Wasn't it JUST the 4th of July?

I have just not felt much like posting boring posts and have also been super busy in my life, so a lot of this posting is from the 4th of July...over THREE weeks ago!

First up are the parfaits I made. I used blueberries, raspberries, angel food cake, and whipped cream made from real cream! It was my tribute to the "Red, White, and Blue" theme of the holiday:

It was good, but would have been better if I had been able to find edible strawberries that day. I am getting super picky about the foods I buy!

Here is my husband and me at the park, waiting for darkness to fall so the fireworks would begin! I was wearing my shirt tucked in! Fat people aren't supposed to do that, are they? hehehehe

My son.  That smile makes me think he's up to something!

My hubby. My Irish folk singer!

And some of the fireworks:

ooooooooooooo

aaaahhhhhhhhh

ooooooooooooo

aaaaahhhhhhhh

My lettuce growing experiment has had mixed results. I had put it in a sunny window. They got too much sun and started sending out seed stems. Once they do this, the leaves will be bitter.

I tried a mini-hydroponic type planter that did not work. Now I just snip the leaves as soon as they are a few inches tall. Those that sent out the long stems were tossed. Was it worth the hassle? Not really.

Soon it will be time to transplant the pineapple into dirt. I hope I have better luck growing that!

That's it for today! Hope you're having a wonderful summer...Walk-On!

A Little Taste of Sunday

We went for a bike ride this morning. Unbeknownst to me, my husband took a little video of me riding along in front of him.

It isn't much and it isn't flattering to my butt! The ride was very nice though. We are so lucky to have so many EASY bike trails to choose from in this wacky state we live in!

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

I started this post shortly after I finished the last one a week or so ago. In reading Crabby's blog today, I realized that I should just finish this one and get it out there! I hope it makes some sort of sense to you.

GUILT: Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive. We lie, cheat, and steal. You say you don't do such things? You have never lied about what you've eaten? You have never cheated on your diet? You have never stolen a taste of something decadent? I bet you have a bridge for sale too, eh?

Much has been written about the psychology of over eating. Theories abound about some past trauma leading to eating to self-medicate so we feel better. How can we feel better though, if while trying to lose weight, we lie, cheat, or steal an evil food substance? There is no room for guilt in a diet. A true diet is just a blanket term for the total sum of the foods we, or any other living thing, eats. Animals all are on a diet. Some eat grass as their only food source. Some eat meat. Even plants have a diet.

Most folks think of being on a diet as some trial by fire they have to deal with in utter agony. This means that if they are successful and lose the weight, they will go off their diet. OR if they are unsuccessful and quit, they are also going off their diet.

• I say, don't think of it as a diet; it is a lifestyle change. 
• Don't think of what you eat as seeing how much deprivation you can deal with before giving up.
• Don't go ON a diet that implies you will get OFF a diet.

Instead...change your life. Eat like you think a person with your ideal weight would eat. For example, say your goal weight is 150 pounds. Live your life as close to a person who weighs 150 lives. How much do they exercise? What do they eat? Do they NEVER have cheesecake? Maybe they do if they are lactose intolerant. A normal weight person will have that cotton candy at the fair. They won't have it every time they see that stale crap in a plastic bag at the grocery store though.

Every little change you can make will count. Every tweak you make, will make a difference. Take the power over what you eat and learn how to not give food so much power over you! Self medications are things such as smoking, liquor, drugs, food, etc. What does it get you? What is the reward you get for abusing your body so? Instead, can you maybe ride through the rough spots and realize that things will get better? If you need help, get it!  But don't self medicate by abusing your body even more. Strive to make things better and eventually they will. I never thought so until I hit my mid 50's. I firmly believe that if I want things to get better I have to believe they will get better and then you know what? They DO get better!    

MY LIFE:
So I am still stuck in the upper 180's. It is my own fault. I keep pushing to see how much I can eat and how little I can exercise and still maintain under 200 pounds. So far, so good. BUT, is it good enough? Am I willing to take the next step to either lose a bit more weight or to accept this is my lowest weight?

I am not sure.

I am going to turn 60 next year. For some reason, that number is weirding me out. My parents both passed in their 60's. If I knew I was going to die at age 64, like Mom did, would I do anything differently?

INDOOR GARDEN:
The lettuce is growing like a weed! I currently have six plants. Two of them are getting some serious roots started. I am experimenting with a mini hydroponic planter made from plastic water bottles.

I am also trying to grow a pineapple. I just started one in water and have a second one drying out before putting it into water too. I always thought you started with a sliced top. You don't, you start with the crown of 'leaves' that you twist off the top.

Not much walking in the heat and humidity but we've been to the pool a few times and maybe soon I will be able to get back into the gym with my favorite trainer from last fall!

See? Things DO get better....ya just gotta believe!

Walk-on!

