Who Is Walkerlady?

My photo
I'm the 'Lazy Quilter' who doesn't always take the time to try to achieve perfection. I prefer to enjoy the process of creating instead of agonizing over being perfect. I am 'Walker Lady' who changed my lifestyle and lost over 70 pounds in the process! I wear the hats of a Quilter, Artist, Crafter, Musician, Life Coach, Wife, and Mom, all rolled up into one unique human bean!

Friday, October 07, 2016

Food and drug and dog

Last week I went to see my GP for my annual wellness checkup. I was very nervous about this one. I was honest with my doc about my wine consumption and wanted to talk about how bad things have to be before one should seek out a pill to maybe make it better?
Although I do function without meds, I don't function very well. Doc was very understanding and assured me that I had classic symptoms of depression and anxiety and that there might be a drug that would make my life a bit nicer.
As I write this today, I am almost three weeks into my trial run. I am on the lowest dose. I first noticed being a bit more tired than usual. I still didn't want to get out of bed in the mornings. I was exhausted in the afternoons.
He said it would take ten days before I'd notice any changes. After almost two weeks I feel calmer. I am not as tired as I was. I can get out of bed and some days I am actually looking forward to the day. Then, one night, I didn't want to have the wine I had always been having. I hope this is all due to the drugs and not a placebo effect. It takes close to a month before the full affects of the drugs kick in. I am hopeful for a better quality of life.

I want to chat a bit about food. Here is a recent breakfast I had:
Ezekiel toast, two poached eggs, turkey bacon, black coffee

I recently found an egg poacher at the thrift store. Oh my, it has been a game changer for me! I can make poached eggs faster than fried and of course they are better for me than fried. The turkey bacon was meh. I think I will stick with real bacon, Canadian bacon, or turkey breakfast sausage.

I have been wanting to eat Chinese food lately and tried to find something I could make up quickly that would take care of my cravings. This one looked really good!
Funny how the photo on the box and what you actually get, don't quite look the same.

So I next decided to try takeout at a drive through Chinese place:

Wholly cow! There was enough food here for FOUR people!!! You might know that one thing Chinese food is NOT good for, is as leftover food. It didn't taste very good either. WAY too greasy. I didn't eat much of this and shared most of it with the family. (They eat anything that isn't green) I might have to give up on Chinese food, or maybe learn how to cook what I want. I've tried though, and I am not a bad cook, but Chinese foods have not been very easy for me.

Guess where Dex and I went last Friday? 
Yup, the trail! I hadn't been out since this past spring. I overdid it and went the full route. My knee screamed at me for that one. We enjoyed it though and were delighted when we found the city had been out and mowed the weeds down. No wood ticks this time either. I hope to get out there again this fall, as the weather cools.

Speaking of Dex, there he is, on the trail. He must have some hunting dog in him because he was ALL over that trail, sniffing out this and that. I don't think he will turn down a walk with me, EVER! hahahaha

Finally, I will share this photo of Dexter:
He looks so regal. Looks are deceiving though. He's a little stinker! And I love him to pieces.

That's it for today. Hope you are all doing well out there. Till next time, walk on!

Sunday, July 31, 2016

That "inner mean girl"

Bullying is an often heard topic these days. It is a serious problem that can devistate younger people. It happens in older folks too, but we're supposed to know better and handle it better, since we are SO much more mature.


What if I told you that there was this gal who was bullying me? She told me that because I talk about losing weight but don't always practice what I preach, that I was a fake.
She said because I don't walk enough, I will just get fatter and fatter.
She said because I like to drink wine every night, that I was an alcoholic.
She said because I struggled with wanting to smoke cigarettes, that I was a weakling.
She said that because I had a fat belly, that I looked like a fat old lady and was ugly!
She said that because I gained some of the weight back that I had lost a few years ago, that I was a loser and would never be able to keep the weight off for very long.
She called me a failure.

Who was this awful person? WHY did I let her in my life? WHY did I listen to her? Why? Well, because SHE is actually ME. She is the inner mean girl that puts me down over and over again. Her voice is often way too loud. She hurts my feelings. She makes me doubt myself. She hates me.

In a post over on Roni's blog, she talks about the stories that this inner mean girl tells her too. Here is an excerpt:

The Stories You Tell Yourself

Skinny-ness is a state of mind

"Losing weight, for some of us, is more of mind game then anything else. It’s not impossible but it sure is difficult to achieve a goal that’s so clearly undefined and drenched in emotional baggage. Instead, what I’m suggesting is that you place your focus squarely on becoming a healthy, happy, balanced person, rather than a skinny one and you may be surprised at what you can succeed.
I started just doing less and less because I didn’t like the body I was in, the body I put myself in."
This really spoke to me. I read the comments from others who do this too. How do we fight this inner mean girl's words?

