It Only Hurts if I (don't) Smile

I thought we could all use a little humor today.

The heat is really becoming a challenge for me. I am not getting my walks in like I want to and I think I am suffering withdrawal symptoms! I miss my trail! However, I don't think I can enjoy the trail when it is a stifling 80° out at 6:30 in the morning with no breeze!
I know the scale will show a gain today, so I am going to wear my blue jeans and eat breakfast before I go to help justify the gain. Yes, I know, this makes no sense in the whole scheme of things!
I am doing ok. Despite being a bit stressed out about the weight and weather, I am doing ok. (no smokes yet either, though I have come really close to them!)
Till next time y'all, see ya on the flip(flop) side!

How Much Does it Cost to Ride the Roller Coaster?

Fifty cents? Two-fiddy? How much does it cost to NOT have to ride the roller coaster? I have no clue. I would like to know though. So last Saturday I had lost a few pounds. I thought to myself, "Self...could it be true that you are losing weight again?" Self was afraid to answer because of what the gremlin in my head was saying..."Don't get your hopes up, it will all come back next week."

Sigh...it didn't even take a week. Up three pounds today, since Saturday. I am actually surprised that I am not more depressed about this. Oh, and I have been thinking I should pick up a cigarette too. Have I? No, of course not! (but I have thought about it) I think I am safe from the evils of smokes though. I am a stronger person. Every time I feel weak, I recall how far I have come. Every time I feel down, I think how much I actually love being able to get out and walk the trails. ANY time I think negative thoughts, I still keep on track, keep living my life as the thinner person I have become, and I do not give up. I won't. I cannot go back to that fat woman I used to be!!!!!

Just today I was looking at the first food journal I used when I started this journey. My first ever goal was 275 pounds. Did I ever really weigh that much? yes Will I ever weigh that much again? NO

I don't care how hot it is tomorrow...I am going for a walk! I DARE you to join me.
See ya next time.....

Sort of a Ranting and Raving Moment or Three

I was listening to a podcast/video today that is based on bariatric surgeries...like stomach stapling and other related weight loss surgeries. These podcasts are sponsored by a line of protein powders, vitamins, and supplements for those who've had these surgeries. I was aghast at first. This stuff is expensive! I was then mildly angry. You want to know more about a surgery and they are touting their supplements? Now I am just disgusted. Commercialism...bah, humbug!

I have had bariatric surgery.
It was 30 years ago. I guess I was one of the lucky ones in that I have had no major issues as I've lived my life with it. I never had to take special protein supplements. I have not had to take B-12 injections on a regular basis...I did while pregnant, but I probably didn't have to. The only metabolic thing I know of is that I do run a bit on the anemic side and that might be due to my altered innards. I sometimes, though rarely now, have had a few episodes of what they call dumping or foods getting stuck and causing me to throw-up. I would say this happens just a few times a year. (kinda gross, I know, but it is a fact of life for me) Anyway, it just irks the hell out of me that bariatric surgery recipients have all this commercialism invading their lives. It is a major surgery and though it probably saves lives, it is life altering and no picnic. I would not recommend it nor would I have it again if I knew then, what I know now. I feel like they/we are being exploited. Exploited...this crazy weight issue is all about exploitation. And I do not like it, not one little bit.

All of us who are struggling with weight issues are in danger of being exploited. Like the food manufacturers who make fake foods that are irresistible, all the programs, and pills, and books, and fads are all in it for the money and seem to all be out there to exploit the "Fluffy" and take their money. It is big business and we all buy into it...even me!

Currently I'm also listening to a series that is debunking the Paleo diet that is all the rage these days.
So far, the vegetarian who is speaking, is saying the Paleo diet isn't anything more than a low carb diet fad. I tend to agree. Most new-latest-greatest-end all-be all-popular diets of the month are fads. That's my opinion anyway. Oh they talk a good talk! And it is true, they often do work for a while. Many of them fail eventually. Many of them may not fail.... but the sacrifices made by those who have stayed on them, seem to be awful painful to me. I like just living a normal life. It is getting more and more normal too!

And another thing; lately there is a huge amount of sugar talk out there. This isn't like sweet pillow talk you do with your partner, but is the talk of the evils of sugar. Granted, we don't need sugar to survive, but it does taste pretty good, doesn't it? And just like the Paleo diet, those that are trash talking sugar have very good arguments.
Don't get me wrong here...I do believe we all probably consume too much sugar. One of the predominant theories regarding sugar is that back in the 1970's Congress addressed the growing middle of the average American and would choose between fat or sugar as the major cause of rising obesity. Fat was chosen because the sugar growers had more activists and lobbyists on their side.