Water, Water, Everywhere...but here

Learning how to live my new healthier lifestyle:
The more I test the waters, both negatively and positively, I am learning. I am trusting myself more and trusting my judgement more, on what I eat or what I do for exercise as well as what I don't eat or what I don't do for exercise. Remember, this is all new territory for me. I have never been this way before. I am still learning how to live as a semi-normal healthy woman...and I LIKE IT!

Summer:
Summertime is here with a vengeance in central Arkansas. Yesterday it was over 100º with the humidity around 50% and no rain for days. Yuk. My 12 year old son and I are still hitting the local swimming pool to exercise and cool off. I love the water! Plus I scored those water-dumbbells at that rummage sale last fall and can do a real proper exercise session, in the pool. Playing catch or water-shooting each other has been fun too.

Gardening:
Something new I discovered is that you can grow your own lettuce from what normally you toss in the trash! I am experimenting with romaine lettuce. I cut off the end of the lettuce and put it in about a half inch of water. The water needs to be changed daily as the lettuce gets its nutrients from the minerals in the water.

Here is a photo of three lettuce heads. 

They were all started within a few days of each other:

 The one on the bottom right is the oldest one. 

Here you can see I added a forth head-end of lettuce:

 Look how much the first one has grown in less than a week!

Within two days the forth head has sprouted leaves in the center.
The oldest head is almost ready to start harvesting if you want to eat baby romaine:

A few more days pass, and I have a 'garden in a cup' on my window sill!

 

I will let you know if this turns out to be real food that is edible. I read that you can do this with celery ends, onions, sweet potatoes, potatoes, and pineapple too! I have an onion and sweet potato in a cup on my window sill to see if I have any luck there as well.

In the kitchen:

Something that is a little more normal than growing lettuce in the window, is pie. I don't eat pie very often. I do like a good blueberry pie though and this one is from fresh blueberries:

I have mine with plain 2% fat Greek yogurt (Fage of course) instead of whip-cream or ice cream. Since I only have pie once or twice a year, I don't feel guilty about it at all! You do NOT have to be deprived to live healthy.

In the background are banana muffins. I made these without sugar, buttermilk, or oil. I used whey from homemade yogurt that I made from raw milk. The bananas are very ripe so they add the needed sweetness. These turned out great! They were not as chewy as when I've made them with yogurt or applesauce instead of the oil. I also tossed in a few handfuls of rolled oats to thicken the batter. I love experimenting in the kitchen. I had to show this again as this really is one of the best looking pies I have ever made:

Pizza Crust:
I have made pizza crust using cauliflower in the past. I always thought you had to precook the cauliflower and then run it through a ricer. This method takes raw cauliflower to make the 'dough' and is not as much work! For preparation and cooking specifics go to this video on YouTube by Buff Dudes.

Here are the ingredients from the video:
CHICKEN PIZZA
 2 Cups Cauliflower
1/2 Cup Cheese
6 oz Chicken
Dash of Parsley & Oregano
3/4 cup Tomato Sauce
Handful fresh Spinach
2 Full Eggs

1 Slice Contains:
90 Calories
4.3 grams Fat
2.7 grams Carbs
10 grams Protein

Whole Pizza Contains:
726 Calories
35 grams Fat
22 grams Carbs
81 grams Protein
This recipe is for chicken pizza, but you can change up the toppings as you like.

That's it for today! Till next time, Walk-On!

Summertime arrives early

Now that my son is out of school for the summer, it is swimming season! The ninety-plus heat sent he and I to the pool last week. As predicted, no one seemed to take note of my saggy skin when I went to the pool. Of course, I did take note of others! 
I saw several rather large women there. I could have made two or three swimsuits for myself out of their suits. Were they there so they could soak in the water to keep cool? (Fat adds a layer of insulation as I well know!) They certainly weren’t there to exercise. If they were not laying in a lounge chair they were laying on a air-mattress and hanging on to the edge of the pool so they didn’t move around when the breezes blew. I wanted to go up to each one and say “I used to be like you.” Then I would offer help and ‘save’ them from themselves. What gives ME that right? No one ever said such things to me, except for my parents as they were trying to save me from being overweight.

Instead of saving the world, I exercised with the floatation dumbbells that I found at the thrift store last fall. I did that for about half an hour. The second half-hour I played with my son. Remember, he is almost as tall as me. We played like little kids, with full abandon. We both had these pump-action water guns and were chasing each other around the pool, trying to soak each other even more. I felt so young again. I felt like my son and I were bonding and will remember this moment as he goes into his teenage years and all the drama that will come from that!

Weight loss: I was shocked to find I had gone down four pounds from the week before. Today I was back up by two. I am content to just be in the 180’s now.  I haven't been tracking my food. I am happy with how things are going. For now, this is all good enough for me.

I am reading Secrets of a Former Fat Girl and hope to have a book review soon.

I've been working on this post for over a week now! Instead of trying to achieve perfection in blog posting, I am going to call this quits for today and get it published.

Hope you are having a great beginning to your summer season! Walk-on...even if in a pool!

Trigger is more than a horse...

I read a post on Roni's Weigh blog that talked about trigger foods. It was quite thought provoking to me. Here is her posting: Trigger Foods.

