Who Is Walkerlady?

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I'm the 'Lazy Quilter' who doesn't always take the time to try to achieve perfection. I prefer to enjoy the process of creating instead of agonizing over being perfect. I am 'Walker Lady' who changed my lifestyle and lost over 70 pounds in the process! I wear the hats of a Quilter, Artist, Crafter, Musician, Life Coach, Wife, and Mom, all rolled up into one unique human bean!

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Where do we go from here?

If you could visit with anyone from the past, who would it be? Would you want to visit with a famous person? Or a family member? Once you were done visiting, what then? Do they just go poof, back in to the other world?

I have been wondering about "what then" as it pertains to me.
I lost a bunch of weight, what happened then?
 I'm gaining some back.
Why?
Because I am not eating as good as I was and not exercising as hard as I used to.
Why?
Because I've gotten lazy and distracted.

What is distracting you?
Well, every week my brain and I jump around various thoughts and in no particular order, some of these are:
  • I need to remember to do my ten minute walk every day
  • I plan meals for myself and my family as well as making those meals. (one drawback of healthier eating is taking time to prepare more of your meals from scratch)
  • I have yoga class twice a week and currently am also teaching one of those classes….this involves time prepping for class by watching videos, reading, or watching yoga classes on TV.
  • I have the weight loss and healthy living class twice per week. I co-lead that and it also involves research to be prepared to have a topic of discussion, among other things.
  • I need to practice playing my music for our performances. This is not easy because I can't read music!
  • I want to draw and develop Abby and Ziva cartoons
  • I want to make art dolls, I want to make more quilts, I want to make more art quilts
  • All the work involved with keeping a house in order...cooking, cleaning, shopping, balancing the checkbook, making appointments, laundry, errand running, taking and picking up my son from school, etc.
  • Writing a book…I keep being told to write a book. 
  • Checking FaceBook, emails, newsletters, and other time suckers on the computer.
  • Making decisions for the family. This is harder to explain, but I am the driving force behind whether or not we get a new sofa, or tear down the old shed, or comparison shop for a new shed, or replacing vs repairing my vehicle. Hubby is sweet and mostly says whatever I want is ok. That is a lot of added responsibility though.
  • Worrying. Yes, I worry too much. I worry about not only myself but my family, both here and extended. Is everyone happy? If not, can I make them happier? Are they healthy? How much should I push to encourage changes in anything? 
  • How will we afford to send youngest to college?
  • Toss in wanting to get an RV again and to travel again. I miss that SO much! We can't get one though. No, wait, we COULD get one, but it would really hurt the budget and be very irresponsible.
  • I want to smoke cigarettes but know I should not. (I've resisted so far this year)
  • I enjoy my wine. The stigma of drinking any alcohol makes me feel a bit guilty because my parents were heavy drinkers.
  • Dealing with the past because we made the biggest mistake of our lives by leaving California when we did. I know the past is past and we can't change it, but it still bites and hurts.We lost so much, and feel too old to start all over again.
  • Hating where we live but feeling trapped here.
That is a lot to think about.
Yes, I know!
Why do you think it is hard to figure out where to go from here?
I think part of it is that I am afraid of making a mistake. I mentioned the huge mistake we made by leaving California. There are other smaller ones that all add up. I've tried to get the right sofa for our family room without spending several thousand dollars on one that the cats would shred. So far I have tried four sofas over six years and none of them has worked out. This means I've cost the family precious dollars.

Why do you think you are so hung up on money?
Of course it doesn't grow on trees, so there's that. We lost most all our life savings in the move, and jobs here don't pay what they did there. We can't get ahead anymore. We are just coasting. That means that every time I buy something that doesn't work out or is wasted, I've thrown away money that will take a long time to make up. My ex-husband was also super frugal and he had major issues with how I spent money. Details don't really matter, but 20+ years of marriage to him gave me a lot of money worrying brainwashing to deal with now.

Where do you go from here?
One thing I think I need to do is to define exactly, or more exactly, where I want to go for the rest of my life. How much time do I want to devote to what interests me most? How can I find happiness now? I used to join in a lot of online swaps with fellow quilters. I miss that. I didn't realize just how much until recently.

You know, this sounds like goal setting, don't you?
Yes, I suppose it does. Just as soon as I find the time to sit down and work on it.

1 comment:

builditbob said...

Wow, dat's a lot of pretty big meatballs to juggle!

I suspect there's no one "RIGHT" answer, but I'd say you do as good as ANYONE could.

You try mightily to do your best,
You consider everyone,
You are fair
You are balanced
Your heart is in the right place.

You are human and therefore not perfect. (I think we might even NOT like you if you were perfect)

So, give yourself a small piece of the slack you would give anyone else.

When you look back from age 89, what will matter is that you tried the best you could.

Most of the things we worried about were, in retrospect, "small things that should not have been sweated"

Sorry that sounds so trite.

You really deserve ATTAGIRLS
not DAMMITS, THIS SUCKS!

Robert