Fat became the enemy. But as fat was cut, Americans continued to grow fatter. The sugar theorists say it is because sugar was the real culprit all along. They point to the rising use of sugar in foods coinciding with the rising blubber on the population. They have pictures and graphs and all kinds of reasons why they are right and the fat busters are wrong.

It has gotten so bad that the mayor of New York wants to pass a law that will fine any place that sells a glass of soda larger than 16 ounces. The fine suggested is $200. At the same time New York is thinking about another new law that would fine you for possessing an ounce of weed. That fine would be $100...just sayin'. (The photo isn't the mayor but is Jon Stewart with a glass of soda and a glass of about an ounce of weed)
I have watched article after article come out about the evil sugar. I have seen several different TV shows and specials on the same topic. Books that were written in the past about getting sugar out of your diet are coming around again in popularity.
I won't be surprised if we don't see a huge shift in food manufacturers touting low sugar, no sugar, no high fructose corn syrup foods. My guess is the 'natural' sweeteners like Stevia and the artificial sweeteners will fill the need for sweetness in our manufactured, fake foods. Or perhaps a new chemical alternative will be found as the next best thing to sugar.

This all sounds good, right? Of course it does! Let me back up a second...back to the Paleo diet. Even before I figured out that it was basically a low-carb type diet, I had issues with it. They say that our ancestors didn't eat seeds and beans and ate a lot of meat. I didn't buy into that at all. How could they have not eaten seeds? Or beans? Back to sugar...what else happened since the 1970's?

Come on, you know the answer to this...it is the tellie! You know...TV, TV and video games. TV, video games, and computers. TV, video games, computers, drive-thru liquor stores. (Ok, drive-thru fast food joints...but I have always thought that a drive-through liquor store was kind of a weird thing and somewhat hypocritical-drinking and driving is bad but a drive-thru liquor store isn't?) All these and more keep us sitting in our vehicles when we are out and sitting in our homes when we are home. Even our children do not get sent out to 'go play till suppertime' anymore. Many wouldn't know what to do with themselves away from their technologies of choice.

So who's to say if fat is bad or not so bad? Or if sugar is the main culprit in our growing obesity issue? Or is it just we've grown lazy? I actually feel justified in saying it comes back around to the adage to live like the thin person you want to be! And as Michael Pollan says, “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” That is pretty good advice.

Now, since it is still hot AND it is officially summer....
go for a swim!

The Three R's

Now I am not talking about readin', writin', and arithmetic, here. (I wonder why the three R's only have one word that starts with the letter R?)

I am also not talking like a pirate today. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!


What I AM talking about is:

• Revelation
• Rebellion/Revolution
• Resolution

(YES, I know there are technically FOUR words there but I couldn't make up my mind which three I wanted to use for sure...deal with it!)
At the beginning of Yoga class today, those words came to mind. I have been through all of them to get where I am today.

REVELATION: It was quite a revelation that I COULD lose weight, and over 100 pounds at that! I never believed I could do it without some drastic gimmick doing all the work for me, and a magic wand being waved, and a voodoo doctor doing the Witch Doctor dance on my head! It was quite a revelation that eating sensibly and exercising modestly could make such a huge change in my life, my body, and my mind!

REBELLION: I keep dealing with that little gremlin and that little child inside me, throwing temper tantrums now and again. If my spouse or child has ice cream for dessert or they get donuts on Sunday morning, I sometimes do feel cheated...or feel like cheating! I used to use those feelings as excuses to give up. At those times however, I was on a calorie restrictive diet program. As I have said, programs don't work for the long haul. You HAVE to change your lifestyle!
I have also felt rebellious as my weight has stopped changing. It has been ten weeks now, that I have gained and lost and gained and lost and gained and lost and gained the same four pounds. It has been depressing at times. I have been tempted to pick up the cigarettes at times. (I haven't) I have looked over my way of eating and exercising again and again and again! I am doing everything the right way for me. I do not know why my metabolism recalibration hasn't re-calibrated yet, or if it will recalibrate!

RESOLUTION: In talking over things with my spouse, I realize I am not willing to change anything in my exercise program or eat in any way more drastic than I am. I AM willing to eat like I have been and to exercise as I have been. I am becoming resolved that this might be where I will be for now and maybe for years. And I am becoming more resolved that, this would be ok, if it is to be. I have lost over 100 pounds. As long as I stay here in the 180's, I can be very happy with this. So, I am resolved to learn to enjoy life as I have been, exercise and enjoy that, as I have been, and to eat healthy, as I have been. Life is good. Life is a LOT better than it was just a few short months ago...18, if you want to be more exact.

So...let's see what happens next, ok? Oh, and it is too hot to walk...I will be at the local pool every day this week! Come splash with me? :)

I WANNA BE FAT!!!