It gave me pause to think about my trigger foods. If wine can be considered a trigger food, that would probably be my biggest temptation. I can leave candy alone but if there is a bottle of wine and a weekend involved, I find it hard to resist a bottle of my favorite wine. Another trigger food would be ice cream drumsticks. Yum. Sometimes it can be cookies...they have to be ooey, gooey ones though!

Roni talks about why she thinks certain foods are trigger foods for herself. That got me to thinking about why mine are trigger foods. The wine? I think it is because I like the buzz. I like the way it mellows the mood and relaxes me. How do I handle this trigger? Avoidance. I just don't buy it unless it is a special occasion. The ice cream is a combination of childhood memories of trips to DQ. Ice cream was a treat and a special occasion. Same for the cookies. I handle these by avoidance too.

Of course there are modern day reasons for wanting some of the trigger foods that are not related to childhood memories. These reasons are things like the way a food is made up. A lot of processed food has a bunch of science behind it. Hundreds (and I am guessing a LOT more) of dollars are spent on research to find the right combination of salt, sugar, and fats that make our brains crave more and more. Think potato chips...nobody can eat just one!

Do I plan to avoid certain foods all my life then? Nope. I do not buy them every time I go shopping though. I also try to buy as small a quantity as possible too. If I want a cookie, I either make it myself and share with my neighbors or do it on a day that I might be going to an event, and bring them to share with others.

Do I ever give in to temptation completely? Sometimes. I am pretty happy with myself though. If I buy a box of drumsticks and keep it to one per night for dessert, then I think that is ok. As long as I don't do this day after day, week after week, month after month, I feel it is ok. I also try to push eating a little lighter during the day, pushing big salads and lower fat foods to make up for the treat.

What is your trigger food? How do you handle the temptation? Do you know where your trigger food's roots originated? Do you think that that knowledge would help you resist your trigger foods?

One last note about trigger foods...if you can't resist temptation, can you make it healthier? Can you find a substitute that is better? Can you eat less of it? Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. The difference is that now I can resist or change foods to healthier versions of favorites. When I can't resist, I enjoy the smallest portion, slowly, mindfully, and with relish! THEN I do NOT beat myself up over it. I really try to not let food rule me...I rule the food...as much as I can, as often as I can and it is getting easier.

Walk-on till we meet again!

Kranky Post

It is a busy time of year here. Soon school will be out though, and we will change the way we do things. Of note, my 12 year old and I will be free to ride bikes or go to the local swimming pool. I must say, I am looking forward to both.

We are also gearing up for a performance soon. We actually combined riding bikes and practicing music for the show. On Monday we rode a little over four miles to a little park where we sat around a picnic table and played some of our tunes for the birds and squirrels. Much to our surprise, when we finished the last song, we heard clapping behind us! This was so fun that we plan to do it again this summer.

In other areas of life, it is just going along pretty slow and quiet. I don't have any earth shattering things to talk about. I am up and down on the scale. I am currently not smoking. I think about how ugly my legs and belly look with all the loose skin and fat hanging. I will be making mad dashes from the pool side to the water so most people won't see my whole body and all its wrinkles. blah!

Oh, I just saw that ABC's Extreme Weight Loss show is starting back up tonight. I wonder if it will be as lame as the last 17 episodes were? I can hardly believe they have had that many shows! Do people watch it and other shows like Biggest Loser for inspiration? Or to find out answers as to how to lose weight? Or to make fun of fat people? Or to find that losing weight can be done if you can get on a TV show? (I admit it, I am a cynic).

When the 'in between times' of the television seasons start, the really sucky shows come out for a while. Time for me to get caught up on all those hundreds of hours of recorded programing on the DVR. Wanna watch Christmas with the Krunks or was it Kranks?

(searching...searching...searching....) KRANKS....ya, it was Christmas with the Kranks. I'll bring the popcorn! And if you think I am going to watch that show tonight, you can have all the popcorn I am not going to make, too. (sticking my tongue out)

Walk-On dear readers!

A Little Biking Today

We just got back from our first family bike ride. We were out for about an hour and went about 8 miles. Oh my goodness the bike trails they have here, are awesome! We went across the Big Dam Bridge to the Two Rivers Bridge through a pine forest stand to a rest stop that had a full bike repair station and restrooms...even a solar dumpster. 
It was 80 degrees out but we had a breeze and a great workout. I am surprised how well biking has been for us! Now for brunch and then yard work. Busy Sunday at our house! :)

Don't you just love that tie-dyed tee-shirt I am wearing? The fanny pack does wonders for my silhouette ... NOT!!! We had a great time though and plan to do it again, packing a picnic lunch and taking our instruments along to play. I can't believe how much I actually have enjoyed this new form of exercise!

Till next time, Walk-On!