I HAVE been wanting to get "back on track" and have slid down the slippery slope of self loathing and self defeating talk. Abby is suffering right along with me.

She's been coasting along, full of self loathing and self pity. She hasn't wanted to walk, even though she's heard it numerous times from others, that she should be walking like she used to. She's watched the scale creep up and up.
Sweet Dexter, the wonder dog, is sad too. He would be happy to go walking with her. Sure, he isn't as fearsome looking as Ziva was, but he still would be a good partner to hit the trails with.

Tomorrow is August first AND it is a Monday. Abby and I are hoping that somehow we will pull ourselves together and begin again, to make the changes needed to get back on track to a healthier life. We want to reverse the weight gaining trend, get out and walk again, and just be the people we want to be!

I hope the mean girl gets gobsmacked upside her pretty little warped head and goes away for a while. We will keep you posted.

One last bit. Some of the goings on in the world right now, sure don't help matters. Abby thinks we are being invaded:

That makes as much sense as how things seem to be going, doesn't it? 
Until next time, let's all walk-on!!!

Monday, July 18, 2016

Well, that was fun!

So ya, it HAS been over a month since I last posted. Gosh, I feel like a new woman! Nothing has changed much, except for my attitude.

So, ya, um, why DID my attitude change? Let me tell you. I went camping. Yup, I did.
No, this isn't me. This is my Mom from about 1969. For a few years my Mom and Dad took my two younger sisters and me camping in the summers. I remember those times as some of the best times we had with our folks.
This is a picture from inside our camper. That is Dex, on our bed, looking out the back window. This was his second camping trip with us. The first one was just for two nights. This last one was almost two weeks!
We went from Arkansas, through Missouri, and into Iowa. We stopped at the Grotto of the Redemption. This is a little spot in a little town called West Bend. The stones and rocks were all put in place by a priest many years ago. I cannot capture how neat this place is. You don't even have to be religious to enjoy it. It had special meaning to me as one of the last times I went here, I was with my baby sister. She passed away several years ago at age 48. Yes, I shed a few tears while revisiting this place.
A happier moment happened when my son found a phone booth. Of course he had never seen one in person before. It was not functional but it was neat that he could actually get a feel for what a phone booth was.
From Iowa we went into Minnesota and stopped by my folks' old place in the country. Here is my son, standing at the bridge where my folks' ashes were spread. He got to see their place that they had built together back in the early '70's. They had passed before he was born. I was glad he let me show him some of my past.
We went over to South Dakota to spend a few nights near a high school friend of mine. This is our campsite. Do you see me?
There I am! I was reading a good book. I read two and a half books on this trip. I haven't relaxed like that in .... well, I can't recall when I've relaxed like that! hahahaha
One of my best friends from high school picked us up at the campgrounds and took us to see the falls that Sioux Falls, SD is named for. They were spectacular!
I lived two hours from these waterfalls when I was younger, and never had seen them before!
One thing we did on our camping trip was to try different, local, Polish sausages. These were the best ones, by far. I don't know what they do to make them so good up there, but yummmmmmmmooooo! I cannot find anything close to them, down here in the south.
Actually this is probably a good thing. This isn't exactly within the realm of healthy eating. But man, they are really so good!!!
 Dex was awesome on the trip. We even managed to tire him out once in a while.
 My son became a master S'mores maker.

We visited a cave in southern Minnesota as we swung back east. This is an underground (mini) lake. I am not crazy about caves. I had to try hard to not think about what might happen if the power were to   go out while we were down there!
We headed into Wisconsin to see House on the Rock.
How can one explain what House on the Rock is? There are so many oddities to see. 
Here is one of the many huge metal pots that were around the grounds outside. 

This whale was several stories tall. That is a walkway at the bottom left. One of those teeth could be the size of a person!

 They had all sorts of collections of things, like these masks.

And these airplanes, hanging from the ceiling. They were not little models either. I would say the wingspans were close to ten feet in many cases.

 Here my son and I are about to be swallowed up by a monster!

 This is a diorama of a circus. They had many of these in their collections. 
The figures are only a few inches high.