I am so tired of all this stuff! The scale doesn't move in the right direction. I hate not being able to resist those cookies I stupidly made because I couldn't bear to throw out those year old butterscotch chips in the freezer. I am such a fake because I never hardly ever sit at the table to eat my meals. I eat with the computer or TV as company. I wanna be FAT!!!

No, no, no, not that type of fat!!!

FAT:

Like this! You know...F.A.T.!

F=FIT
A=AND
T=TRIM

What were YOU thinking?
That I had lost my marbles?
(or diamonds?)
See you next time!
Now, GO FOR A WALK!!!

Quiet Please

I feel like I have been a bit too quiet. I recall (I think from Russ and Jeff of Fat 2 Fit fame) once hearing them say that a blog they were following had a guy who was quite successful at losing weight. Then he stopped posting. Sure enough, they found out that he had started gaining weight again and was no longer living a healthy lifestyle. He was too ashamed to continue. I have felt the same way. I admit, it is much harder to write when one isn't as successful as one has been in the past. Who wants to hear about failures? Or whining? And isn't it boring if there aren't any changes happening?

If it is boring to read of such things, then prepare yourself to be bored (or just skip reading this blog right now). In no particular order, here is what has been going on: Summer break has been going on for two weeks now. I am still not in a regular groove of exercises. My 11 year old son and I have gone to Yoga together. (He tolerated it) We also tried Zumba. (We both hated it) Yesterday we paid the dues for the summer of swimming at the local community pool. I am still doing two days of Yoga on my own and trying to get a walk in when the weather isn't too oppressive. However, the weather HAS been tricky! It has been sticky and humid early in the mornings. I go for a walk and am drenched with sweat by the time I get home. I also do not stop and shop after Yoga class like I used to. I would often spend an hour or more shopping for a bargain at the local thrift shop. SO, what this all means is I don't feel like I am exercising hard enough!

I have been saying to myself, "Self, you really should do more resistance work to build up those muscles." I am hoping that the increased time in the pool will do just that. If this summer's pool time proves to be a muscle building thing, I will have to get back into the pool at the center this fall and winter!

In other concerns...I have not lost any weight since the end of April. In fact, I have gained a few pounds. I have been going up and down and up and down and up again, a pound or two at a time. Now true, I WAS smoking in April and that probably contributed to my weight loss then. I have since quit and have been smoke-free for well over a month now. I looked at my caloric intake and I am right on track there. What has changed? My wonderful husband and best friend and I talked about it a bit today. (my husband and best friend are one in the same, in case you didn't know)

Let me back up a step...I have also been listening to several podcasts and TV programs that are currently talking about sugar and carbs being so bad. Like the fat craze that started in the 70's, now the sugar craze is trying to take hold.

I thought perhaps I should be eating fewer carbs to keep losing weight. I have 30-40 more pounds that I would LIKE to lose. I also do not want to change much more in the type of lifestyle I am now leading. I would maybe consider changing up the carb thing and cutting back on sugar, but all throughout this 'adventure' I said I would do what I felt I could do the rest of my life. I do NOT want to exercise two hours a day till I drop. The foods I eat are pretty good. I like eating healthier. But was I, am I, missing something here? Do I go the way of eating like the caveman, or the Paleo diet folks, or the Vegans, or the Vegetarians? That isn't me. I am omnivore. I like being omnivorey. (that isn't a real word though) I am a real person. I enjoy all kinds of foods. I like trying new ones. I have NO issue giving up or severely limiting fast foods, processed foods, or fake foods. The closer I get to a food's origins, the better it tastes to me. That is the example I want to set for my child too. I want him to know what real food tastes like. I want him to be as miffed with processed foods as I am. I want him to not have the weight problems I've had.

Ok, back to talking about my husband's and my thoughts on why I've stalled out on the weight loss thing. What has changed besides exercising? And truly, the weight losing stalled out long before the exercise changes. What AM I doing different now? Ok, I have not been eating my oatmeal/yogurt/banana breakfasts, six to seven mornings a week. In fact, I haven't eaten breakfasts until several hours after waking up. I need to eat breakfasts again...early again. You might want to ask me why I had quit. I got it into my head that I wouldn't make it until the next meal to eat and would starve and then binge. I feared that I would lose control and eat too much...too many calories....I feared losing control. I need to conquer that fear again.

What else has changed? Well, I am not eating as much yogurt as I was and I am eating 2% low fat yogurt instead of 0% fat yogurt. Should I go back to the lower calories? I am not sure about that. Let me think on it some before deciding.

Anything else? Well, there has been a bit of chocolate consumed at bedtime. Yes, I have had one of those miniature candy bars around bedtime for a chocolate hit. It is only 40 calories and I had calories to spare, but could that have stalled out the weight loss?

We couldn't come up with any other concrete changes. I guess I will see what happens if I just start eating breakfast again. Damn the carbs, full steam(ed oatmeal) ahead!