My New Bestest Breakfast

We recently switched from *skim milk to 2% milk, and now to **almond milk in our house. I have been using Silk's 30 calorie unsweetened almond milk:

I was surprised that my usually fussy 12 year old son, liked the almond milk on his cereal in the morning. I tried it in my coffee and did not like it. I've tried it in Kraft Mac n Cheese and both the son and fussier husband said it was just fine! I've used it in mashed potatoes too, with positive results. Today I made oatmeal with it. I like steel cut oats and usually make eight batches at a time in my crock pot, using water.

So today I made a single serving on the stove top, using almond milk instead of water. I didn't want to waste a bunch of steel cut oats in the crock pot in case I didn't like the taste. OMG!!! I did not need to worry about that! The cooked oats in almond milk not only tasted good, it tasted decadent!

I always have a sliced banana, 2% Greek yogurt, and cinnamon in the bowl too. The results of this experiment were beyond wonderful! It tasted rich, fatty, and nutty. It was a little chewy (in a good way) so it was quite palate pleasing as well as textured.

I plan to make a crock-pot-batch using the almond milk. I will then divide it up into containers and freeze it for my version of instant oatmeal. (Quick note here, be careful as this has the potential to bubble up and boil over just like milk will....ask me how I know!)

FYI this is a big breakfast that really carries you through the morning, without needing a snack. It has about 460 calories using 2% Greek yogurt. If you use fat free Greek yogurt, SUBTRACT about 40 calories.
Subtract 170 calories of the 2% Greek yogurt and using skim milk instead, you'll add 80 calories.
OR
Subtract 170 calories of the 2% Greek yogurt and use 2% milk, and add 160 calories.
You don't even have to add more milk as you are already using the almond milk.
(all yogurts and milk are figured as 8 ounce servings)

Because of the banana and steel cut oats, it digests slower and keeps the thungeries away longer. I hope you'll give it a try!
NOTE: My math was wrong and as of Saturday morning, May 18th, I edited this post with the correct figures)

Bike riding is going well, walking is not...mostly due to higher temperatures outside, busy schedules, and today, rain. My spirits are really good! I still have a back injury that is slowing me down in Yoga...a pulled muscle I think. But I am eating clean and the scale has been kind to me for a week now.

That's it for today! Walk-On dear readers...with wheels if you want. 

*I've read a lot of disturbing things about how skim milk is made. I think it is over-processed. Allegedly powdered milk is added to make skim milk less chalky and to give it a whiter color, among other reasons. If I understand it right, the FDA does not require the addition of powdered milk to be labeled as an ingredient

**I love that almond milk has a longer shelf life in the fridge, compared to milk. I can buy several cartons at a time, especially when it is on sale.

When is good enough, good enough?

We often define ourselves by our jobs, achievements, talents, money, or other such markers of success. In the case of weight loss, we define ourselves by how much weight we have lost, how much exercise we do (or don't do), and by what we eat...whether it is good or bad food! But what really makes one good enough?

I am a quilter. I see a project and start it. Sometimes things go wrong and I have to pick out a bunch of stitching to redo it better. Quilting is a process where you make the top and then sandwich some fluffy type batting in the middle and usually have a solid pieced backing. The top is where the work is most intense. Some are pieced with geometric shapes. Some have fabrics cut in specific shapes and then they are sewn down onto a background fabric. Below is a sample of each.

This is appliqué. All the shapes are cut out and sewn down to the background fabric. In this example the edges of each piece are folded under before hand stitching them in place. It is VERY labor intensive and often takes hours of work to achieve.

This is pieced where the geometric shapes are cut apart and then sewn together to make blocks. Those blocks are later sewn together to make the quilt top. Quilters pride themselves on making perfect joinings of each piece so the points are crisp and match up perfectly.

I am not a perfect quilter. I don't always have the pieced fabrics perfectly joined with pointy points and matched up seams. I then get tripped up on the quilting part, where you actually sew together the three layers. Here is an example of someone elses quilting:

 Jill is an online friend of mine, and a most excellent quilter and designer of quilts!

And here is an example of mine:

I have not come even close to the fancy quilting in the first example. I often let myself know I am not good enough to quilt like that. I don't give myself credit for being able to quilt tops the way I do it. There are quilters that cannot even do what I do. If it isn't straight stitching they often won't try to quilt like I do. What I do is called 'free motion quilting'. That is quilting squiggly lines with no pattern in mind.

That first example is free motion quilting of a specific design. In particular, note the stitching that looks like a feather. I am not at that level of quilting yet. I say yet, like I will be that good someday. I don't know that I will EVER be that good. But it is ok. I still can create works of MY art and it will be good enough. This doesn't mean I won't always strive to quilt better...just that until I am there, it IS good enough!

I will also be good enough with this weight loss stuff. Sure, I have gained a few pounds and often feel like a failure in weight loss, but really I am NOT a failure and I need to work on not feeling like a failure. Somehow I gotta believe that I not only WILL be good enough, but that I already am.

My Mother's Day present arrived a day early. A brand new purple and orange bike with old fashioned coaster brakes and no gears. I love it!

