Pass me that bottle of whine

Just pass it and don't give me any lip.
I am tired.
I am tired of ALL this effort I put in to dropping a few pounds and nothing happens! I feel like this consumes my life. I hate it. I don't want to be defined by my weight loss battles.

But if I don't teach the yoga class one day a week.....
if I don't workout two mornings a week, with the trainer.....
if I stopped leading the weight loss support group.....
if I stopped worrying about every bit of food or drink I put into my mouth....

What then?
What then....?

Sixteen years ago, when I was in my mid 40's, I adopted a lifestyle that dropped weight off like crazy. Basically I ate once a day, Monday thru Friday. The weekends were my off days. I could eat whatever.  I lost 70 pounds. When I got pregnant and the doctor told me I could not keep up with this eating style, I gained it all back.

Two weeks ago, I decided to try that again. It is called "Intermittent Fasting". Monday thru Friday I have coffee in the morning, with half and half. I don't eat again until after 5pm. From 5pm to 9-ish, I have a good supper and maybe a few snack items. I try to keep things on the healthier side and keep good snack items like fruits and nuts around. I will admit though, that I had frozen yogurt and even a piece of cake one night. When food journaling I would have those items anyway, so it wasn't a big deal to me.

After the first week, nothing changed. In fact, I went up a bit. The middle of the second week I dropped five pounds. Today I was right back up again. WTF???*^%$%@&#^*%^* I am so dang fed up with this.

I even upped my walking. I've been very consistently getting 5000 or more steps a day. It doesn't sound like much to YOU, but to ME this was an improvement.

And today I gained weight. Damn scale.

What would I be doing if I weren't doing what I am doing? My guess is that I would gain a lot of weight. I do miss some other parts of my life though. My house used to be cleaner. I used to be an avid sewer/quilter. I used to draw and paint. I used to garden more. Why am I not doing these things? Why do I feel the healthy living lifestyle is so all encompassing?  Why does the healthy living lifestyle seem to be sucking the life right out of me?

I don't know.

I shall try to figure this out. Until then, don't give up, cuz I am not. Walk-on with me, cuz I am still walking too.