Success

The trouble with success is that you're always waiting to be found out. When you're successful you sometimes feel like a fraud. Why is it hard to accept success? Why are we afraid that we will find out it isn't real and have it all taken away from us? The world conspires to take away the things your success has brought to you. Really? Why do we think that?

If you make mistakes, at least you are trying. If you make mistakes, you often learn from them and never do that again. Or if you make a mistake you might all of a sudden see things in different lights.

Never give up. Keep on trying. The alternative is........................................ ?

Don't settle for poor quality...

I seem to be hovering around the mid to upper 180’s in weight. I am not consistent on my eating…some days too little, some days, too much. Still all says I should be losing. Everything I have read says I should not weigh this much. Is this where I will end up at? WHAT should I truly strive to weigh? I can search until my fingers are raw, and keep finding different numbers. Numbers, numbers, numbers...it's all about the numbers, isn't it? I know, it shouldn't be. I know...I know, I know, I know!!! But, it really IS all about the numbers. Someday, I will give up on the numbers game...but not yet.
I've been watching the videos from UCTV titled "The Skinny on Obesity" as well as HBO's series "Weight of a Nation". They are very interesting. There are lots of tidbits of information and helpful tips on how to lose weight or fight the weight battles.

Today I saw a segment on mindful eating that had a man and woman sitting down at their table, about to eat a brownie. They closed their eyes in a sort of meditation for a full two minutes before taking their first bite. Now the message I think you were supposed to take away from this was to slow down and really think about what you are eating, before you even take that first bite. It is a common trick or suggestion that is given to help those who eat too fast or eat mindLESSly, to slow down. I have seen it, heard it, or read it several times in more than one place by many more than on person.

This time, however, I took something else away from the main message of mindful eating. My thoughts were not how the brownie would taste, but the memories that I associated with just having a brownie available to eat. I didn't think of the pleasure of the actual tastes from eating a chocolate brownie but in the specialness of a just having a brownie. It was a special treat. It was something that you'd be really lucky to have. It was important. I associated it with Mom. I associated it with the smells of brownies baking in the oven. I was associating it with memories, more so than the goodness of the taste.
THIS got me to thinking about how disappointed I have been in the past when I have indulged in a brownie, only to have it taste wrong. It was too dry. It tasted of chemicals. It was too raw. It was hard as a rock. It had too many nuts. It needed to have nuts to taste right. It had crappy frosting on it. There wasn't ice cream to have with it. You know what I mean! (And yes, we eat the bad brownies anyway, now don't we?)

What's all this got to do with today's posting? Let me tell you!
Number one, eat mindfully.
Number two, don't eat something that isn't the best quality you can get. If you are counting your calories let your calories count! Not only are WE worth the time it takes to learn how to live a healthy and long life, but WE are worth quality. We are worth quality, especially when we are watching quantity!

Come on now...let's go for a walk! (A quality one!)

I AM SO MAD!!!

What? What happened to Walker Lady??? Why is she so angry??? Well, there are several reasons all rambling around in my brain tonight. I am tired of having to learn all I am learning about foods and ingredients and why things are done to the foods we eat, and MORE.

I should be able to just go out and get safe, healthy foods that are convenient and easy to fix, but I can't. At first I had to look for total calories and per serving sizes. Do you know that one of those little bags of nuts at the checkout counter often has TWO or MORE servings in them?

Then I had to figure out the fatty ingredients. Were they good fats or bad fats? Which fats ARE the bad fats? I forgot. How much is too much fat? And if the fats were low, what was added to make the food taste right?

Now there is a new movement afoot, that is attacking sugars. They are saying all forms of added sugars are responsible for many things such as obesity, cancer, type 2 diabetes, and more. The evidence is piling up in their favor....according to THEIR studies, of course.

When the battle started against fats, the evidence those people had was compelling too. So who the heck do we believe? What do we do now?

I am tired of the food industry skewing the ingredients and the ingredient lists so I feel like I need a degree in nutrition to understand what they are really doing to what they call, food.

I am tired of thinking our government officials are in cahoots with the food industries. Was the reason fats became the enemy of the 70's because they didn't have lobbyists like the sugar growers did? The sugar growers had a lot to lose and I am sure they talked to their congressmen and representatives about this. It makes sense that, that would have happened.

I am so tired of the newest - latest - greatest - best - all being - things that come out over and over again, seemingly changing directions with the wind. Is fat the culprit? Is it sugar? Is coffee good or bad? Is soy good or bad? Should I cut carbs? Should I cut fats? Should I eat more protein? Should I eat a raw diet? Will non-organic foods flood my system with pesticides and growth hormones? Should I eat like a caveman...er...cavewoman?
If I follow this person's guidelines, will I later find out they were just out to make a buck at the expense of the fat amongst us? If I follow that person's guidelines, will I later find out they were in the process of writing a book and needed more publicity?