 

That is my 12 year old son with me. He just learned how to ride a bicycle a few weeks ago. He's already making plans for us to go on bike rides. THIS is a good thing.....

So walk-on my friends....even if it is with wheels!

I don't feel a 'little bit nutty'...I feel I am full blown walnuts!

I wish I knew what weight is right for me. I've never been there. I might be there now. I might not be there now. It is not easy to figure out.

I was reading a guest post on Crabby's blog last week. Shadowduck had a wonderful posting titled: The Long Slow Climb. It was a very good posting. I left a comment, as did many others, and my blog posting today is pulled from my comment.

"I am still here in plateau-land and have pretty much been living here for a year now. Recently I even gained a few pounds. How depressing. I've been trying to keep a stiff upper lip about it all, but it isn't easy. 

I like the analogy of the "Me" from two years ago talking to the "Me" now...or seeing the "Me" now and admiring how far I've come! So what if it is only 99 pounds right now and at one time was 105 pounds lost? This is still a great achievement! I will keep telling myself this. I can't give up now and go back to what I was! I just can't!

I am trying to be proud of what I have achieved, and that is why I have not given up. Truth be told, that 100 pounds was not that hard to take off. I was stubborn and stuck with it and had all my ducks in a row to achieve that huge milestone. I know that and I am trying hard to keep that in my brain. I have always been such a failure at this weight stuff! I don't want to be a failure this time as this is the biggest achievement I have EVER done on my own with no gimmicks.

Having had so much steady success for the 15 months it took to lose that 100 pounds, it has been a real test of perseverance to not let 'it' get to me that I have not lost anything since then. 

This last bit of weight has been just stuck for over a year now. I am not trying to be ultra thin/skinny either. The old charts say I should be around 140-150 and I am just hoping to get to 179. Today I have 13 pounds to lose to get there. This is all new territory for me too. I am not sure if I should just be happy at this weight or if I should be worried sick that I am starting to gain it all back or if I am just crazy like the rest of the world and it will be what it will be. :D

Thank you for your comments. (and for 'listening' to my story here) Perhaps I will find the way to kick start my progress again, and that will be great. If not, I think the powers that be are just teaching me to love this version of me, as I AM so much better than I was two years ago!"

 "I am not just a little bit nutty, 

I am full blown walnuts!"

Walk-on dear readers, walk-on...

Party On Dudes and Dudettes....

Life can be a bitch or a party....

I weighed in at 192 pounds this week. So now I have to say I've only lost 99 pounds and I've been kicked out of One-derland...but no, I AM still IN One-derland, I just can't say I've lost 100 pounds right now. OR I can say I lost 100 pounds and gained back one, so now I have only lost 99 pounds. How neurotic we foodies/fatties/health-nutters/crazy/sane/normal people we can be.

...but I have stopped smoking, for over a week now.

...and I am tired of calorie counting and don't really think that is the problem anyway.

...plus I know one thing I haven't been doing...walking. So I am adding more walking back into my life.

...and then there is the Taekwondo that wasn't working for me. The class times are bad for my life. In the end, the cost will be too much to continue on, so I have decided to discontinue that.

Am I suffering with depression? Am I overly stressed in my life? I don't think so. I am not thrilled with the scale. I am concerned with the expansion in my waist. I've gained several inches that are in no way related to the scale readings. It is like I have a bunch of air blowing up little balloons in my belly. I am hoping this is a reaction to the excess sugars from drinking a bit more wine than usual. I don't have wine in the house now as the last was finished over a week ago. I've added the walking back in for four out of the last five days. I am still eating pretty good I think. If things keep going the wrong way, I am not sure what I will look at next.

Words of wisdom common sense: 100 calories of carrots is not the same as 100 calories of cookies.

See you soon.....I am going to go party now, with nature...Walk-on dear readers!

To market, to market, jiggety jig...

Saturday Morning: I just finished a most delicious breakfast. We had eggs and sausages from the farmers' market, orange Cutie segments, homemade biscuits, and homemade hash browns with chopped onions. YUM.

As I sip the last of the morning coffee, I thought to my self that I should post on my blog more. Why don't I? Well, mostly I don't because I only have snippets of thoughts that don't seem to be enough to make a whole posting. Sometimes it is because I wrestle with the tedious chore of using my own photos vs the easier way of stealing borrowing photos from Google Images. I worry about copyright infringement. I don't like to do it. But I also do not like using my own photos because it takes so damn long to edit them (to MY exactness) and then to upload them. The photos on this posting took about an hour to prepare for the blog. I don't know if it is because I am so slow, or what.

Anyway...

The farmers' market is finally open for the season. (I know there is one egg missing from this dozen, use your imagination: This is what $4 eggs (a dozen), looks like. The other booth had them for $4.50 per dozen. They are free range chicken eggs, even the green ones.

This is early in the season for eggs. The hens react to daylight hours and as spring comes on, they lay more and more eggs. Later in the summer I would expect to see the yolks a LOT darker in color. The store bought egg is on the left and the farmers' market egg is on the right.