This is the world's largest, indoor, carousel. There are 80 such animals on it and none are horses! I wish we could have ridden it, but it is for looking at, only.
Of course I had to buy a souvenir at the gift shop.
We're working on this 'selfie' thing here.
On down through Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, and into Kentucky we went. I have thousands of photos and just can't share all of them with you! 
This was our last campground in Tennessee. I found a trail to walk on!
Well, hubby found it, but I walked on it a bit too!

Dexter always waited for hubby to come back in the RV when we had stopped to get gas.
And then we came home.

We went 2487 miles in 13 days and hit ten different states! We didn't know what to expect on this trip. At best I was showing my son, my roots. I feel like we came away with so much more though. All of us seemed to have relaxed. All of us seem to want to go camping more often! We might not do such a long trip for a while, but weekends are definitely on the radar.

I cannot describe all the feelings that I experienced on this trip. Connecting with my past, meeting peers from high school, meeting family that I hadn't seen in twenty or more years, sharing time with my husband and son, it was just all so overwhelming, eye opening, and .... I just cannot find the words.

I have started making changes in a few things. I feel renewed energy. I feel more like I want to feel! Will it last? I don't know. I DO know though, that if it doesn't I am still better than I was.  Again, words elude me. 

So, um, now I am off to bed. I've been go-go-going for over a week now, since we got home. But damn, I feel GOOD! 

Till next time, walk-on!!!

Sunday, June 05, 2016

Learning Lessons

I've been working on this post for over a month. I apologize for how jumpy it may seem, but if I keep trying for perfection, NOTHING will get posted!!!

I often have things I'd like to write down and share but don't take that time to do so because I don't have a picture to go along with what I am writing.  In order for me to write something witty and full of awesome content, I feel I have to punctuate the posting with adorable photos that will make you smile and draw you in.

This isn't going to be one of those postings.

If I am to believe my GP Doc, I suffer from depression and anxiety. It isn't the super-bad-want-to-kill-myself type of depression. Don't worry about that. It is a day to day existence where I often just don't feel like doing anything. I don't want to get out of bed.

Lately I have been binge-watching five seasons of a show. It is very addicting. I have an addictive personality. Addiction to food. Addiction to drink. Addiction to depression. Is it really addiction?

Those who think they understand how our brains work, do they really think they can blame away so many problems to addictions/disorders/chemical imbalances? Do so many doctors think that throwing a pill at the problem is the only way to fix it? I fight the urge to go see my doc, who would give me a pill in a heartbeat, to try to make it all better. Then I say to myself that it really isn't all that bad, as long as my family is alright with my mood swings, do I need a pill? They say they are willing. Are they really though?

I am so tired of everything.
I do not like living where I am living.
I do not like the mess of our home.
I hate summertime.
I am a doom and gloom blob.

Why am I fat? Cuz I eat too much food! Dammit Does substituting turkey bacon for pork bacon REALLY make that much of a difference? I mean, if you allow for the calories anyway, does it really make a difference?
I am sure that skinny people eat like this:
Egg white and spinach omelets and black coffee and dry toast and veggies coming out of their ears and smoothies and this is just over 1100 calories. Argle bargle.

Folks, I have not figured out the secret to maintaining weight loss yet. I am not giving up though. It has taken years and will probably take more years for me to get to a happy medium between enjoying my life, eating without harming myself, and exercising with enjoyment.

I am just not there yet.

All this depression talk....BAH. It runs in my family. I hope that by speaking out loud about it, that my children will handle it better than I have, and better than I did when I was their age. It has been one of my biggest fears in life, that they too will suffer from depression and not get the help they need to get through the tough spots. AND by help, I don't mean pop a pill but all therapy types, medical and mental.

There is another fear that they, or I, will blindly follow the doctor's advice to take a pill to fix us. In some cases, are we not all looking for that magic pill of some sort? Take a pill and feel better. Take a pill and you will lose weight.

Why are we SO freaking ashamed to admit we have depression? Why, after all these years does there have to be a stigma still attached to mental issues? And why do I obsess about that answer? I don't know. I've done it so long that it seems to be a part of me now.

I did do something different to try to get out of my funk. I went camping. Dexter went along with. We hiked for about four hours, traveling around six miles. PHEW! It was fun. It was very challenging. I want to do it again!
Dex and me, resting on the trail
Here is my son, taking photos at one of the vistas at the state park we were at:
My 15 year old said he'd like to do this again!
Abby roasted marshmallows and made s'mores. She was very worked up before she left to go camping. She was very relaxed when she came home. She wants to go again too.
* * *

Till next time my dear readers, 

Friday, April 29, 2016

Rainy Friday morning

It CAN be done. Why can't I?