What's better what's worse?????????????????????????

I gotta know! People are starting to follow my lead. They believe in ME! I don't want to be led astray, and more so, I don't want to lead others down the wrong path.

So yes, Walker Lady is mad.
(not loony though) She only wants to eat healthy and enjoy life. Is that so much to ask?

I think I will go for a walk now. Join me? Last I heard, walking was still a good thing. Of course I don't know if the currently recommended number of minutes is supposed to be 10, 20, 30, 60, or if walking actually made no difference any more. I don't care. I LIKE it! And THAT is what counts.

It's a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts!

100 pounds of fat looks somewhat like this:

Maybe this photo is where my 100 pounds went off to? I don't plan to have them come back for a visit!
I never would have thought I would be able to say, "I only have 37 pounds to lose to reach my goal." And though I have seen those numbers at the top of my blog, it just didn't sink in until recently that I ONLY have 37 pounds to lose to reach 150 pounds. I really do not think I will get to that goal, but I DO think I will be somewhere between 150 and 170 when my metabolism, food intake, and life all converge in the same space at the same time. I am only 37 pounds away from 150 pounds. Really? Amazing! I wonder how close I will be?
The photo below shows five women who all weigh 150 pounds. Isn't is interesting to see how different they all are?
Just a quick check-in, check-up here...I am down a pound from last week. Yes, I know, this is not my normal weigh-in day, but I do usually weigh myself after Yoga class on Wednesdays. I just like knowing which way things are going! I have remained cigarette free too. (Yeah me!) I also dealt with a stressful happening without lighting up, without excessive eating, and without skipping my exercise routines. This is a big deal for me, as I do tend to get stressed out about all kinds of stuff and it used to really throw me for a tailspin. This new woman that I keep seeing in the hall mirror is really something else! I like her!

So what does my posting have to do with coconuts, you ask? Well, I will tell you! I have discovered a new obsession in foods. The So Delicious line of milk free products, (their ice cream and coffee creamers, in particular) are pretty tasty. I first discovered their Pomegranate Chip ice cream type desert. It is soooooooooooo good! I like it because it is low in sugar, has a low amount of ingredients, is dairy free, and is soy free. (These are personal choices of mine, based on where I want to go with my own nutritional lifestyle.)

I also tried their coffee creamer:

It was pretty good too! I think I could let go of my powdered creamer and use this all the time! Again, the ingredient list is short. The fat contents are low or zero. The drawback is that these products are not cheap. That is actually a good news bad news thing though. The ice creams are so very good, that I have been tempted to eat more than a single serving at a time! Since they are expensive, over $4 a pint, I won't buy them often and they will become more of a treat to indulge in. Because of that, I will be having a decadent desert that is low in calories, fat, and chemicals, only once in a while. That all, is a good thing!

Walking and Yoga-ing continue to make up the bulk of my exercising. All this will change in less than two weeks. That is when school is out and my son complicates things. I have been planning and scheming though. I have three things that I can do with him that all encompass various types of exercises. I hope he enjoys it as much as I think he will!

Ok folks, time to hit the trail while the weather remains reasonable! Let's go for a walk together!

Who Knew?

I knew...but I tried to pretend I didn't. I knew that I needed to follow along with 'the plan' and needed to keep going through the motions.

I did not feel like getting up and going for a walk. But I did it anyway.

I did not feel like getting up and going to Yoga class. But I did it anyway.

I did not feel like tracking my foods for the day. But I did it anyway.

I did not feel like going shopping. But I did it anyway.

Hey, wait a minute...did she say shopping?

Yes, I did say shopping. For the longest time, especially after Yoga classes, I would stop and shop for hours at this store called Savers. It is somewhat like a thrift store...on steroids! I have spent a lot of money there as I shrunk out of my clothes and needed new ones. I discovered the thrill of the hunt for those clothes that would fit the new me! I also think I was a little obsessive with all these excuses to GO shopping! I mean, heck, it was a BARGAIN!

Mimosa tree in bloom on the trail

Back to how things are going now. I think that the crazy month we had in April, and having quit smoking led me to a little bout with depression. Especially when things slowed down again and there was this void in my life all of a sudden. I knew it for sure when I caught myself saying, "I should sell off all this fabric and shut down my studio." That is a classic sign of depression for me. You don't feel like doing anything that you used to enjoy. I only have a mild form of depression that responds well to the meds I have. I wish having any type of mental illness didn't have such a stigma with it! Because of that, I foolishly will stop taking my meds, just to prove to myself that I don't need them. I have done this twice now and guess what? Not only was it a dumb thing to do, but I had also done it in the month of April too! No wonder I was such a mess.