Both are about the same in freshness. That is a rarity as I would expect the store-bought eggs to be a lot older and less fresh. We can't always buy the farm fresh stuff and now I won't feel like I am missing out on 'good' eggs as much as I had thought.

I am not sure that the cost difference warrants the farm egg over the store egg. We could not tell any difference in flavors and I honestly wanted there to be a huge difference!

'Cage free' eggs in the grocery store are not the same as 'free range' eggs at the farmers' market, I may try farm eggs again, just because of that. (Or I could get my own hens...but I would hate having chickens in town.) Perhaps in another month the yolks will darken and the full flavor will come through.

Here is the rest of our haul at the market on Saturday:

There are sweet potatoes, the eggs, red lettuce, broccoli, beef and sausages. The sausages were pretty good, though I overcooked them and they were a tad dry...not burnt though. They came from the same vendor that had the eggs. I liked these young gals and will do business with them again!

Sunday Evening: We were very disappointed in the steaks. They were super small, SUPER expensive, and although tender, they had little if any, flavor. From the same vendor though, the hamburger was very well received by the hubster and our son. In some fairness, part of the reason that the steaks were not what we had hoped was because I thought we were paying a price per pound. The steaks ended up costing close to a dollar an OUNCE or more. Very very very expensive.
The ground beef though, at $6/lb, did have better flavor than the extra lean beef I get at the grocery store. Was it because it was fattier or because it was grass-fed? I am not sure. We will try grass-fed again...just not from this vendor.

Monday Afternoon: We inquired about the CSA program at another vendor. If we were to sign up, it would cost us about $20-$30 per week, paid in advance. ($800 for the most expensive) I am just not ready to commit to getting a mystery basket each week.

In other news, our governor is reportedly about to sign a bill, allowing farmers to sell raw milk to the public with some limitations but at least it will not be illegal anymore. I have plans to meet up with some small farmers after it is finally legal to buy the milk. I have plans for several homemade things from this.

Monday Night: Supper is over and I am tired. I've been running all day. I wish I could say I was jogging all day but I don't do running for exercising. The day flew by...just way too fast. Yoga wasn't as rewarding as I had hoped. I am looking forward to our regular teacher coming back. The sub isn't all that bad but our regular teacher has us spoiled. Tomorrow is Taekwondo. I still feel so dumb in that class. I can't remember the sequences of the moves. I plan to ask for a little more help or to be allowed to take notes. I hope if I can practice at home I can remember more than two moves at a time!

Oh and last but certainly not least!!!! THANK YOU to all who leave comments. I do read every single one and I have no good excuse for not answering every single one. I hope you'll overlook this little shortcoming of mine. I, very much, appreciate all your comments, I really do. Well maybe not the spammer comments. I get tired of deleting them over and over again. blah!!!

Walk-On dear readers and have a great week!

I am...crazy

As promised, your fearless leader:

Donut Rolling

I DID make it to my first martial arts class ... and survived.... and didn't hurt myself or others around me! I have about seven more free classes to go. I needed to do something to motivate me to get back on track with my exercising. I get bored so easily!

My goal is to try the martial arts, for the free one month trial. Then spend the money for a membership there, or at a local gym. Somehow I am going to find the money for a trainer for at least a few sessions if I go back to the gym. I wish I could afford one all the time! Things never did work out with the trainer I was trying to meet up with a few weeks back and I have given up on him. :(

I hope to get a photo of me in my martial arts uniform. If I do, you'd better not laugh at me. I felt SO out of my element Tuesday! My first class included four boys...teens or tweens maybe, one 20-ish year old girl, and the two instructors, one male and one female. I got lots of special treatment...I am sure it wasn't because I have the coordination of a donut. Actually, at least a donut can roll...I haven't had to do that yet, but I saw some of the more advanced students do that.

I struggled with going back to the second class on Thursday, but I did. I am glad I did too. I was awarded my first belt! Yes, it is the white one, but it is MY first! They also did a little ceremony to present it to me. I like feeling so special!

I feel very uncoordinated, clumsy, and way out of my comfort zone in class. It is strange saying "SIR" and bowing. I find I am strangely loving it! I don't know if I will keep up with it beyond the free 30 day pass. I DO like a challenge though and the thought of perhaps getting at least one colored belt someday is appealing.

I will keep you posted!

HI-YA!!!-

I am apprehensive, but on Tuesday, the day after my 13th wedding anniversary, I am going to a martial arts class!

I need a kick in the behinder to get my exercising back on track. I'll keep you posted on who's butt I kick. Oh and I am staying the same weight...but I discovered what I have suspected for a while, my measurements have changed. I guess exercise is good for waist loss as well as weight loss!

I was reading a blog called "Truth2BeingFit" where she was talking about thigh gap. Really? People worry about such things??? Apparently so. I was happy to show off my muffin top today in an Easter pink tee-shirt. I am sure others see a pudgy old woman. Since I know better, I don't care!

