry for the lame posting, but I hoped some of  you might have wondered about me. I am narcissistic that way. Hang in there! I still am. I have not given up, nor am I losing any more diamonds. I am just having a hard time finding the ones I lost! But I will find them, eventually. I will. I will. I will...

(and I can't say walk-on, because I am not walking!)

Let's Go Diamond Hunting

It's come to my attention that some people do not know what the heck I am talking about, regarding Abby losing her diamonds. I worry that I have told the story so many times that folks will be bored, hearing about it again! Just in case though, here is the story again:

We have a state park in Arkansas that you can go to and hunt for real diamonds. There have been some huge ones found as well as lots of smaller ones. I like to use the analogy of going to that state park for a vacation. You go out every day and hunt for diamonds. Each little gem you find, you put into your bucket. You hope for those big diamonds too. On the last day of vacation you go out and don't find any diamonds at all. In anger, you toss the ones you had gotten before. You are so disgusted that you couldn't get that last big find on your last day of vacation. To heck with it all!!!

Now that is just silly, right? Wouldn't you keep all the diamonds you found?  Of course you would and you'd be happy you had found them and might make money from the sale of those small sparklers.

Yet how often do we start losing weight and when we hit a bump in the road, we say we should just quit. Nothing will work. Why keep trying? It doesn't matter. Oh forget it!  

We need to give ourselves credit for every pound lost, big or small, in a week or a month or a year. 
We need to give ourselves credit for every healthier choice we make. 
We need to give ourselves credit for every time we say "No, I won't quit." 
We need to give ourselves credit for every step we take to add any type of exercise into our lives. Often we forget those little earlier diamonds of success. We forget the diamonds we already found. We do not give ourselves credit for the small things.

This is why Abby has to find her diamonds. She's lost a few and is flailing around, losing a few more. She has to remember that she has LOST weight. She has to remember that she  hasn't smoked in over a year. She has to remember that she is still hanging in there and trying to find her diamonds again. 

I think she will find them. Heck, the sun has been out recently, so they are out there, sparkling away and waiting to be plucked up again.

Don't toss your little diamonds just because you didn't find the big one today. Hang on to the ones you have,  big and little. You are worth as much, and more, than diamonds.

I think Abby will find her diamonds that she misplaced. They are not lost, just misplaced. Why not come along and find some diamonds of your own!

Walk-on dear readers, walk on

Ouch

Good day to all. Abby has returned for a quick visit. She is still hurting over the loss of her dog, Ziva, but she is still here.

Abby has been struggling as much as I have. We both don't believe in ourselves these days. We're working on that.

We saw a trainer Wednesday. It was SO hard to do! I did NOT want to go and exercise that day. It did not help that the night before was St. Patrick's Day.

The trainer is an ok fella, but Abby and I are both fighting the commitment to get back into strength training. The trainer, I will call Mike, did alright with me. I still am not feeling the love of working with him, but he is ok. He is fighting against MY perfectionism issues. I don't like it when he says how HE got all this weight off all these clients. I am sure he doesn't realize that he comes across as not giving his clients any credit. I have scheduled two more sessions for next week.

Today I am SORE! If you don't know why I used the picture below, you don't know just how sore I am!

It is a start. It is all I can do right now. It is something though...and that counts!

Till next time, walk on...and find those diamonds you dropped!

New Roads Ahead

I have a lot of homework to do. Next week I will make an appointment with the Social Security office to find out what my options are. I have a complicated life situation and don't know how much money to expect when I can actually start getting Social Security. It could make a huge difference in our outlook for the future. Since I am a chronic worrier, this might alleviate some of my concerns.


I have begun hunting for my RV. We want a Class C that we can travel in and live in for extended periods of time. Since we sold our last one, we've regretted it. Shopping for a new one has been hard. There are not many around and those that are, are in sad shape, even newer ones! We won't settle for just any old rig. Thank goodness we had a lot of experiences with living and traveling in our old RV though. We really know what we want. Maybe that is why this will take a long time.

I have begun hunting for the toad too. What is a toad? Well actually it is a slang term for a vehicle that get towed behind your RV. Since our 2001 minivan needs to be replaced anyway, why not look at a vehicle that can become our tow vehicle? Since our plans are to be debt free in five years or less, now is the time to buy these things that will take time to pay off.

Wednesday I meet with the trainer. I am dubious about it...not trusting that this will be a match, but I am at least going to meet him and do a courtesy workout before committing to a long term deal. In the mean time, I have kept up my Monday/Friday workouts after yoga. I hope I am doing some good there.

That is it for now. Hope you are all happy out there and that the weather is getting better for you!
Until next time, walk-on!

Checking, Chicken, Chucking,

I'm a rabbit not a chicken

Checking: Yes, I am still here! I've been pondering a lot. I've also been snowed in a lot. I hear I am in fine company there! This week, we are finally getting back to, what passes for, normal here. I DID see a trainer and joined the community center. I did it! I have an appointment, next week, to workout for the first time with this new-to-me trainer. I am dubious, but I AM going to give this a try.

Chicken: I am chickening out. Well, that isn't really true. I am questioning everything and I am having trouble believing in myself. I doubt I can get back on a better track. I fear I am going to gain all the weight back. I haven't been able to get a handle on any of this. But...I am NOT giving up.

Chucking: I have been fervently working on sorting and purging the house. I have my studio 99% done. I have sold or donated a huge amount of stuff. It feels so freeing. Since the first of the year we've painted and carpeted two rooms. Both of those rooms have been emptied and purged as well. I like my house a lot more now!

Off the beaten path: I am toying with the idea of taking steps towards our future retirement. I might bore you with some of the details. Right now I am hunting for information on a specific RV and all the details I need to know before getting one. I blame a blogger called RV Sue. I love reading her blog! She's of my generation and travels the countryside with her two dogs. I want to do this too!

That is all the latest. Spring is coming. Really, it is!

Walk-on