Regarding depression, I wasn't suicidal or anything. I realized that I had been suffering with it for years and years. I am on a super low dose of an older tried and true medication that works great for me. It isn't easy to admit. That stigma remains, even with me now, somehow you're less of a person if you have a mental illness. Even though I really know better.

So overall for the last week in April and this first week or so of May, I ended up gaining somewhere between four and six pounds. However, I still have kept off over one hundred pounds. I don't want to forget about having lost that weight. I kept going through the motions of eating right and exercising through this rough patch. I may not have been as enthusiastic about exercising but I did it anyway.

Mimosa Blooms

Today was not an official weigh-in day. However, I do often weigh myself on Thursdays. I was down three pounds from last Thursday. Yippee! Yes, I still DO like seeing the scale move. I know, I know, I should find a better way to validate my successes with fat losing. I'm working on it! I mean, I almost had myself convinced that if I stayed the weight I've been over the past two or three weeks, that I would be ok with that. Ya, SURE I would!

Anyway, I am back on my meds, I still am not smoking, I am still (as I have been all throughout this latest challenge) well within my food plan and exercise regime. Now my patience has paid off. The scale stopped going up and might even have gone down again. That would be very nice, of course! I honestly can't imagine that it won't keep going down. All the research I've done on what I should weigh, eating the amount of calories I do eat, and exercising the way I do exercise, says I should end up somewhere between 175-150. We shall see. Yes we shall.

I hope you are not bored with the photos from the trail walking. This week cooled down a bit and I have really enjoyed my walks even more! It has helped to lift my spirits back up and I really feel a lot better. I know my mojo is coming back because yesterday my nephew and I spent over two hours digging up the front yard! He dug the hole for the tree and helped me out as we both dug up the dirt, moved rocks, and laid down mulch. My flower bed has now doubled in size!
That lacy Japanese maple tree is my early Mother's Day present. My sore muscles are my present to myself! I earned every one of them.

Tomorrow I will be walking to a Yoga class. Talk about multitasking! So, I am doing better, why don't YOU come for a walk with me tomorrow? You'll feel better if you do!

Sunday's Walk

I was looking up at the vines that circled in the tree canopy above me. I couldn't capture the way the vines were circling around, using my phone camera, but I thought I would share this photo anyway.

These pretty yellow flowers were all over along side the trail:

I was actually doing a little running on Sunday and almost stepped on this branch:

Um, it wasn't a branch! I am not sure if it was alive. I wasn't going to touch it, even with a long stick! I wouldn't let Ziva touch it either. I think it was a speckled king snake. It was about three or four foot long and not too big around for such a long snake. I did watch it for a little while and never saw its tongue flickering or eyes opening. It was probably just coming out into the sun to warm up for a day of hunting.
They are not poisonous. I have only seen striped garden snakes back when I lived in Minnesota as a child. I know that there are a lot of snakes in Arkansas. I like snakes, but not enough to want to own one or check one out tooooooo closely! I will keep a better lookout for snakes on the trail in the future! I also saw a baby bird and a box turtle on the trail. None of these are as exciting as the snake, or the deer last fall, but I enjoy seeing all types of wildlife. I should take more photos too!

I am doing ok, in spite of the rise in poundage. I am officially up four pounds from my lowest weigh-in of 184. I am not happy about it but I am not giving up on myself because of it either. I am still thinking the let down after April's craziness, a bout of mild depression, and having stopped smoking, are the major contributing factors. I did reassess my food and exercise regime. Both are right on track. I triple checked to be sure the calories I am eating are correct for me and they are. For now, I plan to just enjoy being 100 pounds lighter than I was a year and a half ago. I am in a wait and see mode, to see if anything changes. At the end of this month, my exercise routines will change due to school being out for summer. That alone may just kick my metabolism back into weight loss mode.

Ziva says, "Let's go into the light Mom."
"As long as it is sunlight, Ziva, I am ok with that."

Bye for now and see you on the trails!

What's Going to Happen Now?

Many people that know me in 'real life' know me as a quilter. I also dabble in fiber arts...that means I make stuff out of fabric that can be artistic. I make a few items of clothing, but am not a patient detailed seamstress, so my attempts at clothing from scratch often turn out odd.

As you've read, life and I are not in tune with each other these days. One of the first clues that I get is when I think about selling off my studio full of fabrics, crafts, sewing machines, and artist supplies, to name a few things. When I start thinking that way, I know it is time to pay attention to myself and figure out what is going wrong.

I know I am still eating right and I am going through the motions of the same exercise regime that I always have been doing. I also know I am not doing either with the zest, energy, or conviction I've had in the past. As to why this is happening, I still think it is partially the let down after all the excitement of April's events. I still think it is partially having given up cigarettes again. I need to find a new goal to push myself towards. Perhaps with school ending in a few weeks and the major shift in my exercise methods, there will be a shift back to a more enthusiastic self.