I was good about staying out of the candy on Easter Sunday. In fact, my 12 yr old has also stayed out of it...mostly because he can't find where I hid it.

That's it for today! Hope you have had a nice weekend too. Walk On!!!

The Best Ideas of....OOOOO SHINY!!!

How come I have all these GREAT ideas for postings throughout the day, and when I get time to sit and write, I have forgotten them? I have tried writing down notes to remind me, but then I lose the notes. I have a hand-held recording device, but I left it somewhere, where I can't find it. (we won't mention that I don't know how to work it very well yet) I wish I could blame this on old-age-brain, but I've been this way most of my life....at least I think I have...I forget now....what was I saying? ....

This past Saturday I went to an event. My favorite yoga studio had sent out a notice that they were having a "Healthy Life, Wellness, and You, Workshop" I thought it might be fun to go to! Imagine, local folks talking about something I have a passion for...living healthier! In the notice, there were pictures of some of the current hot-topic-books like "Wheat Belly". I really thought this was all going to be very informative!

Imagine my dismay when it turned out to be an infomercial. Protein powder, healthy candy substitutes, power powders to enhance your drinking water, and more, were offered up for sale. OR you can make thousands of dollars selling this junk stuff, by becoming a distributor. I knew this company was going to be there, but I stupidly did not realize it was going to be the whole program. The quote that I liked the best was when they said "Pork is, of course, really bad for you because pigs don't sweat so they are full of toxins."

I was NOT amused.

They also said many other things that I could rail on about, but what's the point why bother? It was just another example of the fluffy getting exploited...as well as other naive folks who thought they were going to find information on healthier living. Anyone want to detoxify your body in 30 days? You know your liver and kidneys can't do it without help. Just think of all those toxins in your liver? How on earth are you still alive??? (I hope you can tell I don't buy into any of this crap, garbage, propaganda, detox theory stuff.)

So it was a waste of time. I sure wish I could gather a group of such folks and edumacate them. My ideals are not that far out there. I really think I could help folks. Now if only I could convince myself of that! Just because I am struggling right now, I feel I lack validity in telling or even suggesting to others, how to lose weight and live better. But I DID lose that 100 pounds and I have kept it off for a year now. That counts for something...I know it should anyway.......hmmmm

My other yoga class has been a bummer lately too. A lady is trying to get her certification and is substitute teaching our yoga class. This gives our regular yoga person a much needed and well deserved break. (These are both volunteers) I give the sub credit for wanting to become certified. It is a lot of work and I am sure she knows her stuff. I just don't like her yoga routines. I've had a number of different yoga teachers over this past year. This is the first one that I don't mesh with. That isn't too bad though! AND it really makes me appreciate my other teachers even more. I need to be sure to tell them that, the next time I see them.

Carboys.... wait, what? .... I was writing a note to myself about something on Crabby's blog and I wrote Carboys....Most of those letters are in her moniker, right? She has been kind enough to stop by my blog on a fairly regular basis. I had to bribe her to do it, but I am glad she does visit. The link to her blog is over on the left. She has a GREAT blog. Read it!

Ok dear readers, I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Don't eat too many jelly beans but do slow down and enjoy the ones you do have! (I like the black and purple ones bestest)

Walk On!

Those blasted food manufacturers again!

I read the other day that most stores have stopped carrying full fat Fage yogurt.

Why would you want full fat yogurt? Mostly I like to use it as my ice cream. It tastes good with chocolate syrup on it! Or butterscotch even. I might try freezing if I can find it somewhere else again. Also I have found that the full fat (and sometimes the 2%) is more satisfying. The fat fills you up and sticks with you longer.

The zero fat leaves me craving for more!
I still like the zero fat for sour cream replacement though, it is tangy.

Also, did you notice that the zero fat Fage is an ounce LESS than the 2% Fage but sells for the same price? That makes the 2% a better deal, money wise.

I had to laugh when I heard about the Kraft Mac n Cheese news this week.

Well, I guess it is NOT funny that the US version can have those nasty yellow dyes in them. But when the ladies behind the movement to get those colors out of the US version, were on Dr. Oz this past week, Dr. Oz did a comparison. He thought the UK version actually looked a little yellower and tastier. When he did a taste comparison he said, "This (the UK version) tastes like I remember it as a kid!"
Is Dr. Oz that young? My mac n cheese in my childhood was made from elbow macaroni and melted Velveeta. I don't know why, but this just struck me as funny. By the way, I am not a huge fan of Dr. Oz...in case you couldn't tell.

Finally today, I came across this:

If I could find a source for raw milk I would buy it in a heartbeat! I don't know why I don't trust the FDA. I am sure they are not influenced by food manufacturers. (insert sarcasm here)

I am hanging in here. I have still not been able to meet up with my trainer and am thinking how to work around that. He is now sick. I feel sorry for him but am glad I have not plunked down the $75 to see him yet. If I come up with a replacement idea, I am going to skip seeing him. I know I CAN do a routine on my own. I just need to come up with one!

I am smoking again...sorta. There, I have admitted it. I would say I am at about two per day. I am fighting it. I make no promises other than if I DO go full fledged with these damn things, I will quit again too. Sorry to have let you down on that.

The weight is not budging. Big F-in' surprise there. I am not moving as much as I used to. I AM eating pretty clean though. Trouble is, some of the clean eating involved sunflower seeds and pistachios. I hope you hang in with me here though. Just because I am struggling, doesn't mean I can't be helpful, now does it? I hope not!!!

That is is for today. Hope you have a wonderful weekend! I plan to. Walk on!!!

Syrup isn't Sugar and Sugar isn't Syrup?

If corn syrup solids are listed as the first ingredient, why are sugars listed as ZERO grams? Did you know this? I am still researching this but I think I have figured out that corn syrup solids are not considered sugar because it is a syrup. It is listed as a carb but not a sugar. I am not amused. My coffee creamer's first ingredient is "corn syrup solids". I think I am going to go back to half and half in my coffee. It is a LOT more natural! So watch those grams of carbs in your ingredients, especially if they say they are sugar free...it might be a lie fib!

In the post before this I had several commenter's. Thank you so much! I often wonder if anyone is still reading this blog. For the record, I have NOT started smoking this time. Also for the record, I am doing better. The scale didn't budge but my mood has lifted. I have plans for keeping my moods lifted this week too. I am hoping to meet with my old trainer from last fall to see if we can work out a way to meet a few times a week so I can gain my strength back. I am also thinking about doing another 5K. I can't tell you what a relief it is to feel good again!

Part of the reason for my mood lifting, is recently I gave myself permission to visit the Wizard of Oz. He told me "There's no place like home" and that it might take six years, but I CAN go home!

Just the THOUGHT process of giving myself permission to make plans for going home has taken a weight off my shoulders like you wouldn't believe!

Now I am doing some brainstorming. I will be in my mid sixties when the first window of opportunity happens for such a grand move. What kind of life do I want and what kind of life can I actually do, back in California, in my 60's? I've thought about being a 'Life Coach'. I have toyed with the idea of owning a big Victorian mansion where I host retreats for quilters, weight loss support groups, Yoga, and more. I would have some of my favorite old friends help with this endeavor. There is Laume the quilter, Kimberly the masseuse, Gereg the sword play instructor, and Lenie the Bubble Fairie and Labyrinth builder...just to name a few. Yes, I have an odd bunch of friends out there!

Will ANY of this transpire? I honestly am not sure. Just the exercise of thinking this way though, has opened up a whole new world to me and has turned my life around to a happier place.

Why am I sharing this with you? To show you that the power of the mind REALLY IS awesome. If you are struggling...and I certainly was...all it took was resetting my brain. This works for weight loss too. I mean really...I was obese ALL my life. I didn't know what a normal weight was. True I have a few more pounds to go, but every time I have lost weight in the past, I gained it back. Even having had gastric bypass surgery over 30 years ago, did not keep me from being obese.

I had to change my mind. I couldn't do it in the way that a woman is famous (or is that infamous?) for doing. It had to be a total reset in my way of thinking. In eight months I will reach the three year goal of having lost the weight and kept it off. That is my self imposed proof positive that this time I can keep the weight off for good AND live a more normal life. Brilliant!

It was just a mind reset.

The power of the mind is really awesome!

Walk on dear readers...it is a beautiful day!

Move along, move along, nothing to see here!

I promised to not disappear when things were not going as well as I would like them to be going. So...things are not going as well as I would like them to be going. I am up in weight again. (sigh-oh-poor-me)
I could blame it on the weather.
Maybe it is the time of year.
Maybe I have gotten lazy.
Perhaps I am deluding myself in regards to how little I can exercise and how much I can eat.
Just because some studies suggest full fat is better than zero fat, doesn't mean it is better for me.
Insert any lame excuse here _________!

I am going through a very rough time. It is partly my nature. I am a worrier. I have anxiety issues. I suffer with bouts of depression. Often I turn to cigarettes when these things peak in intensity. I have tried medications but part of me loathes the thought of being on some type of antidepressant year, after year.

I know I will work things out. I know I have been saying this for several months now. It is amazing how time flies...it has been almost half a year that this all started piling up. I think it is because I first had to go through the process of accepting that I was not going to get to be 150 pounds. I had to accept that I was going to be in the 180's unless I was willing to do more. I am now trying to balance out what I am willing to do more of, with what weight I can be satisfied with.

I struggle with posting as I really want to stay positive! I have not given up. I won't. I want to learn to like the weight I am at, MORE than giving up and gaining all the weight back that I lost.

I know many others who are at or nearly at their weight maintenance levels struggle with these issues too. I am not alone. None of us are. We can all reach out if we want to...if we allow ourselves to. It is not a sign of weakness. Why would it be?

Ok, today is supposed to be a pretty nice spring day. Things are going well in most other areas of my life. I think I will go for a walk. I always feel better when I do!

Walk-On everyone, be happy, never give up!