Now as to today's feelings...
Yes, that is how I felt today..........the damn scale was up...a lot! Six pounds! You can bet I am going to be looking long and hard at why this is going on now. It makes me want to use it as an excuse to say thinner is better so I should pick up those smokes again! Ya! That makes a whole lot of sense, doesn't it? You and I both know the answer. I will be patient and ride this latest thing...whatever it is...till the weight goes in the other direction again. I have a few guesses that I may try. I think changing up my exercise will be one of the first things I will attempt. Food wise, I really think I am doing ok on...but I will double check that too.

You know how I almost always end these posts with something about going for a walk? You know that movie that came out a few years ago with the dog that is talking and gets distracted by a squirrel? Have you ever heard the expression "Ooooooooooooo, SHINY!"? I get distracted by things like these cool socks...
Aren't these great! I would wear them while going for a walk...in public! Do you think anywone would notice? I love kooky socks. I need to find some with skulls on them.

NOW..........go for a walk!

There Are Always Ups and Downs

I have been having somewhat of a rough time of it these past few days. April was a pretty busy month and ended with a surprise visit from my oldest son. I haven't seen him since last July and it will probably be at least a year before he makes it back this way. It was a good visit. Of course I cried when he left. (youngest son on left, oldest son in the middle, and me on the right)

With everything finally slowing down a tad and trying to get back in the swing of things, I am feeling a bit out of it. I imagine quitting smoking has a part to play in this. (dang nasty evil sticks)
I miss my support group too! I was out of town one of the days that I missed. Then there were a few meetings that only included one or two others in the room. Although we had good talks, it wasn't quite the same as having five or more there! A few special folks have been noticeably absent. Of course I cannot find their phone numbers so I can call and check on them. It really IS true, that a support system helps a lot, when making lifestyle changes. As I tell my fellow support group members, when these times hit, just keep trying to stay on track as best you can until the funky feeling is gone. Those are good words to live by!

Yesterday I didn't eat the best I could, but it wasn't real bad...just an extra serving of pistachio nuts. Big woop-de-dah. Today I have eaten a lot better and even went for a walk on the trail this morning. I was still in a bit of a funk for most of the day, but I soldiered on. Tonight I am feeling a little bit better. I had planned ahead to have some snacks for tonight if I feel the need to have some. I am looking forward to tomorrow, which is good. I have Yoga and then get to go watch my son in a school math competition.


I know I will come out of this funk. I always have. I know some of the contributing factors and have acknowledged them. This helps me deal better with such things. This funky lady will be back to her foxy lady self soon! In the meantime, let's go for a walk!

Sweet Dreams Are (not) Made of These...

...who am I to disagree? (I love that song btw)
This photo came across my FaceBook page today. If you didn't already know there was a lot of sugar in some of our favorite drinks, you will now! Oh it pains me to see that chocolate milk in the middle too! My 11 year old son drinks that at school. At least I pack his lunches with healthier choices. Maybe I can talk him into bottled water for next year. I guess if I never give him lunch money or milk money, that might slow him down on the chocolate milk!
It is hard being a mean Mom, especially when it is for his own good. It is hard to balance healthy eating nudging with nagging. I know from personal experience that nagging the wrong way can really backfire for an overweight child. I could really damage his self esteem if I make him feel less of a person because he is overweight. If he thinks he is lacking, he may begin to think I don't love him as much because he isn't 'perfect'.
I try to provide healthy choices and of course I am trying to set a good example for him. I know there isn't a perfect way to approach this stuff with him. My gosh, it is almost as bad talking about puberty as it is about being fat!
I know I am a good Mom though. I know I will do what I can do and things will turn out as they will turn out. I have three older (adult) children that turned out pretty good. I think I will do okay, and I think my youngest will be fine.

I've been reading about carbs and sugars (which are carbs too). I even heard today that we should now worry more about carbs...like we worried about fats in the past. "Fats don't make you fat, carbs do" was the statement made. It is very hard to know what is right when trying to eat better and lose weight. Just like it is very had to know what to say or not say to a growing child. In both cases, we can only do the best we can do! Keep an open mind, be flexible, pick your battles...all those things apply to both learning to live healthier as well as raising kids.

April has been quite a month! It was full of ups and downs and challenges for eating as well as exercising. I hope May gets back to a less hectic pace! One good thing...well one extra good thing that happened, was that ONE MORE TIME, I have quit smoking again. It has been a week now. I hope I can make it longer without starting again. There is no real excuse for starting up. It is a nasty stinky expensive crappy bad ishy icky smelly dirty habit. BLECH!!!

That's it for today. I will be walking tomorrow morning, on the trail. Why don't you come along too!

About Town

I have nothing. Well, that isn't exactly true. I have ME! I am working on figuring out how to use the new stuff on my laptop and part of this involves getting photos from my phone to the laptop, edit them, and put them on this blog. So guess what? I have a few random photos to share!
The first photo was shot at the local car wash. (I blurred out the lady's face and license plate.) Before the back window of her vehicle was put up, I read an advertisement on the back about a business that I assume was hers or someone she knows. In big bold lettering, it said "Body by Vi" I was amused at the irony of the advertising and the driver. I wonder just how successful this business is? (Please forgive me, my smirk) I did some searching on the Internet when I got home and found out this is a type of healthy shake (according to their website) that will miraculously give you a fit and healthy body. I think I will stick to my more normal foods.

This next picture is from about a month ago, on the trail. A large dead tree had fallen across the trail. It has since been broken up by someone who obviously uses the trail for driving on. This part of the trail is the more remote part. It is the quietest too. I found raspberry bushes along the sides of the trail last time I was out. I doubt I will be able to actually enjoy the berries though. I am sure the wildlife will beat me to them! I plan to try to find some anyway! Yum!!!

I took this shot this morning. Even with a distorted shadow, I can see some curves. It is neat how my curves go in, instead of out now! I bought groceries today. Mangos are back in and on sale. The pineapple looked pretty good too. I even am treating myself to some very fresh, wild caught salmon tonight. I have organic zucchini to fix with it, along with some wild onions that we picked while on our trip last weekend.




I took this last picture about two weeks ago. Here are two packages of ice cream like treats. They both look yummy. The one on the left appeared at first to be a sweet deal! Fewer calories, sounded like the better pick, by far. Then I read the finer print. The one on the right has four cones in it. The one of the left has EIGHT, and the box weighed LESS than the one on the right with four cones. My guess is that the cones in the left box are itty bitty tiny ones that might have one or two bites to indulge in. Then they are gone. What kind of treat is that???
That's it! I have company coming tomorrow that I wasn't expecting and the house has not recovered from my lack of attention over the past couple weeks. Oh goody...more exercise! (sticking out my tongue)
Till next time...go for a walk!

So Did She, or Didn't She???

THAT is the question...isn't it? I will answer it, later.
We got home late Sunday night and I am still exhausted! I suppose doing several gazillion loads of laundry, putting everything away, making meals, returning phone calls, getting mugged by the animals that missed us...all that and more, might have something to do with it!

We played our hearts out while the cold winds blew and blew and BLEW!!! I think that may have played a part in my exhaustion. I had a lot of random thoughts cross my mind over the weekend. I had a lot of challenges too. Let me bore you with some of this!

I found myself challenged to find something to eat while actually at the event. Although the kitchen provided food for the performers, it was a challenge for me to eat like I am used to, even with my self-permission to indulge! The food provided was good and hearty, but it was also very starchy. I had a bun with beans in it because they had run out of meat. I took a few lettuce leaves and put a dollop of mustard on them to eat too. I also had some corn. I passed on the stuffing, mac n' cheese, cookies, and coleslaw. I spied one loan apple and grabbed that. This was a very strange meal! I was starving by that night when the guys wanted to stop at Wendy's for their promised burgers.

By Sunday I was really craving vegetables, I felt like a Vegan in a butcher shop! On Sunday they had a turkey and elbow macaroni hot-dish. It was just to 'heavy' to eat. I picked out the meat, grabbed an overripe orange and headed for the food vendor on the fairgrounds. I thought I had seen chicken on their menu earlier. They did have chicken wings but they were fried and had some breading on them. What do to? I then saw chili on their menu! I had that without the cheese and crackers. It was so good! Success!!!

So, did I end up ordering that burger at Wendy's on Saturday night? Well, I ended up ordering a garden salad without dressing and I dumped the croutons in the trash. Several times my sweet husband offered me one of his burgers or even half of one. I passed on that offer. It just did not look good to me. I was still hungry though! I walked a couple blocks to a little hole in the wall Mexican joint and got the most delicious chicken quesadilla! I passed on the sour cream though. I've never had a quesadilla that wasn't from Taco Bell or from the freezer department in the grocery store! This one might have been made from scratch. Man that has now spoiled me forever! The chicken chunks actually looked like real chicken meat!

Still no fast food burgers for me! I have gotten real picky with the quality of food is that goes in this old girl's gullet!

Other notes from the weekend include a lady who talked to me at length about how to lose weight. I also saw a very huge person with one of those wheelchairs that are as wide as a small sofa. I felt so sorry for him or her. (I couldn't tell because the person was in the distance)

Monday I dragged myself to Yoga. Oh that felt soooooo good! Today I walked the trail. It is good to be home. It is good to get the validation that I can indulge some, and still not gain weight because of one weekend out of the ordinary. It is good to be back to my more normal routine. It is GREAT to be ME!